


your string of lights is still bright to me

by merlypops



Series: we live through scars this time [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: All Time Low (Band) - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Future, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Birthday Sex, Bisexual Calum, Bisexual Michael, Blow Jobs, Childhood Friends, Children, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dom Calum, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gay Luke, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Healing, Healing Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, Light Dom/sub, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mental Health Issues, Morning Sex, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Praise Kink, Reunions, Rimming, Self-Acceptance, Single Parent Michael, Single Parents, Smut, Song Lyrics, Sub Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Michael looked at himself sometimes, when he was putting six year old Lily to bed or giving her four year old sister Georgie a bath with his shirt sleeves rolled up and the faint silvery scars on display, and although he’d never planned for his life to be this way, he thought it could be a lot <i>worse</i> probably, even if it <i>wasn’t</i> what he’d expected back when he was a teenager with dirty hair and death in his heart.'</p><p>
  <b>Michael is struggling to be the father his daughters need. Until he meets Calum again.</b>
</p><p>Based on "Innocent" by Taylor Swift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hidden Beneath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SupernaturalMystery306](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalMystery306/gifts), [Deja32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deja32/gifts).



> I've gifted it to you guys because you're so so _so_ sweet, you leave me the cutest comments, and basically I just love you a lot.
> 
> I have literally been planning this fic for so many months now and I'm finally ready to upload the first part!!  
> I hope you guys will like it <3

**_I guess you really did it this time._ **

 

Michael tried to be a good father.

He strung up fairy lights in his two daughters’ bedroom that glowed a soft pink in the darkness, keeping the shadows at bay. He checked under their twin beds for monsters and he took the little girls to flower markets at the weekends sometimes, so that they could both choose pretty blooms to go in the vases they’d painted together that sat on their bedside tables.

Michael taught himself to bake so that the girls could have homemade birthday cakes like Michael’s nanna had always made for him back when he was little. He sat down in the evenings with his daughters and helped them make little beaded bracelets while a Disney film played in the background in the quiet hours before Lily and Georgie had to go to bed.

Michael tried to make sure he was always _present_ in a way that his ex-wife had never been for their children.

 

**_Left yourself in your warpath._ **

 

Michael still found it hard to believe just how fast time flew sometimes.

It felt like only yesterday that he’d been sitting in his bedroom with a battered, second-hand guitar in his lap and band posters plastering the walls of his room, back when he was a teenager with piercings, brightly-coloured hair and fresh cuts lining his wrists.

Now he was in his thirties with scars and emerald eyes that were soft behind glasses, and there was absolutely _nothing_ punk rock about his dull life and the ache in his chest, like something was _missing_ almost. He had two daughters who depended on him and it was fucking _scary_ , just not in the same way as walking out onstage in front of thousands of people was.

Back when Michael was younger, he had always kind of assumed that he wouldn’t live to see _twenty_ , let alone the grand old age of thirty two. He’d always thought that if the drugs, alcohol and clubbing didn’t kill him first then the motorbike he’d stolen would but, somehow - seemingly against all the odds - it hadn’t happened.

Instead Michael had met Hannah when he was twenty three years old - which was coincidentally the year he’d last seen his three best friends from the band too - and he’d done everything he’d always sworn he’d _never_ do.

Back in his teenage years, Michael had spent his time playing the guitar badly and singing along angrily to songs. He’d kissed boys and girls, gone out clubbing and drinking until his head was spinning with it and the gaping emptiness in his chest was whole again, and then 5 Seconds Of Summer had been born and Michael’s coping mechanisms had stopped working and the anxiety had burnt through his veins like wildfire.

Everything had spiralled out of control and it had all been ripped from Michael’s hands.

There’d been drugs and drink and police warnings, and Michael had been burning so hot that it had felt like he was going to melt away sometimes, felt like he was going to crumble into dust and disappear on the wind because he couldn’t _cope_ with the roaring hurricane that came with their turbulent life.

And then those years had ended and Michael had been left behind with messily dyed hair and dull green eyes, with their music ringing faintly in his ears like a ghost and the stress that had come with years of touring painfully evident in the scars lining his arms.

Michael wasn’t like that anymore though.

His hair was golden again now, like it had been when he was a kid, but it was shot through with silver too, and his piercings were all gone, and the scars and tattoos inking the pale skin of his arms were hidden beneath the sleeves of the shirts he wore to work at the office downtown.

Michael had a failed marriage and two kids his ex-wife Hannah hadn’t wanted in his custody nowadays which was something the thirty two year old had never planned for, and he hadn’t talked to any of the guys he had been best friends with at school in almost ten years.

Michael looked at himself sometimes, when he was putting six year old Lily to bed or giving her four year old sister Georgie a bath with his shirt sleeves rolled up and the faint silvery scars on display, and although he’d never planned for his life to be this way, he thought it could be a lot _worse_ probably, even if it _wasn’t_ what he’d expected back when he was a teenager with dirty hair and death in his heart.

Sometimes he saw the tiny little scar where his eyebrow piercing had once been though and all he could remember as he stared at the damaged skin was a faded guitar and the dull roar of a crowd as the needle marks in the crook of Michael’s elbow burnt with a phantom pain, and then everything would flicker and, jarringly, Michael would be standing back in his kitchen again, staring despairingly at the leaking faucet as Georgie started wailing upstairs and Lily started crying because she didn’t want to go to school.

The anxiety in Michael’s veins was duller now - _muted_ almost - and a certain numbness was slowly suffocating him because life was fucking _hard_ now… just not in the ways Michael had imagined back when he was a kid.

 

**_Lost your balance on a tightrope._ **

 

Michael was sitting on his daughters’ bedroom floor now, struggling to read them a bedtime story in the dimly lit room beneath the fairy lights but it was getting harder and harder to see the words through the tears blurring his vision.

The thirty two year old looked up jerkily as the book slipped from his fingers to fall with a muted thump onto the soft pink carpet.

It was okay though.

They were both asleep.


	2. After All This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My story is refusing to listen to the plan so I had to change everything but I'm actually a lot more excited about this fic now.  
> I hope you guys will enjoy this!

**_Lost your mind tryin' to get it back._ **

 

Michael felt frazzled.

That was probably the only word to describe it.

He felt fucking _frazzled_ because his day had started going wrong at two in the morning. First Lily had woken up in tears and insisted on climbing into bed with him, and Georgie had woken up right after and started wailing when she’d realised she was alone so _she’d_ had to climb in too.

Michael didn’t usually mind but he had to present in an important meeting at work today and that - coupled with the fact that he had only managed to grab around four hours of uninterrupted sleep - didn’t put him in the best mood ever.

“Lily, _please_ eat your breakfast,” Michael begged, setting the six year old’s pink plate of Vegemite on toast in front of her before he got down on his knees. “ _Please_ , princess Lily,” he said, kissing her on the end of the nose. The little girl giggled, scrunching her face up as she tucked it away into Michael’s neck, clinging to him like a limpet.

“I love you,” Michael promised her, smiling when she pulled back to look at him with toast crumbs on her face and her messy blonde curls in a tangled snarl around her shoulders that he would _attempt_ to tame once she was distracted. “Now eat up please. We’ve got to leave for the childminder in half an hour, okay?”

Lily rolled her eyes as she squashed a piece of toast into her mouth and Michael’s smile was fond as he drifted over to the counter, rubbing his eyes and waiting for the kettle to boil. Black coffee was a must this morning.

“ _Daddy_! I need more toilet paper!” Georgie bellowed suddenly and Michael managed not to swear but it was a close thing because _damnit_ , he hadn’t gone shopping yet.

“Georgie, you’ll have to use kitchen roll again! I’m really sorry!” Michael called as he snagged the aforementioned paper towels from behind the sink and slid down the corridor in his socks.

The four year old was scowling at him when he appeared in the doorway with the roll of paper, looking appropriately abashed, and Georgie’s green eyes were sullen when she snatched it away from him disparagingly.

“You need any help?” he asked and she glared at him, making a noise like an angry goose which was a tell that Michael had _really_ pissed her off.

“Go shopping later,” the four year old commanded, kicking the bathroom door shut with her little foot.

Michael’s lips twitched despite himself.

“Deal.”

 

**_Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?_ **

 

The meeting went surprisingly well in the end but Michael was exhausted by the end of the day.

Lily and Georgie were staying two hours later at the childminder’s that night to give their father time to go shopping, and the golden-haired man just wanted to go home to _bed_.

Michael hated not seeing the girls, hated getting home from work just in time to make dinner, give them a bath and put them to bed, but he didn’t really see how he could _help_ it. There wasn’t exactly another alternative. He couldn’t _not_ go to the office.

Not for the first time, Michael wished he’d saved his money from the band days instead of blowing it all on stupid shit he’d never needed. Then he might have been able to spend more time with the girls, watching them grow up and _living_ instead of trying to scrape by.

Michael was in a foul mood by the time he got to the supermarket, starving and guilt ridden and supremely pissed off.

His frame of mind only worsened when he wheeled the trolley inside and was greeted with a very old picture of 5 Seconds Of Summer on the front page of the newspapers by the door. There was a little picture of Luke Hemmings beside it - one of Michael’s former bandmates - and that kind of felt like a kick in the balls because Michael hadn’t seen the blond man in a _long_ fucking time.

Michael snatched the newspaper up roughly - a store assistant passing by tutted at him but they quickly backtracked at the angry look Michael shot them - and felt his eyes widening when he read the headline.

It looked like Luke was finally coming out… After all this time.

“Jesus,” Michael said softly, shocked, and he was just beginning to read the article with rapidly-widening eyes when someone stepped closer to him, jostling his arm as they looked at the front of the newspaper.

“Ah, they’re still going on about 5SOS are they? Shit band. Always fucking hated them,” the stranger said but… there was something _very_ familiar about their voice…

Michael jerked his head up in shock, ready to snap at the man defensively when -

Shit.

Calum. _Calum_. **_Calum_**.

After ten years. A whole _decade_.

Right there… within _touching_ distance.

“Calum,” Michael breathed and it was kind of like someone had tipped icy water down him because his heart was thumping way too hard in his chest and all of those old feelings Michael had tried to fight so hard when he met Hannah had just rekindled in his chest and… and if Calum was just a dick now then Michael could tell him where to stick it and leave, and he could pretend everything was the same and that he’d never gone out to buy toilet rolls and stumbled into Calum, and his life could go back to the way it had been before.

“Hey, Mikey,” Calum said and his full lips tugged up into a smile as his cheeks flushed pink. “How’ve you been?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought! :)  
> Thank you <3


	3. Second Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't supposed to be so fucking angsty. God, guys, I'm so sorry.

**_Always a bigger bed to crawl into._ **

 

Michael didn’t know why he’d agreed.

(Okay, that was a lie. He’d just wanted to get away from Calum as quickly as possible so he could _think_ again. He would’ve agreed to anything if it meant that he could run away and fill his trolley with so many rolls of toilet paper that he would have had enough for the apocalypse. Michael just wished Calum’s pleasantly surprised expression hadn’t burnt itself into his eyelids because it made the whole situation entirely unforgettable.)

They were meeting up for coffee. The girls were both at school and Michael had used up three hours of flexi leave in the afternoon for _this_ because he was a fucking idiot.

At least Michael could pick the girls up from school though. That was a bonus.

The café Calum had picked was very nice inside with sky blue paint covering the walls and lots of potted plants on every available surface. The tables were dark wood and there were little stands of fresh flapjacks and shortbread on the counter when Michael walked in.

The place didn’t look cheap and Michael felt something wither inside him. Calum had clearly been a lot more careful with his money since the days of the band… or maybe he just hadn’t blown the whole lot on drink and drugs. That probably would have done it too.

Michael’s regret tasted bitter in his mouth as he turned, scanning the café for Calum. He didn’t think the younger man was there yet and Michael lingered in the doorway, incredibly uncomfortable for the ten minutes before Calum finally appeared.

“Sorry I’m a bit late, Mikey,” the dark-haired man said easily as he clapped Michael on the shoulder. “I was having lunch with Ash and Bry but it overran a little. Didn’t have your number so I couldn’t text you.”

“Oh,” Michael breathed, his head reeling a little. “They’re still together then?”

Calum gave him a funny look as he shrugged out of his coat, folding it neatly over his arm.

“They’re _married_ , Mike,” Calum said with raised eyebrows. “You really haven’t been keeping up much, have you?”

“Well, I’ve been quite busy.” Michael didn’t mean to snap and his shoulders slumped when he heard how petulant he sounded. Thirty two and he still acted like a sulky fucking child. Lily and Georgie behaved better than him, he was sure of it.

“I’m sure you have,” Calum said slowly, his voice thick with implications that Michael didn’t care to try and decipher. “Well, we can talk when we sit down. I’m getting a latte. Do you still like them? I’ll pay.”

“Oh,” Michael mumbled, his cheeks flaming. “Um - uh - yes, I… Yeah. Thanks,” he finished lamely and Calum’s eyes softened briefly as he gestured towards a free table by the window.

“Go sit down,” Calum suggested before he headed over to the counter.

“Afternoon, Cal,” the girl behind the counter said cheerfully. Her dark brown hair was scraped back into a ponytail and there was a piercing in her nose. She smiled at the dark-haired man familiarly. “You haven’t been in here in ages!”

“It’s been like a month, Sam,” Calum grinned, ordering two lattes as he leant against the counter, dressed in a close-fitting navy blue jumper and tight black jeans that did absolute _wonders_ for his… well, everything.

“What were you up to?” the girl - Sam - asked conversationally as she poured their drinks. Michael was sitting at the table Calum had picked out now, sitting slumped behind the potted plant on the table as he eavesdropped, resisting the urge to put his head in his hands.

“I was travelling for business,” Calum said with an easy shrug, making the hem of his jumper rise a little to reveal a sliver of tanned skin. “Meeting new artists, other producers. You know.”

“Oh, of _course_ I don’t,” Sam grinned and Calum giggled like he used to and - and fuck this honestly. Michael just wanted to go home, back to the girls and their tiny little television and the washing machine that didn’t work half the time.

“Thanks, Sam,” Calum said, stirring Michael from his thoughts. The golden-haired man looked up just in time to see Calum’s chocolate brown eyes settling on his face as he carried a tray over towards the table. “Nice place here, huh?” Calum said cheerfully as he dropped down into the seat opposite Michael’s. “I come here all the time.”

“So you still live round here then?” Michael asked and Calum nodded as he passed the older man his latte.

“Yeah. And I’m guessing you do too?” Calum checked, frowning faintly when Michael gave a jerky nod. “Can’t believe I’ve never bumped into you before.”

“Yeah, well I don’t really have much time to go out these days,” Michael said heavily, taking a sip of his drink and wincing when he burnt his tongue.

“You always used to do that,” Calum said suddenly, making Michael look up in confusion. Calum’s cheeks flushed as he elaborated. “Y’know… drink too fast and burn yourself. Every single time.”

Michael’s lips twitched faintly but his heart ached in his chest. “Shut up,” he said softly, setting his mug down on the table and wrapping his fingers around it to warm them. “What did you mean earlier? Meeting artists and other producers? You produce music now?”

“Sure,” Calum said easily, taking a more hesitant sip of his drink and looking vaguely triumphant when he didn’t burn himself too. “I produced a lot more music for Hi Or Hey Records ever since the band crashed. Eventually I took over the company.”

“ _Seriously_?” Michael’s cheeks were stained with blood and he was regretting his childish impulsive behaviour of the last decade, wished he hadn’t switched the television off or thrown the newspaper aside whenever something to do with the band made itself apparent. “Jeez. Good one, Calum. I’m happy for you.”

It surprised Michael that those words weren’t a lie and he hated that that had shocked him.

“Thank you,” Calum said, looking slightly surprised. “So… what have you been up to since… well… you know…”

“Yeah, I know,” Michael whispered, closing his eyes for a moment as he fought not to remember. “Uh… I… I met someone. Hannah. We… got married. Had two kids. Lily and Georgie. Lily’s… she’s six now… and Georgie’s four.”

There was something indecipherable in Calum’s eyes but he smiled faintly at the mention of Michael’s daughters.

“I’m really happy for you too, Mike -”

“Hannah and me… we got a divorce. Three years ago now? I think.” Michael looked down into his coffee, sighing softly. “She left the girls. I work in an office now. An _office_ , Calum.” Michael laughed but it was an entirely humourless sound. “Fate’s funny sometimes, isn’t it? How it screws you over.”

Calum looked like he didn’t know what to say and Michael sighed again, like a balloon deflating as all of the fight went out of him.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said quietly, catching Calum’s dark gaze and holding it for a second before he glanced out of the window, up at the cloudy white sky outside. “I love the girls. Being a dad is… the most incredible, _terrifying_ experience. But… it’s hard.”

“I can imagine,” Calum said quietly and Michael sniffed.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and Michael swallowed past his wounded pride.

“You… mentioned Ashton and Bryana were… They got married?” Michael’s voice was shaking a little bit as Calum stared at him sadly.

“Yeah. Four years ago now I think,” the dark-haired man said and he hesitated for a moment before laying his hand gently over Michael’s. “It wasn’t the same without you. You should have been there.”

“I know,” Michael said quietly, looking down at their hands as his heart clenched painfully in his chest. He’d missed so much, wasted so many years after he’d gone off the rails and… and there was no way to get any of it back.

It was just like Michael had always feared.

He’d been left behind.

“But you’re here now,” Calum said suddenly and… yeah. Michael supposed he was.

“Tell me about Luke,” Michael pleaded suddenly, remembering the newspaper article he had been reading on the night when he’d seen Calum again. “He… he still sings, doesn’t he? I heard his last single.”

“Yeah, he’s so good now.” Calum looked fiercely proud of Luke as he spoke and it soothed some of the rougher edges in Michael’s chest. At least that hadn’t changed.

“He’s… he’s coming out, isn’t he?” Michael asked softly and Calum’s lips pressed into a line as he withdrew his hand slowly.

“Yes. The media are being fucking _awful_ but… but he’s being really brave. It’s so hard for him though.”

“I can imagine,” Michael said in a small voice.

“I doubt -” Calum’s expression was twisted but he swallowed visibly. “Well… maybe you can.”

Michael’s heart shuddered in his chest and his hands curled into fists beneath the table.

Calum never knew that Michael liked men too. None of the band did. The golden-haired man had kept it locked away inside and it had torn Michael apart.

“Mikey?” Calum asked softly and Michael sniffed hard, cursing his stupid hay fever because… because he wasn’t fucking _crying_. Michael _didn’t_ cry.

“It’s nothing,” the older man said bluntly, brushing his golden hair away from his face shakily and fighting not to let his eyes settle on the faint scars visible where his sleeve had slipped back.

“You still see the guys a lot then?” Michael asked, his voice thick with something he didn’t want to name, his eyes suspiciously damp as he focused on his rapidly-cooling coffee. It was a weak attempt at a conversation change but at least it distracted Calum.

“Yeah,” the dark-haired man answered but his eyes were still sad. “All the time.”

There was something in Calum’s voice that made Michael think the younger man wasn’t going to provide anymore information on this and that kind of stung too because trust would have been second nature once upon a time… back when they were still friends… still **something**.

Michael wondered if they’d ever grow close again and he found that not knowing fucking _hurt_...

Just like everything else did these days.

“I have to go pick the girls up from school soon,” Michael half-whispered and Calum nodded, biting his lip before he slid his phone towards the older man so that Michael could add his number.

“We should catch up again… If you want to, at least,” Calum offered and the older man nodded, biting his lip in an effort to keep the pain off his face.

“We’ll sort something out,” Michael said softly, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket as Calum sent him a quick text so Michael could save his number. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” Calum countered and Michael’s faint smile didn’t touch his eyes as he raised his hand in farewell.

He felt Calum’s eyes on his back until the door swung shut behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! <3


	4. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the reason I shouldn't listen to sad playlists when I'm writing.  
> Also I'm ill and I was awake til 2 in the morning so if this has loads of mistakes (hopefully not) then I'll fix those really soon.  
> Fingers crossed this is okay because wow this kind of hurt to write.

**_Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?_ **

 

Sometimes it felt like Michael couldn’t do this anymore.

He was having a bad day. He knew that was all it was. He’d put the girls to bed and sit watching television for a while and then he’d go to bed, and he’d feel better the next morning -

Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.

That didn’t make it feel any easier now though.

Lily was lying on the sofa in the living room with tears running down her face. She’d just told Michael she was getting bullied at school but she was so prickly and defensive about it - she had inherited Michael’s stubbornness - and she wouldn’t let him hug her so her tears were cutting him like knives.

Georgie was crying too, sniffling pathetically from the blanket nest she’d made on the sofa because she was coming down with a cold and that always made her asthma play up.

Michael was on the verge of tears too, honestly. They’d almost run out of food because Michael was shit at remembering to go shopping and now his girls were crying and everyone else had fucked off and _left_ him - even his _parents_ \- and… and _damnit_ , Michael had never felt more incapable than he did in that moment.

His daughters were so beautiful and Michael _knew_ he didn’t deserve them.

He wanted to tear his hair out honestly. The old needle marks in the crook of his elbows prickled and the pale skin of his scarred arms itched, and his breath was kind of catching in his throat now because he didn’t know what he was supposed to _do_.

As much as it shamed him, it was at times like this when Michael _knew_ he couldn’t do this on his own. He needed _help_ \- probably in more ways than one - but… but Hannah had gone and Michael had never been able to hold down a relationship and he had no friends left anymore and… and he didn’t know how he was supposed to fix this.

He didn’t think he _could_... and he had no one to help him.

Damnit, he fucking _needed_ someone to help him!

When Michael’s phone vibrated with a text message, it felt like maybe the universe was listening.

The thirty two year old opened the message on autopilot, not even noticing how the trembling of his fingers lessened when he saw who the text was from as something calmed inside him.

**[From CALUM] Received at 19:34**

**hey mikey, hope you’re well. was in the area to meet a friend for drinks but they bailed - mind if i pop in and see you instead? could be nice to catch up! cal**

Michael’s heart was kind of pounding a bit but he agreed without thinking, his fingers skidding across the keyboard as he sent a reply back, sending Calum his address.

The moment the text was gone, Michael felt himself freeze, like there was icy water trickling down his back. The house was a state and his girls were still crying and… and damnit, he’d fucked up.

What the hell had Michael _done_?!

 

**_And everybody believed in you?_ **

 

Calum was nervous.

He’d felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach the very moment he’d sent his impulsive text but there was still something inside him that insisted that this was the right thing to do. He hadn’t been meeting anyone for drinks. Bullshit.

He just wanted to see Michael again.

When Calum finally parked outside the house Michael had sent him the address to, it was nothing like he’d imagined. It was small and terraced, looked _old_. The paint on the front door was peeling and the hedge that edged the little path leading up to the house was overgrown. One of the lights was on in a room downstairs but, for the most part, the house was dark.

It looked _sad_ and Calum swallowed against the lump in his throat, suddenly unable to stop himself from remembering what Michael had been like back in the days of their band - bright, colourful, proud.... brave but _hollow_... and larger than life. Always.

Seeing the house now - concrete evidence that Michael had moved on - was… painful. It _hurt_.

Calum walked along the rain-wet pavement, looked at the glow of the raindrops on the paving stones. The hedge smelt fresh and earthy when the thirty one year old finally came to a stop under the wooden canopy that stretched out over the door to protect people from the rain.

Calum knocked hesitantly but it was a little while before the door finally opened to reveal a pale-faced Michael. There was a little girl on his hip, probably no more than four years old with a flushed, grumpy face that reminded Calum so unbearably of a young Michael that it actually _hurt_.

“Hey, Cal,” Michael said, slightly uneasy. He shifted, hoisting the little girl further up his hip where she was slipping. She clung to him, burying her face in his neck at the sight of a stranger. “Georgie has a cold so you might not want to come too close,” he said but Calum shrugged, smiling slightly awkwardly as he stepped into the hallway and shut the door carefully behind him.

“That’s okay,” Calum said hesitantly, taking his shoes off and leaving them by the door. “Thank you for letting me come round. I hope I haven’t completely messed your evening up?” It sounded like a question.

“It’s ruined,” Michael said, deadpan for a moment before his lips twitched into a watery smile. Calum relaxed but there was a nervous energy still thrumming through his veins because Michael looked restless… _hurting_ almost and… and Calum didn’t know why.

“You go and get back in your blankets, princess Georgie,” Michael whispered, pressing a kiss to the four year old’s messy mousy brown hair as he sent her on her way.

Michael seemed to falter once she was gone, his shoulders slumping as he lingered in the dark hallway with Calum. The dark-haired man reached out without meaning to, settling his hand comfortingly on Michael’s bicep as the older man looked at him with agony clear in his emerald green eyes.

“Mikey?” Calum breathed and, suddenly, it felt like back when they were kids again, probably no more than seven years old as they shared a mattress at sleepovers, gripping hands tightly because they were both scared of the unknown, of the darkness that would get them if they so much as looked over the edge of the duvet they were both huddling under. “What is it?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Michael said, so softly that Calum could barely hear him. By the slightly dazed look on Michael’s exhausted face, he might not even have meant to say it out loud. “Lily’s getting bullied at school and Georgie’s ill and I didn’t have time to go shopping again.”

“Oh, Mike -” Calum broke off when another girl appeared in the doorway. She looked a little older - Calum realised this must be six year old Lily - and her face was blotchy like she’d been crying a lot. The dark-haired man remembered what Michael had just said and it made his heart ache in his chest because kids could be  _cruel_ sometimes.

“Georgie says you’re sad,” Lily said quietly, wrapping her arms around Michael’s waist as she looked up at him, her green eyes soft in her heart-shaped face. Where Calum was lingering by the door, he couldn’t be seen in the shadows. “Don’t be sad, daddy. We love you.”

“I love you both too,” Michael said, voice thick. “I’m alright, Lil. I promise. Do you feel a bit better now?” His voice was wary and the little girl considered her answer for a moment before she gave a small, jerky nod of her head. Michael cupped her upturned face in his hands gently, stroking the skin under her eyes with his thumbs.

“That’s good,” he said after a moment, kissing the end of her nose until she giggled. “I think we have some chocolate powder in the cupboard still. Do you and Georgie want chocolate milk?”

“Yes,” Lily decided, dimpling at her father before she glanced up, squinting at Calum where he stood awkwardly in the darkness. “You’re that man from my daddy’s band. Did _you_ make him sad?”

She didn’t sound angry, just disappointed. Calum was bemused but Michael was watching him with something indecipherable glinting in his tear-wet eyes and the dark-haired man considered his next words properly.

“I hope not,” Calum said at last. “I don’t ever want to upset him. We were best friends.”

Lily watched him silently for a long time, her curly blonde hair a mess around her pale face, her eyes surprisingly stern. After what seemed like an age, she cracked a hesitant smile.

“Good,” Lily decided before she looked up at her father. “He can stay,” she told Michael and Calum grinned, felt his eyes crinkling like they did when he found something probably _too_ funny and was fighting not to show it.

The thing that amused him most was that, looking at the pair of little girls, it was _just_ like looking at Michael back when they’d both been at primary school, but with more hair and cleaner clothes.

Lily trotted back off into the living room, still looking a little dejected but marginally more cheerful than she had done previously. Michael looked fragile when he was left standing alone and, almost without meaning to, Calum pulled him into a hug.

Michael stiffened at first but he melted into it after a few seconds, fisting the back of Calum’s jumper tightly as he tucked his face away out of sight. Calum didn’t really know what the hell he was doing but Michael’s eyes were pained and Calum’s oldest best friend was fucking _hurting_ and… and it didn’t matter what had happened in the past.

That was all water under the bridge.

What mattered now was helping Michael. Calum _missed_ him and he craved how close they’d been once, back before everything had gone to shit.

“Let’s fix this evening, okay?” Calum said and Michael looked at him with a kind of desperation.

“What do you mean?” Michael mumbled.

“We’ll get a takeaway, we’ll order food shopping online… and then we can watch a film or something, okay? I mean, I don’t know what time your little ones have to go to bed but… I don’t know… um… How does that sound?”

“Like a very good idea,” Michael sighed, smiling weakly before he seemed to almost shake himself, leading Calum into the room. “C’mon. I have chocolate milk to make.”

Calum followed him, smiling but so stunned at… at _this_ because Michael had mentioned it that day they met up, had mentioned how fate was strange and now Calum could see what he meant because he’d _never_ seen Michael like this before.

His feelings of shock only increased as the evening went on because back when they teenagers Michael had been so different. He’d smoked, cut, taken drugs, fucked… so much. So damn much. (Calum fought not to remember the curl of jealousy inside him because that _wasn’t_ okay.)

Now Michael was sitting cross-legged on the sofa with Lily sitting on his lap. He was brushing her long blonde curls and plaiting them surprisingly neatly so that they wouldn’t get tangled when she went to bed. Georgie - still as grumpy as ever although she had given Calum a grudging smile when he’d accidentally-on-purpose made a stupid noise sneezing - was bundled up in a lavender-coloured duvet, lying on the sofa with her head cushioned on Michael’s thigh as she frowned at the cartoon playing on the television screen.

Calum had a feeling they weren’t usually allowed to stay up this late but their takeaway food had only arrived half an hour or so ago and Michael said he didn’t want them to go to bed until their food had gone down or they’d feel sick.

Calum couldn’t get over how _strange_ this was, watching Michael taking care of his daughters and trying to keep them happy even though he was sad too.

Calum didn’t want that though.

He wanted to see Michael _smile_ again.

 

**_It's alright, just wait and see._ **

 

Once the girls were in bed, Calum helped Michael order his shopping online. It was very easy - Michael looked weirdly triumphant when he ordered toilet rolls but Calum decided it probably wasn’t worth asking why - but the golden-haired man’s face fell slightly when he went to the checkout and saw the price.

“Might have to get rid of some of the extras,” Michael muttered but his face was so downcast now and… and Calum couldn’t believe how far Michael had fallen. “Let me go grab my wallet… I might have enough,” Michael said - somewhat doubtfully in Calum’s opinion - and the dark-haired man made a split-second decision the very moment Michael was out of the room, hurriedly entering his own card details and confirming the order before the golden-haired man could do much more than squawk (quietly because the girls were sleeping) in protest.

“Calum, you didn’t!” Michael looked stunned and Calum shrugged.

“You have two more mouths to feed. There’s only me and my dogs, Mike. I think I can lend a few dollars, help out a friend.”

Michael’s mouth fell open but he remained wordless as he slumped back down onto the sofa beside Calum, gripping his wallet tightly in his shaking hands. Calum let his palm fall to rest lightly on Michael’s arm and the older man gazed at Calum with eyes that were so tear-wet that even _Michael_ wouldn’t have been able to pass it off as hay fever.

“You - you didn’t -” Back in the past, Michael maybe would have bristled defensively at this, would have sworn because he wasn’t a charity case and didn’t like being treated like one but… but that clearly wasn’t happening this time and that knowledge left Calum’s head reeling. “I - thank you, Cal. _Thank you_.”

“It’s my pleasure, Mikey. It’s the _least_ I can do.” Calum spoke almost warily because the tears in Michael’s eyes looked like they were threatening to spill over.

“You’ve changed, Mikey,” Calum whispered, sitting across from Michael on the sofa with his legs crossed too, their knees touching like they used to when they were sitting together at school back when they were little kids. The words escaped him before he could stop them and Michael’s face crumpled when he processed them.

“No… I grew up.”

Calum’s palm was soft when he cupped the golden-haired man’s face gently.

“You’re still Michael.”

When the golden-haired man broke down into tears, Calum couldn’t say he was surprised although it still shocked him because he hadn’t been exposed to the hurricane that was Michael Clifford in pain since they were just kids.

“That day in the café… what you... what you said about Luke...” Michael’s words were ragged with the breaths quietly tearing out of him and his trembling hands clenched into fists. It made the tendons in his arms stand out, showed Calum the scars that had never really healed, even after all this time.

“Mikey, what is it?” Calum whispered and the golden-haired man let his head fall forwards, his slowly greying hair tumbling to hide his red eyes as he bit down hard on his full bottom lip.

“I like guys too.” Michael whispered so his voice wouldn’t have a chance to break again but the tears were streaming down his cheeks now and his face reflected exactly what Calum’s did: that life was never supposed to have been so _hard_. “I always have,” Michael gasped out, eyes faintly panicked now, like he couldn’t breathe properly.

Calum did the only thing he could think of.

He pulled Michael into his lap, forgot boundaries and fucking _pain_ for a moment because Michael had been his best friend in the whole world once and… and maybe that wasn’t over.

Michael tucked his face away, choking on a sob at Calum’s next words:

“I'm bisexual too. I realised a long time ago... when we were still in the band.”

Michael was fighting to be quiet - Calum could tell by the way he gritted his teeth and swallowed down his tears because he didn’t want to wake the girls up - but Calum wasn’t letting go of him anytime soon because the older man was fucking _sobbing_ at this revelation.

“We’re going to make you okay again, Michael,” Calum whispered, his lips brushing Michael’s forehead so gently that the older man might have imagined it. He felt eighteen again, terrified and hurt and falling apart in his best friend’s arms. “I promise.”

Calum ended up sleeping on Michael’s sofa that night.

He didn’t really mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it?  
> Please let me know and thank you so much for reading!  
> 


	5. Fluttering Like Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally cannot stop writing today wow. This never happens.

**_Your string of lights is still bright to me._ **

 

Michael and his girls saw a lot more of Calum after that.

They met up in the evenings when Michael was home from work and his daughters had been collected from the childminders. Sometimes they ordered in takeaway food and watched Disney films, generally while they were bundled up in duvets and buried beneath Georgie and Lily’s cuddly toys.

Calum had suggested that the three of them come round to his house for dinner instead and Michael had agreed, albeit hesitantly. He wasn’t sure what to expect because, back when they were younger, Calum’s house had been very similar to Michael’s. Neither family had been particularly well off – just like the older man wasn’t now – but… but Michael _knew_ things were different now and… and the uncertainty kind of scared him.

He drove the girls to Calum’s house in awkward silence and they seemed to pick up on the tension rolling off of him in waves because they stopped singing along to the radio.

“Where does the band man live?” Georgie asked and Michael smiled weakly at what she had taken to calling Calum over the last few weeks.

“He’s got one of the big houses we drive past when we go to the swimming pool sometimes, remember?” Michael asked and Lily perked up, looking out of the window from her booster seat with more interest.

“The houses that look like castles?” she asked hopefully and Michael’s smile was tight.

“Maybe,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “I’m not sure.”

Michael was pleasantly surprised when they arrived though because the place was nowhere _near_ as grand as he’d been imagining.

It was built of white stone, with lots of windows that made the place look airy. It was sprawling without being intimidating and it was surrounded by a lot of land, mostly grass with some woodland towards the far edge. A swimming pool cut through the grass and Michael smiled weakly because it reminded him of a young Ashton, even as the memories made his chest feel tight.

He hated feeling like this.

“Daddy, c’mon,” Lily said, tugging at his hand as Georgie clung to his leg shyly. “He’s opening the door.”

“Hey, guys,” Calum called, holding the door shut behind him which was… odd. “So glad you could make it! Do you wanna meet my puppies?”

“ _YES_!” Georgie squealed excitedly, detaching herself from her father’s leg and hurrying towards Calum. Lily hung back, entwining her fingers with Michael’s hesitantly. She wasn’t sure about dogs.

“They’re good with kids?” Michael checked and Calum got that soft look in his eyes again – the one that told Michael that he wasn’t the same anymore.

“Yeah, they’re fine. They’re used to my little cousins so it’s cool,” Calum said and Michael nodded. The door opened and out bounded three Labrador puppies, all in varying colours.

Georgie clapped her hand over her chest like her heart hurt and even Lily said “ _Awww_ ” without meaning to. Michael smiled, nudging Lily forwards gently so that she could pet them too.

“What’re their names?” the older girl asked Calum hesitantly as she knelt in the driveway to pet one of the dogs.

“The chocolate is Coco, the yellow is Sugar, and the black is Liquorice.” Calum rolled his eyes when Michael smirked just a little bit. “Mali named them,” Calum explained. Michael’s eyes became soft and sad.

“How is your sister?” he asked and Calum smiled slightly awkwardly.

“She’s good. She… she might… y’know… might pop round later… just for a cup of tea, you understand?”

“It’s fine, Calum,” Michael said, rolling his eyes although there was anxiety fluttering like butterflies in his stomach. Lily and Georgie were still very much entertained by the three puppies. “I missed her too.”

Calum grinned.

“She actually wouldn’t shut up about you once I’d mentioned you, kept going on about how you two used to pull pranks on people all the time. God, I miss those days. Right, anyway. C’mon in, guys. Welcome to my home.”

It was nice inside, just as airy as Michael had first assumed with a sweeping staircase and hardwood panels covering the floor. There were potted plants hanging from _everywhere_ and Michael snorted with laughter when he saw it.

“You’re such a hipster now, Cal,” Michael said but his voice was fond and the dark-haired man smiled at him with sparkling eyes.

“As if, Clifford,” Calum said but he was definitely lying because his tongue was pushing against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was talking absolute _rubbish_ and was hoping that no one would call him out on it.

The girls loved the place, immediately running off to explore once they’d been given the okay to do so. Michael followed Calum into the kitchen, watching as his oldest best friend put the kettle on before he made two lots of apple squash for the girls. He had to make them in mugs because he had no plastic cups in and they seemed a little more hardwearing than the glasses Calum had filling the cupboards.

Michael couldn’t believe how much Calum had _changed_.

“I was talking about you the other day,” the dark-haired man said once the girls had drunk some of their squash before disappearing again. Calum and Michael were sitting at the breakfast bar now, nursing their cups of coffee as they talked quietly.

“Didn’t _feel_ my ears burning,” Michael muttered, trying not to get defensive. Calum’s eyes were soft and warm.

“Don’t be silly,” Calum said quietly, sipping his drink and screwing his face up when he burnt his tongue. Michael’s lips twitched but he didn’t say anything. “I was talking to my mum actually.”

Michael’s eyebrows rose and Calum shrugged half-heartedly, stretching to pat Coco on the head because the little dog had just jumped up in an effort to be petted.

“We were talking about how it’s great that we’re seeing each other again,” Calum said quietly. “And then I wondered if… if maybe you’d like to meet up with Luke and Ashton again too… maybe?”

Michael could feel the fear etching itself onto his face and it was so _stupid_ except… except Calum had held him together when Michael was falling apart in his arms and… and damnit… how could Michael _not_ trust Calum after that?!

“I… I _would_ but… but I’d be scared that… that maybe they…” Michael swallowed audibly, letting out a soft sigh as he dropped his head into his hands for a moment. “Maybe they wouldn’t be as forgiving as you are.”

“Bullshit,” Calum said at once, his voice gentle and his eyes earnest. “Once they understand what happened… why you… y’know… Mikey, they… they can’t _not_ forgive you for… No, scratch that. There’s nothing to _forgive_!”

“Cal,” Michael said and his voice was weak. The old needle marks in the crook of his elbow were stinging and he rubbed the skin on the inside of one of his scarred wrists hard through his jumper, pressing bruises there with the pad of his thumb because that was all he allowed himself anymore. “Even _you_ don’t know what… what happened really so… so how can you think that –”

Calum took Michael’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and frowning when Michael’s shoulders slumped as his thumb fell away from his wrist.

“It doesn’t matter to me, Michael,” Calum promised and Michael looked up at him with what he would later attempt to deny were tears swimming in his emerald green eyes. “You’re here now and you’re okay and you’ve got your beautiful daughters and you’re **you** , Michael. Completely and unashamedly. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. You still shine so goddamn bright, I promise you.”

“ _Calum_ ,” Michael croaked, seconds away from bursting into tears at the fierce determination burning in Calum’s lovely chocolate brown eyes as he fixed Michael with a hard stare. The pads of his fingers were soft as they touched Michael’s cheekbone gently though and the older man let his eyes fall shut as the last of the anxiety burnt out of his system.

“I don’t deserve a friend like you,” Michael whispered and Calum tutted under his breath, raising Michael’s chin gently with his thumb.

“That’s a lie.” Calum smiled slightly as he pushed Michael’s cooling coffee into his unresisting hands. “Drink up.” They were quiet as Michael raised his mug slowly but Calum’s eyes remained fixed on his face. “If I _promised_ you that they weren’t going to be weird… would you meet them again then?”

Michael tensed but he set his mug down carefully all the same, careful not to slop any coffee onto the shiny granite surface of the breakfast bar.

“Yes,” he said hesitantly but there was fear in his eyes again now and Calum looked regretful for bringing it up again. “But… not now…” Michael shook his head, biting his lip. “I know Luke’s coming out at the moment so he’s… a bit… y’know…”

“Stressed?” Calum suggested but his eyes were hard now as he glared towards a newspaper lying curled on the breakfast bar nearby. Luke’s face was plastered across the front cover. Michael felt something angry unfurling in his chest at the headline.

“Yeah, stressed,” the older man said through gritted teeth. “But… um… how’s Ash? And Bryana?”

“Stressed,” Calum repeated but he was smiling faintly now. “They’re kind of in the process of moving house at the moment. They won’t be too far from here actually… and Luke doesn’t really have a place of his own at the moment, what with the recording in LA and stuff but… I don’t know. Once he’s back in Sydney, maybe he’ll buy somewhere too.”

“Well, I hope it will work out for all of them then,” Michael said and Calum smiled, didn’t say: “ _You can tell them that yourself_ ” despite clearly thinking it, and Michael just appreciated it a lot.

“What time’s Mali going to accidentally-on-purpose turn up at?” Michael asked and Calum grinned, even as he cringed a bit at the sound of a crash before two little girls and three over-excited puppies bounded into the room.

“Half seven,” he said with a shrug. “Figured we could have dinner first. I was going to make paella.”

Michael wasn’t sure how much Georgie and Lily would enjoy it but he wanted them to try things at least once so that they didn’t become too fussy. Unfortunately though, despite the puppies sniffing the air excitedly at the smell of chicken and fresh prawns, Georgie and Lily weren’t anywhere near as excited.

The girls ended up eating slightly burnt fish fingers and baked beans from some plastic bowls Calum had found that he insisted hadn’t once been used for the puppies. Michael didn’t care. They were clean and a rather hideous purple colour which Lily seemed to enjoy.

At least they had food.

Michael and Calum sat at the breakfast bar, both eating _far_ too much paella for one person. The girls had long since finished now, back sitting on the floor playing with the puppies.

Georgie had smeared ketchup all over the sleeve of her flowery pink top and Lily’s yellow ribbon had just fallen from her soft hair which was an absolute _disaster_ obviously but they were both happy, and the puppies seemed in their element too.

God, Michael hadn’t felt this good in a _long_ time, watching Georgie and Lily having fun as Calum looked on with a grin that showed his dimples in his soft cheeks as the girls started to playfully squabble over which the puppies loved most.

And it was enough.

It was _more_ than enough.

Michael was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought!  
> Thank you :) <3


	6. Under His Feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed you guys will enjoy this.  
> I liked writing it.

**_Oh, who you are is not where you've been._ **

 

Michael often found himself getting starry-eyed around Calum.

It was getting more and more often. He’d drop things in the younger man’s presence, trip over his own feet and slop drinks all over himself - much to Lily and Georgie’s amusement - and just generally make a fool of himself. Michael found he didn’t even really _care_ though because Calum looked up with crinkling, chocolate brown eyes and a soft smile tugging at the corners of his full lips, and none of it mattered in the slightest… and the dark-haired man liked _guys_ too. That was a fact Michael was finding difficult to forget.

The pair were going out together tonight actually. It wasn’t a date - Michael had insisted as much when Lily pointedly asked him why he was taking an hour and a half to get ready - and Michael was desperately trying to remind himself of this fact because… because how _could_ it be? Just because Calum was bisexual too didn’t mean he would automatically fancy someone like _Michael_.

God, after the mess with Hannah… Michael hadn’t even looked for anyone else because… damnit, who was going to _want_ him?

Just because Calum came round most evenings now and cooked Michael dinner and took Michael and his girls out on trips at the weekends didn’t _necessarily_ mean that…

Michael shook his thoughts away. The girls were being babysat by ‘Auntie Mali’ tonight - they’d both absolutely fallen in love with her the previous month when they’d met her at Calum’s house and she’d played with the puppies with them - and it was Michael’s first night off in a long, _long_ time.

He was determined to enjoy himself.

Calum came to pick Michael up at seven o’clock. Mali had turned up half an hour earlier and laughed softly at Michael when she saw the slightly frantic expression on his face before helping him choose a navy blue shirt that apparently made his eyes look brighter.

Michael left the house feeling more comfortable than he usually did, content in the knowledge that the girls _loved_ Mali and she had his mobile number if she needed him anyway.

Calum took him to an Italian place in town, somewhere _way_ more expensive than Michael would ever consider going alone.

“It’s okay,” Calum said quietly when they were seated at a table and Michael saw the prices on the menu for the first time. “I’ve got this, Mikey. Don’t even worry about it.”

Calum squeezed Michael’s hand comfortingly when they sat down and it made Michael’s heart flutter painfully in his chest. The room had low lighting and there was music playing softly in the background, familiar although it took Michael a moment to place it as an old All Time Low song.

“Cinderblock Garden,” Calum realised just as Michael placed the song. Calum’s hand was still resting over Michael’s in the dimly lit room.

“ _I think we're onto something. We can't run from fate but we can let it take us down, down this road, where all our colours run together. Let's take the worst and make it better. Let's take this mess and make a home._ ”

Michael wondered how embarrassing it would be if he had an attack of hayfever now. Calum probably wouldn’t judge him. Everyone else might though.

“ _I know it gets hard for you to stay, but do you really want to throw it all away? _”__

A nearby waitress looked like she was considering coming over but Calum raised his hand politely, gesturing that they’d still be a few minutes yet. Michael’s emerald green eyes were swimming with tears because he felt eighteen again kind of, terrified and vulnerable and slipping away.

Calum’s hand tightened around his and Michael gave him the wateriest smile he could dredge up.

“ _I'm thinking that we could make forever after all, finding the gold in our darkest moments, watching the roads turning into white roses, roses, and we don't ever have to leave these walls. I'll be the boy with the silver lining. You'll be the girl with the cinderblock garden._ ”

Michael shook his head, pretending his eyes _weren’t_ glistening with tears as he chanced a brighter smile.

“Talk to me,” he begged Calum. “Before I get all teary and someone takes a picture or something.”

Calum smiled at Michael, soft and slow, like treacle almost, and it made Michael’s stomach flop excitedly as he turned his hand over hesitantly, entwining his fingers with the younger man’s.

“I can do that,” Calum said with a slow grin. He rubbed Michael’s palm gently with his thumb, not commenting on why they were still holding hands. “Do you remember when we went to that All Time Low concert? You got to play onstage with them, Mike. Do you remember that?”

“Of course I fucking do,” Michael said but there was a grin on his face now, shining brighter than the darkness in his eyes. “And then we got pissed on the way home and I sang Little Mix in the taxi and you were almost sick because you drank too much tequila back in the hotel room.”

“Shut up,” Calum said, blushing even as he fought to suppress his smile. “At least I didn’t get ridiculously over-emotional singing… was it Black Magic?”

“Now _you_ can shut up,” Michael countered but his cherry-red lips were stretching into a warm smile and Calum relaxed back in his chair.

“I spoke to Jack the other day,” the dark-haired man piped up suddenly and it took Michael a moment to realise he was talking about Jack Barakat from All Time Low. The song was coming to an end now and it must have reminded him. “He mentioned you actually.”

“Yeah?” Michael asked and the smile was softer now, more sincere. “How is he?”

“He’s good,” Calum said, his dimples creasing his cheeks as he finally withdrew his hand unwillingly from Michael’s, curling his fingers together.

“Man, I miss that dude,” Michael sighed and Calum grinned at him reassuringly.

“He misses you too, Mikey. You were all he was going on about.”

Michael felt a bit lighter after that.

 

**_You're still an innocent._ **

 

Calum passed Jack’s mobile number onto Michael a week later after the All Time Low guitarist suggested it and Michael was so, _so_ fucking happy.

The thirty two year old had decided to call Jack from work during his lunchbreak so at least the girls wouldn’t be under his feet but… he also had to go back to work afterwards and he wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea.

Michael hoped the call would go okay. He hoped Jack would forgive him for losing touch.

Michael was kind of trembling when he called the number and it felt a lot like his heart had stopped beating in his chest when the older man answered the phone.

“Is that Mikey?” Same American accent. Same hint of suppressed laughter. Fresh tears welling in Michael's eyes.

“Hi, Jack,” Michael croaked, feeling like a kid again, like that night in the restaurant with Calum.

“Hey, bro,” Jack said cheerfully, his voice this familiar rumble that made a lump threaten to rise in Michael’s throat. “How’ve ya been? Cal said you’ve got two little baby children now. That’s so fucking _rad_ , dude! Did you name them after me?”

“Both of them?” Michael’s voice was shaking a bit but he was smiling wide. “Yeah, course I did, Jack. Both of my daughters are named in your honour - Jack and Barakat.”

“As they should be,” Jack said with a grin before his tone became fractionally more serious. “But how've you been, bro? I haven't seen you since the overdose -”

Michael made a small choking sound, like Jack’s words had hurt him, and the older man hurriedly changed the subject.

“Next time I'm in Sydney,” he said quickly. “I'll come and meet the girls, yeah? And we should meet up for a drink too. It'll be just like old times, right?”

“It could be better,” Michael said and he could almost hear Jack’s smile.

“I missed you so much, bro,” Jack said quietly and Michael’s eyes were suspiciously damp.

“I missed you too, man. I can't wait to see you.”

Michael just wished he wasn't still too scared to see Luke and Ashton again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought - and thank you for reading! <3


	7. Kiss The Pain Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of crazy anxious today but writing this helped a bit.  
> I hope it's okay <3

**_You’re still an innocent._ **

 

It was beginning to be unusual if Calum and Michael _weren’t_ spending time together now.

Calum loved it – he’d missed Michael so, _so_ much over the last decade that getting to spend time with his oldest best friend now meant more than Calum could put into words.

It was the same for Michael too although he tried to ignore his feelings, afraid of getting hurt again.

It was Friday evening and, after work and school, Michael had taken the girls round to Calum’s house for a film night. Lily and Georgie soon lost interest in the film though, running off to play with the puppies in the back garden as the sunset stained the sky a fiery ruby.

Calum paused the film eventually since neither of them had any particular wish to watch _Tangled_ without the girls and Calum’s laptop was balanced on his lap as Michael sat beside him, his cheek resting on the back of the sofa cushion as Calum searched for some music to listen to on YouTube.

“Put one of our first covers on,” Michael murmured, his full lips twitching into a faint smile when Calum laughed softly.

“These make me cringe so bad,” the younger man sighed, rolling his eyes and running a hand through his dark hair as he found their cover of Teenage Dirtbag.

“Amazingly awful,” Michael muttered, his smile softer now as his head fell to settle on Calum’s shoulder. A young Luke screwed his face up as he went for a high note and Ashton was concentrating hard as he drummed out a rhythm. Calum looked unbearably sweet. “We’re so young,” Michael breathed and it came out sounding suspiciously wet.

“If we’d only known,” Calum said softly and, although Michael _knew_ Calum meant how famous they’d become, all Michael could think of was how he’d torn everything up.

Calum had the autoplay option on and the song changed automatically once Teenage Dirtbag ended.

A lump rose in Michael’s throat when their old cover of Drown began to play and Calum’s arm slipped around Michael’s shoulders wordlessly as the familiar chords washed over him.

This had been recorded at a really bad time for Michael – he tried not to think about it but it was too hard when the phantom pain of needles in the crooks of his arms flared hot – and his breath jerked out of him like someone had kicked him in the stomach.

“ _What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead. Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper, and I can’t take one more moment of this silence. The loneliness is haunting me, and the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up._ ”

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were warm but so, _so_ sad. His face looked blurry and it took Michael a moment to realise that it was because there were tears streaming down his face and clouding his vision. He didn’t really remember losing it but the sobs were so violent that his hands had slipped up to cover his mouth without his permission, trying to hold the pained sounds in so he didn’t scare the girls.

“ _It comes in waves. I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me. It’s not okay and it’s not alright. Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?_ ”

Calum pulled Michael into his lap, wrapping his arms securely around the older man’s shoulders and carding his fingers gently through Michael’s golden hair as Calum rocked him comfortingly.

There was so much Calum could have said then – he could have mentioned Michael cutting, could have mentioned the alcohol and the drugs and the police, the overdose and how Calum had felt when he found Michael lying slumped in the back room of their tour bus…

But he didn’t speak at all… and Michael had never been more grateful.

“ _Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down? Save me from myself. Don’t let me drown._ ”

Michael was still panicking though, shudders of hot and cold searing through him as his breath heaved in his chest, and he wished this wouldn’t happen. He wished he could remember without feeling like his heart was being scraped raw with sandpaper but it just wasn’t _possible_.

“ _Who will make me fine? Drag me out alive? Save me from myself. Don’t let me drown._ ”

Michael pulled his jumper off over his head, suddenly feverishly hot as sobs scraped out of his throat and tears rolled down his flaming cheeks. He was ashamed – he was _disgusted_ with himself – but Calum was still here somehow, thumbing his tears away gently and whispering that everything was going to be okay.

Michael’s arms were bare now and, no matter how much he tried to stretch his sleeves down, it didn’t help. The scars were painfully obvious and Michael hated them so, _so_ much. They made him feel sick and he _hated_ that Calum could see him like this now, that he was probably realising that Michael still hurt just as much as he had done back then… that everything Michael had put the band through hadn’t made the smallest bit of difference.

Calum was still holding Michael against his chest but one of his hands slipped up to touch the inside of Michael’s wrist, just brushing the raised skin there with the pads of his fingertips as Michael’s breath shuddered out of him in a shocked gasp.

Calum paused the music before, with his free hand, he resumed stroking Michael’s hair away from his sweaty forehead again and Michael gradually regained control of his ragged breathing.

“They’re nothing to be ashamed of,” Calum said after a moment, his fingertips tracing the scars Michael had left before they drifted up to the crook of his elbow. Michael shuddered again, biting down on a sob as fresh tears spilt over.

“They’re nothing to be ashamed of,” Calum repeated firmly, his voice kind and patient. His lips brushed the back of Michael’s neck and the older man melted back against him, a soft sigh escaping him as Calum held him tighter. “They’re just a part of your life and that’s not a bad thing. You should never, _ever_ hate yourself for that because scars are beautiful, Mikey. They show you survived.”

Michael’s tears were falling again but he was calmer now, tired and so fucking drained that all he could do was lie there in Calum’s arms and _breathe_ which was of course the moment when Georgie and Lily decided to return.

Calum’s fingers were still running comfortingly over the scars covering Michael’s arms and the girls watched the pair curiously.

“What’re those?” Lily whispered, her tangled hair falling into her clever eyes as she watched Calum comforting her father. Georgie clung to Lily’s hand, her little face growing worried.

“They’re scars,” Calum said after a moment of hesitation. Michael turned his face away, ashamed as another tear rolled down his cheek, and Calum held him closer. “It’s where your dad got hurt once.”

Georgie climbed up onto the sofa too, wrapping her arms around Michael’s soft middle and pressing her face into his ribs through the thin t-shirt he was wearing. Michael wrapped his arm around her shakily and a watery smile tugged at his lips when Lily clambered up inelegantly too, snuggling down beside her little sister with her cheek resting on Michael’s shoulder.

“Daddy, get better,” Georgie said in a serious little voice, making Michael cry harder. Lily pressed a kiss to Michael’s arm.

“You always kiss my knees when I hurt them,” she told him when he looked at her with tears running down his cheeks. “And that makes me feel better. So now I want _you_ to feel better instead.”

“Better,” Georgie repeated, fixing Michael with an owlish stare as she looked at him with her wide eyes, framed with long lashes.

Michael smiled but Calum thought it looked a lot like his heart was crumbling to pieces in his chest.

“Let’s put the rest of the film on,” Calum said suddenly, kindly distracting Michael’s daughters with _Tangled_ so that Michael could attempt to regain a little dignity and dry his eyes in peace.

Lily and Georgie sat down on the beanbags Calum had bought them a few weeks previously, dragging them close to the television. Normally Michael would tell them to get away from the screen but there wasn’t too much of the film left and he didn’t have an argument in him tonight.

Michael stayed lying slumped on the sofa instead, curled up next to Calum as the dark-haired man kept him close, rubbing his thumb comfortingly on the back of Michael’s neck.

Calum kept letting his lips brush the top of Michael’s head distractedly, almost like he wasn’t aware that he was doing it, and it made the pain in Michael’s chest feel less raw somehow.

Calum hummed contentedly when Michael lay so that his head was pillowed on the younger man’s thighs and Calum stroked Michael’s hair again, the action so calming that Michael felt himself beginning to drop off to sleep in the comforting darkness of Calum’s living room.

It was at times like this when Michael realised that falling in love with Calum was inevitable.

 

**_Did some things you can't speak of._ **

 

Michael still felt delicate at work on Monday morning but Calum had helped more than he knew.

Michael felt _cleaner_ almost, like crying all those tears had washed some of the dirt and dried blood away, and he was still shining underneath.

Michael was on his lunch break, sitting on one of the wooden benches in the park near his office as he ate a chicken mayo sandwich. Georgie and Lily would be eating their packed lunches now too, he knew, and Michael hoped they were alright. He was worried about the bullying Lily had mentioned although she insisted that was getting better now. Michael had called her teacher but they hadn’t done anything. He didn’t want his girls to have to deal with that.

Michael’s expression was morose as he took a strip of chicken from his sandwich, eating it distractedly as a pigeon fluttered down nearby, pecking hopefully at the ground in case Michael had dropped any crumbs. He sighed softly, tearing a crust free and tossing it into the grass for the bird to eat.

He wondered what was causing the pangs of anxiety in his chest today. He didn’t have to present anything, there were no plans he was worrying about after work, and he got to go home in under four hours to pick the girls up from their childminder. Michael had no idea what was wrong. He just felt like something was going to happen maybe, felt a slight tension in the air…

Michael almost felt like he should have _known_ when he received a text from Calum that made his heart jolt fearfully in his chest.

**[From CALUM] Received at 12:16**

**hey mikey, hope you’re feeling okay <3 ash and bry just moved into their new place and want visitors!! im gonna go and see them this saturday – you wanna come? idk if luke will be there or not… but let me know tonight when i see you – no pressure xx**

Michael’s heart was beating too fast in his chest but he slipped his phone into his suit pocket, deciding to simply try and forget about it until Calum came round their house for dinner that evening.

Unfortunately it wasn’t that easy though and, by the time six o’clock rolled round and Calum turned up in his work clothes with his briefcase in one hand, Michael was anxious. Genuinely _properly_ anxious. Probably the most anxious he’d been since breaking up with _Hannah_.

His hands were shaking and he’d dropped dried pasta all over the kitchen floor twice in his attempts to boil it. His pale face was unusually flushed.

“Mikey?” Calum asked softly when the older man opened the door jerkily. “Mikey, what is it?”

Michael just shrugged, his bleak smile not even going close to touching his eyes. Calum’s expression softened and he reached out without thinking, cupping Michael’s cheek and smiling gently when Michael let himself lean into it.

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart,” Calum murmured and neither of them commented on the pet name. “I promise.”

Michael gave Calum a watery smile, his emerald green eyes shining beneath the single bulb hanging in the hallway. It made his hair shine like burnished gold but it also made the tired circles under his eyes look like bruises.

Calum wanted to kiss the pain away and the realisation came to him out of nowhere, stunned him so much that his mouth fell open in shock and he only heard half of what his oldest best friend was saying.

“– girls chose macaroni cheese for dinner. I hope you still like it. Is that –” Michael faltered, frowning at Calum as the younger man’s cheeks flushed red and he gave Michael a rueful, slightly shaky smile. “Are _you_ alright?”

“Yep,” Calum said but he sounded a little breathless. “Let’s… let’s go finish dinner. Lily and Georgie will be hungry.”

“So am I,” Michael said, laughing quietly when Calum shot him a weak smile. “Mac and cheese is my favourite.”

It was only when Michael led Calum into the kitchen where he’d left Georgie and Lily colouring in at the table that he realised he felt calmer just for having seen the dark-haired man.

God, Michael was in deep shit because it felt like his desperately suppressed feelings for Calum grew every single time he _saw_ him and… and Michael and Calum saw an awful lot of each other these days.

“That smells great, Mikey,” Calum said enthusiastically. Lily beamed when she saw him and Georgie gave Calum a small smile, wordlessly raising a picture of a dog she’d just spent over an hour drawing although she looked delighted when he applauded her.

“For you,” she said loftily and Calum’s smile grew so much that his sweet, chocolate brown eyes crinkled adorably.

“Thank you, princess Georgie!”

Calum had picked up the nicknames Michael had for his daughters around a month ago. Michael’s heart may have been melting in his chest. _Maybe_.

They sat down to eat quarter of an hour later and the girls were both chattering excitedly about their days at school. Lily seemed content which relieved Michael a lot but his heart was still fluttering nervously at the thought of potentially seeing his old bandmates again.

Michael needed to be calm for his girls but it was _hard_ until Calum squeezed his hand gently under the table, lingering there until the knot of anxiety in Michael’s chest eased.

When Michael found himself agreeing that they would all go to Ashton and Bryana’s new house on Saturday, it felt almost like someone else was speaking.

Michael wanted to say no the moment the words were out of his mouth but Calum looked so pleased that Michael’s disagreement soured in his mouth and he stayed silent.

He couldn’t let Calum down.

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought and I hope this answered some of your questions <3  
> Thank you for reading!


	8. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but necessary to hopefully answer some of your questions.  
> Also angsty as fuck.  
> (And trigger warning for drug overdose).  
> I got fucking sad writing this but the ending was cathartic so I hope you guys will enjoy it.

**_But at night you live it all again._ **

 

Calum stayed over at Michael’s on Friday night, tucked up on the sofa beneath a spare purple quilt that had once belonged to Georgie. The official reason was that it made travelling to Ashton and Bryana’s easier the next morning but, if he was being honest with himself (and Calum usually tried to be), he just wanted to spend more time with Michael.

Calum and Michael stayed lying curled together on the sofa long after the girls had gone to bed. They were watching the very first Star Wars film and usually Calum would have enjoyed it but he was too tired after a long week at work, and he fell asleep with his head resting on Michael’s shoulder.

Calum woke briefly an hour later as Michael raised his head gently to put a pillow beneath him before he headed upstairs to bed himself but Calum had barely processed this before his eyes slid shut again, pulling him under and into dreams.

 

_Calum opened his eyes._

_He was standing in their old tour bus. It was overcast outside, the rain pounding against the windows as they were driven along. Luke and Ashton were in their bunks. Michael was in the back room._

_The hairs on the back of Calum’s neck were rising and he could feel something crackling in the air, a tension… as taut as an elastic band that was just about to **snap**._

_The door slid open and Calum frowned as he entered the room because something felt… wrong._

_Michael was lying slumped, half on the sofa and half on the ground. His breathing was shallow and laboured, his skin cool and sweaty against Calum’s shaking fingertips when they brushed Michael’s pale forehead as the younger boy sank down onto his knees beside his best friend._

_”Mikey?” Calum whispered and his heart was pounding too fast in his chest, thrumming like a hummingbird as Calum’s panic overwhelmed him. “Mikey, please. Wake up.”_

_Michael’s eyes fluttered open but they were glazed and he couldn’t focus on Calum’s face. There were tears pouring down the dark-haired boy’s face now and a frightened whimper escaped him when Michael made a small choking sound, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth._

_There was an empty bottle of pills lying on the floor._

_Michael’s pulse was weak against Calum’s fingers._

_”Ashton! Luke! Help! Please!”_

_Michael was limp in Calum’s grip._

_Calum was sobbing._

 

The thirty one year old jerked awake with a start. The purple quilt had fallen onto the floor and Calum was trembling, violent shudders tearing through him as his tears boiled over. He could hear the clock on Michael’s living room wall ticking loudly in the silence. It was just after three in the morning.

Calum staggered to his feet, wiping his eyes fiercely with the back of his hand before he wrapped his arms around himself tightly. It was cold and he was scared.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Calum said shakily, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably with his trembling hand as he stood there in the darkness. All he could see in his mind’s eye was eighteen year old Michael’s vacant face and the white slivers of his eyes behind their lids as blood trickled from his mouth.

Calum felt fucking stupid but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep again tonight… not until he went upstairs and saw for himself that Michael was still here… still **alive**.

A ragged sob escaped Calum and the tears streaming down his face were relentless now as he crept towards the stairs, fighting to be quiet so that he wouldn’t wake Lily and Georgie and… and, god, they were the proof that Michael was still here… that he’d _made_ it…

That Calum hadn’t lost him.

Michael woke up the moment Calum pushed his bedroom door open hesitantly, immediately alert in a way that probably only came about after having children. Calum’s cheeks were flaming with embarrassment but the pure _relief_ he could feel burning through him was impossible to mask when the older man pushed himself sleepily into a sitting position.

“Cal?” Michael asked softly, his dark blue t-shirt slipping to reveal one pale shoulder as he stretched. “What’s wrong, darling?”

Calum felt smaller than Lily and Georgie as he stood there trembling at the foot of Michael’s bed with his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

“I... I dreamt…” Calum closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. “I dreamt that you -”

Michael looked appalled.

“ _Still_?” the older man breathed and the pain on his face hurt to look at. “Even now?”

Calum nodded jerkily but another sob tore out of him and Michael’s emerald green eyes brimmed with tears as he pulled the corner of the duvet back wordlessly so that Calum could climb in beside him. The older man opened his arms and Calum’s sobs only quietened when Michael cradled him gently to his chest, warm and safe and **alive**.

Neither of them spoke but Michael gripped Calum’s hand tightly under the duvet and the younger man gripped it back just as hard.

It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!  
> Ashton, Bryana and maybe even Luke next time....  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	9. In Over His Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually way less angsty than I planned. I'm sorry it took so long too.  
> Fingers crossed you won't hate it.

**_You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now._ **

 

Calum looked exhausted when they woke up a few hours later and Michael felt terrible for it.

Calum didn’t want to talk about it though - Michael could see it in his tensed jaw and the tired circles under his dark eyes - and Michael respected that. He’d put Calum through enough grief. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him anymore than he already had.

Lily and Georgie seemed excited as Michael helped them into the booster seats they’d bought for the back of Calum’s car. On the contrary, Michael’s stomach was twisting with nerves but he was trying not to show it as Calum sent him a tired smile from the driver’s seat.

“They’re not far from here,” Calum said as he maneuvered out of the space he’d parallel-parked in the night before. “So it shouldn’t take too long.”

It took almost half an hour though because Calum was driving slowly after his fitful night and the journey was just long enough that Michael’s palms began to sweat with nerves as his daughters sang along to the radio in the back of the car, utterly oblivious to the tension rolling off of Michael in waves.

Calum hesitated when they stopped at the traffic lights but, after taking one look at the frightened expression on his best friend’s face, Calum gave Michael’s knee a gentle squeeze, his hand lingering there before they had to move off again.

“It’s gonna be okay, Mikey,” Calum promised but he bit his lip nervously when he pulled into what must have been Ashton and Bryana’s new driveway. “ _Oh_... Luke’s car is here too.”

When Michael climbed out of the car with his daughters and followed Calum up towards the house, he felt almost like he was going to his own funeral.

Bryana opened the door on the second knock, all blonde hair and bright smiles. She’d been going through a rough patch with Ashton when Michael had finally lost control all those years ago but that clearly wasn't the case now. Her wedding ring shone on her finger. Her smile finally reached her eyes.

“Michael,” she said and the kindness saturating the word made tears threaten in the golden-haired man’s emerald green eyes. “It’s been too long.”

“Well, ten years is a long time,” a familiar voice said flatly from behind her and Michael resisted the urge to flinch back when Ashton came into view. He had aged of course - they all had - but his hazel eyes were the same and his hair hadn’t changed a bit. It was still utterly untameable.

“Ash,” Calum said quietly and the weariness he’d been feeling all morning saturated his voice. “Not now.”

Ashton looked uneasy and worried which was never a good mix for him. It made him prickly and defensive, and only Bryana and occasionally Luke had been able to calm him before.

Therefore, Michael was incredibly surprised when Ashton’s tanned face suddenly softened when his gaze settled on Michael’s daughters. He crouched down on the doorstep and, although Lily lingered beside Michael with her hand gripping his tightly, Georgie fixed Ashton with a stern look, sucking on her thumb nervously as she wandered closer, although she kept one hand outstretched behind her, fingers wrapped around Calum’s wrist protectively.

“You were in daddy’s band like Cal,” Georgie said, green eyes fixed on Ashton’s face. Michael had attempted to tame her mousy brown hair that morning but it was escaping its plaits. “You played the drums.”

Ashton blinked at her, surprise colouring his hazel eyes. He smiled at her, a tiny curve of his lips like it had escaped without his permission.

“I did,” he said and Ashton glanced up at Michael, just a flicker of eye contact but it was enough for Michael to feel goosebumps breaking out on his skin. Calum stepped a little closer to Michael but Lily wandered closer to her little sister, giving Bryana a shy smile where the blonde woman was lingering in the open doorway.

“I like your dress,” Lily told her shyly, pale cheeks blushing the colour of blossom as she looked at Ashton’s wife’s white dress. It was lacy, patterned with flowers that stood out in the material with little capped sleeves that Lily looked at longingly.

“I like your hair,” Bryana countered, smiling fondly at Lily’s soft blonde curls before she glanced up towards the clouds in the sky. “Come inside, everyone. Shoes off please. I’m trying to keep this carpet clean for at least a week after moving in.” She laughed as she spoke and Ashton’s eyes were melted caramel when he looked at her.

“Lovely place, Bry,” Calum said as Ashton shut the door behind them. “Oh, you have a fish tank now! Georgie? Lily? Come and have a look at this with us.”

That left Michael standing in the hallway alone with Ashton.

“So…” The older man’s voice trailed away and Michael wanted the floor to open up beneath his feet. “How’ve you been?”

_Hurting. Terrified. Crumbling._

“Fine,” Michael said after a moment, wrapping his arms around himself. “You… you look well… Cal said Luke’s here.”

Ashton was watching Michael like he didn’t know what to make of him anymore and it reminded Michael of that evening with Calum, the night when he’d denied changing but simply growing up… the night when he’d told Calum that maybe he wasn’t as straight as he’d always pretended… the night when Calum had held Michael until he didn’t feel so much like he was falling apart anymore.

“Yeah, he is,” Ashton said after a moment, still frowning faintly at Michael although he gave Calum a distracted smile when the dark-haired man led Georgie and Lily back. Bryana had gone into the kitchen to put the kettle on. “He wanted to see you.”

Michael couldn’t help but feel like perhaps Ashton didn’t share that sentiment.

“So did I,” the older man said suddenly and… okay… maybe Ashton had changed too.

“Come and sit down,” the curly-haired man offered, extending an arm towards the living room.

It was mostly blue and grey in there, with blankets stretched over the back of the sofas and a flat screen television mounted on the wall. Potted plants covered most surfaces and there was a battered old guitar in the corner of the room on a stand. Michael vaguely remembered it as the one Ashton had messed around with all those years ago on the tour bus. Michael had taught him to play a few songs on it, he was fairly sure.

Luke rose from one of the three sofas when Michael followed Ashton into the large room. The sky was grey outside and the lighting was soft in the room as the long curtains draped down onto the floor.

“Hey, Mikey,” Luke said. Michael’s hands fell to tug nervously at his sleeves and the younger man’s sky blue eyes followed the movement, saddening in his pale face.

“Hi, Luke,” Michael said quietly, offering a weak smile as his anxiety thrummed through his veins like wildfire. “Your latest single is amazing.”

“You liked _Darkest Night_?” Luke’s face cracked into a real smile but there was something melancholy in his eyes. “Thank you! I always miss asking your opinion on the chords I choose,” he admitted suddenly and Michael was pleased when his daughters reappeared in the room, providing a much-needed distraction, because Michael was about three seconds away from crying.

“There’s the other one from the band!” Georgie said, sounding so outraged that it actually drew a startled laugh from Michael because the four year old looked very offended that she’d been surprised so much today. Luke’s face lit up and, for just a moment, he looked eighteen again. Wide eyed and happy and _glowing_.

“Are you Georgie or Lily?” Luke asked and Georgie gave him a long considering look as her older sister wandered into the room beside Calum and Bryana.

“I’m Georgie,” the little girl said, fixing Luke with the sort of hard stare Michael had once used to wear when he wasn’t allowed a turn at Fifa. “You have very pretty eyes.” She spoke fiercely and Luke looked taken aback for a moment before a smile lit up his face, making him shine so bright that Michael had to look away for a moment.

“Thank you,” the blond man said quietly as Calum sank down onto the sofa beside Michael, shooting the green-eyed man a tired smile as he got comfortable.

“Would any of you like a drink?” Bryana asked from the doorway. Georgie wandered off to look at the fishes in the tank again. Lily’s attention was quickly held when she saw a vase of flowers on the coffee table and she hurried to investigate.

“I’ll have a tea please, Bry,” Luke said hopefully and Ashton asked for one too. Michael opted for coffee because he was tired too, having been kept awake the night before in his attempts to comfort a sobbing Calum who had apparently been well and truly fucked up when Michael had almost killed himself all those years before.

It seemed obvious when he thought of it like that.

Michael hated himself for hurting his friends.

“You’re blond again, Mikey,” Luke said suddenly after a few minutes of quiet calm and Michael looked up absently as Bryana returned with their drinks on a tray. He gave the younger man a weak smile.

“This is just my natural hair colour, Luke. I haven’t dyed it in a long, _long_ time.”

“You used to have so many colours,” Luke said with a soft smile, cupping his mug of tea as he sat cross-legged on Ashton and Bryana’s sofa.

“Did you, daddy?” Lily asked from where she was admiring the flowers. Luke gave this delighted little laugh.

“You’ve never seen? He used to have pink hair!”

“Really?” Georgie asked as she appeared in the doorway suddenly, almost as fast as she did when Michael got the chocolate biscuits out. “Honest and truly? You’re not lying?”

Luke spent the remainder of the afternoon googling pictures of a teenage Michael with various different hair colours to amuse Lily and Georgie, much to their delight. They seemed very taken with Luke to tell the truth, having warmed to him almost as quickly as they had to Mali.

Calum stayed sitting beside Michael, head resting on the back of the sofa as his chocolate brown eyes drooped. He was so tired and Michael wasn’t surprised when Calum drifted off to sleep, head lolling to rest on the older man’s shoulder instead. Michael’s expression was soft as he raised his hand to card his fingers gently through the younger man’s dark curls. When he looked up, Ashton was watching him silently.

“What _are_ you two?” the older man asked quietly, keeping his voice low so that no one else would hear.

“I don’t know,” Michael said honestly and the last of the ice melted out of Ashton’s eyes.

“He cares about you more than… _before_ ,” Ashton noted, glancing towards the tanned man and away again. His lips twitched weakly as he took in the wonder on Michael’s face. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

Calum’s cheek was soft on Michael’s skin, his full lips parted slightly as he exhaled. He looked soft and small - like he needed protecting almost - and Michael realised that he was in over his head where Calum was concerned. Michael chanced a glance up when Bryana distracted Ashton with a soft kiss, watching as his daughters wriggled closer to Luke, keen to look at whatever picture he had on his phone. Michael had noticed him skipping a few hurriedly before they could notice them and Michael was quite pleased he wasn’t there to look. It hurt thinking about the younger Michael that was displayed in those pictures.

Michael inhaled shakily, tensing a little as he struggled to keep his breathing calm, and Calum blinked one of his beautiful chocolate brown eyes open as he watched Michael.

“You okay?” Calum mouthed, his expression slightly concerned at whatever he could see on Michael’s face. The older man pressed his lips together, managing a tight smile and the smallest nod of his head which was probably the best he could hope for right now.

Almost without meaning to, Calum twisted so that his lips could brush gently against Michael’s shoulder through the thin grey material of his sweatshirt. It made the older man’s breath catch in his throat.

“Michael?” Bryana was speaking and Michael jerked his head up in surprise, mumbling an apology as his cheeks flushed red at having accidentally ignored her. She gave him a soft smile. “I was just asking how your parents are?”

Michael paled, cringing when Lily looked up at him sadly. Georgie was still distracted by Luke’s phone but Bryana seemed to realise that she’d said something wrong when Calum’s hand slipped into Michael’s, their fingers gently entwining as Michael forced his voice not to tremble.

“I don’t know,” Michael said after a long moment. “I haven’t seen them since…”

“Oh,” Ashton said softly, looking slightly shell shocked, and Michael was incredibly grateful when the older man immediately changed the subject, going off on a tangent about his job at Hi Or Hey Records. It turned out he was a musical talent scout, tasked with finding new acts to sign to the record label.

Ashton grew more and more animated as he spoke, waving his large hands about as his eyes shone and Bryana looked on fondly.

“You kind of remind me of Feldy now,” Michael told Ashton quietly and the older man looked like he was trying not to glow with pride at that.

“You flatter me,” Ashton said but Calum looked up, his dark eyes teasing.

“Casey said the exact same thing the other week actually.”

Michael let out a soft sigh. “God, I miss Casey.” His eyes were soft as he remembered. “And the rest of them… Damn, it’s been so long.”

Things became gradually less awkward after that and, despite a few surprisingly barbed comments and thorny defensive words snapped back, Ashton’s eyes were _soft_ by the time Michael, Calum and the girls were ready to leave.

“Take care,” Ashton said hesitantly to Michael as Calum helped Lily and Georgie into the car. Ashton clapped Michael gently on the shoulder and the younger man smiled, leaning into the touch for just a moment.

“You too,” Michael said and Ashton’s lips twitched into a hesitant smile.

As Michael walked towards the car on numb legs, he was aware that this was a long, _long_ way from perfect but… but it was a start.

He hoped maybe it would be okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought <3


	10. Losing Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me both very happy and very sad to write, and I'm not entirely sure why.  
> I hope you'll all enjoy this though <3

**_If only you had seen what you know now then._ **

****

Seeing Ashton and Luke again after so long had thrown Michael.

He was unusually quiet for the rest of the day, silently nursing a cup of coffee as he sat at the kitchen table with glassy eyes. Georgie and Lily were lying sprawled on the living room carpet with colouring books and felt-tip pens which were fortunately washable – Michael had learnt _that_ lesson the hard way.

Calum had opted to stay for dinner although he’d popped home in the early afternoon to check on his puppies. Lily had accompanied him in the car – she loved Coco, Sugar and Liquorice almost as much as she loved _Georgie_ , Michael was pretty sure – and Michael had sat down to watch a film with Georgie while they waited.

He’d remained quiet though, distracted and uneasy without really understanding why, and Michael was sick of feeling like this. He couldn’t remember what it was like to feel completely relaxed and happy anymore.

Calum came back with Lily at half past four and Michael gave them a tired smile as he wriggled out from beneath Georgie, leaving the four year old lying snuggled on the sofa as he wandered into the kitchen to start dinner. Lily joined her sister on the sofa but Calum followed Michael, chocolate brown doe eyes concerned as he watched the older man’s retreating back.

“Mikey?” Calum asked quietly, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he watched the golden-haired man warily. “Sweetheart, what is it?”

“Nothing,” Michael promised and… and it felt like a lie but he didn’t know what was wrong. “Want to help me cook dinner?”

“Sure,” Calum said but he was still frowning faintly when Michael turned the radio on and found him some vegetables to chop up.

“Good,” the older man said but he still felt distracted. “We’re having chicken with ratatouille. The girls watched the film the other day so they’ll probably not complain too much. I want them to eat more vegetables.”

“That’s so cute,” Calum said, smiling at Michael with undisguised fondness. It made the older man’s heart flutter in his chest but he managed a weak smile back.

“So are you,” Michael said and Calum blushed the colour of the tomatoes Michael pushed towards him.

The older man grew quiet again during dinner, when his mind had time to wander as Lily and Georgie questioned Calum about what his puppies liked to eat. (Apparently ‘dog food’ wasn’t detailed enough for an inquisitive six year old who was pretending to be Sherlock Holmes).

The girls had had a long day and, by half seven, they were ready for baths and bed.

Again, Calum drove home briefly to pick up some clothes – by some unspoken decision, he was staying the night again – and Michael managed to hold it together until Georgie and Lily were asleep.

By the time Calum came back home with a bag of stuff and a _21 Jump Street_ DVD that he’d wondered if Michael wanted to watch with him, the older man was sitting on the floor in the living room. His back was pressed to the sofa and his knees were drawn up to his chest, and Michael’s arms were wrapped tightly around himself as the shudders racked through him.

“Michael?” Calum’s voice was tight and worried. Michael glanced towards him but all he could see were Calum’s socks and his skinny jeans. He sniffed, looking away as the tears building in his tired, emerald green eyes threatened. “Mike, what is it?”

Michael didn’t mean to start crying. It just sort of happened.

That seemed to be the story of Michael’s life though. No matter how good his intentions were, everything always got screwed up.

That was why he’d missed out on seeing his three best friends for a whole third of his life and –

Yeah… maybe Michael _did_ know what was wrong after all.

“Oh, Mikey,” Calum breathed and, when Michael chanced a glance up at the younger man through his tear-wet eyelashes, Calum looked like his heart was breaking. “Sweetheart, come here. Let me hold you.”

Michael seemed to almost _melt_ when Calum sat down on the floor beside him, opening his arms.

“Why am I still _like_ this?” Michael gasped out, tears soaking the front of Calum’s baseball shirt as the younger man stroked Michael’s back gently. He smelt different now, like coconut and mint. He must have showered before he came back and the thought had barely crossed Michael’s mind when he reached shakily to tangle his fingers in Calum’s hair. The younger man’s dark curls were still slightly damp which meant he’d rushed to get back to Michael, and that only made the older man cry harder.

“You’ve come so far, sweetheart,” Calum murmured, his lips brushing Michael’s forehead chastely as he held him closer. Michael turned his face into the sweet-smelling skin of Calum’s neck, clinging to him as his tears continued to fall and Calum pressed another kiss to his hair.

Michael was reminded of Ashton’s words from that morning and the younger man’s soft response which was still true even now.

‘ _What_ are _you two?_ ’

‘ _I don’t know._ ’

Michael’s sobs were softer now, ragged because he was so exhausted and… and the tears were still falling and he couldn’t even work out what was _hurting_ now. Michael thought they might be tears of relief… of bitterness… of fucking _love_ that – even now – still congealed in his veins and refused to leave.

“I missed them,” Michael forced out and his voice managed not to shake but his chest was tight with pain. “So much it hurt.”

“God, I shouldn’t have brought you there,” Calum whispered and he looked mortified. Michael sniffed hard, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and managing possibly the faintest watery smile he’d ever summoned.

“I’m glad you did.”

Calum relaxed infinitesimally but he still looked upset, like the knowledge that Michael was in pieces tore _him_ apart. Michael wondered how much it would hurt the younger man if he realised the only reason Michael was trying to hold himself together was for his daughters and Calum.

“It’ll be alright in the end,” Calum promised but Michael couldn’t really find it in himself to believe him and it must have shown on his face because the dark-haired man drew back a little, cupping Michael’s face gently so that he could see him better.

“Do you trust me?” Calum asked and Michael bit his cherry-red lip for a moment before nodding. The younger man relaxed fractionally.

“Good,” Calum said, pausing to press a gentle kiss to Michael’s forehead. “Then believe me when I say this: It _will_ get better.”

When Calum gently laced his fingers with Michael’s, the older man refused to let go.

 

**_Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?_ **

 

It was strange seeing Luke Hemmings in the living room.

Luke had been texting Michael for a couple of weeks now, just random thoughts or things he’d remembered from back when they were at school or on tour. It was surprisingly painless because Luke still had that air about him that made everything shine brighter, _childlike_ almost.

Michael wished he’d kept that quality but it was long since gone, drowned in alcohol and burnt out with things Michael would rather not think about.

Calum was at work and he was meeting Mali after dinner so Michael wouldn’t be seeing him today, and it felt kind of _weird_ to realise that it would be the first day in almost two weeks that he hadn’t seen the younger man.

Michael was very glad when Luke texted to ask if he could come round and, although Michael agreed, he was a little apprehensive. The house was a bit of a mess and Lily was moping in the kitchen because of school, scribbling colours all over sheets of paper with a frown on her face. Georgie was sulking in their bedroom because Michael hadn’t let her eat more than two cookies out of the tin.

So a normal day essentially.

Luke arrived on time, ringing the doorbell and humming to himself as Michael went to let him in.

“Sorry, I’m still tidying up,” Michael said when Luke followed him into the hallway, taking his shoes off without being asked and pulling the older man into a hug. Michael stiffened but he relaxed into it after a moment, giving Luke a comforting squeeze as he drew away.

“Georgie left toys all over the floor and I only noticed them when the doorbell rang,” Michael said and Luke grinned, biting at his lip-ring like he used to do when he was nervous. It made something calm inside Michael.

“That’s cool,” Luke said with a little shrug. “I’ll help.”

He was very focused as he helped Michael tidy, gathering the dolls and their outfits up to store in the crate in the corner of the room. Michael didn’t know why he was trying quite honestly – the girls would only get them out again later. Honestly, he was fighting a losing battle.

“I like your house, Mikey,” Luke said when they were done, looking through the archway that separated the shadowy living room and the brightly lit kitchen. “It’s nice. It sort of suits you I think.”

“It’s full of Barbie dolls,” Michael pointed out and Luke sniggered, the sound taking Michael back ten years… to a different life almost.

“That’s what I said,” Luke grinned before his smile faded a little bit.

“What’s up, Lukey?” Michael asked without thinking but the old nickname made the blond man relax further.

“You’ve seen a newspaper recently I’m presuming?” he asked dryly but Michael could see in Luke’s soft blue eyes that he was hurting. He nodded silently and Luke bit his bottom lip hard. “I stupidly assumed all those months ago that coming out in this day and age wouldn’t be that big of a deal anymore but apparently I was wrong.”

“They’re still going on about it?” Michael asked quietly and Luke gave him a thin, humourless smile.

“Maybe they’ve having a light news year.” Luke was clearly aiming for a joke but it fell flat and the light in his soft eyes threatened to flicker out.

“I’m really sorry they’re being so awful to you,” Michael said but his emerald green eyes must have shown the hurt _he_ was feeling too because Luke looked upset.

“They were worse to you,” he said flatly but his eyes were strangely soft. “A _lot_ worse. I hated them so much for that.”

“Lukey, it doesn’t –” Michael began weakly but Luke’s eyes flamed blue fire as he pulled Michael into a tight hug.

“ _Never_ say it doesn’t matter, Mikey,” Luke said sharply but he was warm as he cuddled the older man tighter. “We almost lost you forever. That matters more than _anything_ to me.”

“Oh, Luke,” Michael breathed but his eyes were growing wet again and he didn’t want to cry now.

“You’ve just got to stay strong, Mikey,” Luke said quietly. “Do it for your girls. For us. For _Cal_.”

Michael’s cheeks flushed red.

“Why’d you say that?” he mumbled and the look Luke gave him told Michael that he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Mike,” Luke said and it made Michael’s heart flutter in his chest when he thought about Calum’s dark, chocolate brown eyes, framed with lashes and crinkling as he smiled, drinking Michael in. “I’ve seen the way you look at _him_.”

“You’re still a little shit,” Michael mumbled but Luke smiled at that, like all that had been missing was Michael teasing him like he used to. The older man sighed with relief, wiping his eyes subtly with his sleeve. “I’m so happy we’re talking again, Lukey,” Michael said quietly. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Luke said but he was kind of smiling again now, his soft blond hair floppy on his forehead as his lips tugged up crookedly. “We missed you too though. A lot.” Luke grinned suddenly. “Ashton did. He never shut up about you.”

Michael’s heart felt like it was thawing in his chest and Luke smiled softly, gently tugging at a strand of Michael’s golden hair.

“You suit blond,” he said with a stupid wink that made Michael laugh. “My hair got darker as I got older but you’ve still got angel hair. I’m so jealous.”

“ _Angel hair_ ,” Michael repeated, scoffing as he rolled his emerald green eyes at Luke. “You’re still an idiot.” His smile was soft though, fond. “C’mon. I’ll make you a coffee. You still take it white with two sugars?”

Luke put his hand over his heart dramatically.

“You remembered,” he teased, giggling into his hands.

Michael rolled his eyes again as he led Luke into the kitchen.

“No one could forget you, Luke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you thought :)


	11. Sparks Exploding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually loved writing this chapter.  
> And there's barely any angst which, let's face it, is pretty unusual for this story!  
> I hope you'll enjoy this <3

**_When everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you._ **

 

Michael was presenting at an event on Monday morning with work which meant he had to be on the train out of Sydney by eight in the morning. The childminder was busy too but Michael’s anxiety had barely had time to flare up when Calum texted to let Michael know he could take Georgie and Lily to school instead.

“It’s really no problem,” Calum said honestly when Michael began to worry about it on the phone. “I was going to work from home anyway so it’s not a big deal. Plus, they’re absolutely adorable. It’s really not a big deal, Mike.”

“It is to me,” Michael said over the line but his voice was soft with something that _might_ have been fondness.

Calum could feel the soft smile lingering on his face even when Michael finally unwillingly hung up the phone and Calum was glad of his decision when Michael gave him a grateful hug on Monday morning when Calum showed up.

“I _promise_ it’s fine,” Calum said but he returned the hug warmly, giving Michael a gentle squeeze when the smaller man clung to him for a moment. “How’re you feeling about this presentation though? Not too nervous?”

Michael slumped a little bit, presumably at how well Calum knew him.

“Only a tiny bit,” Michael mumbled, cheeks flaming. Calum kissed his forehead.

“You used to play shows in front of thousands of people, sweetheart,” the dark-haired man said on a whim as Michael looked up at him with his wide green eyes. “You’ve got this covered.”

Michael looked taller as he headed out of the door and Calum was deeply relieved. He was in a good mood – calm and cheerful since he’d slept well the night before – and Georgie and Lily seemed to pick up on it because they looked relaxed too.

Georgie only got a tiny bit tearful at the prospect of Michael leaving early and changing their routine but Calum held their hands and they seemed happy enough to show him the way to school, pointing out exciting things like passing puppies and airplanes flying overhead.

Georgie was chattering away – mostly to herself, Calum was fairly certain – but, as they got nearer the primary school, Lily became quieter and quieter, fiddling nervously with a strand of her soft blonde hair and biting her lip.

“Are you okay, princess Lily?” Calum asked quietly and she gave him the sort of sad smile that Calum hated to see on a six year old’s face.

“I don’t like school,” she said and Calum remembered what Michael had told him about the bullying. Georgie looked up at them, squinting a little bit because the rising sun had just cleared the roofs of the houses on the other side of the street and it was getting in her eyes.

“There’re nasty people there,” Georgie said solemnly, reaching over to pat Lily gently on the wrist. “They push her over and pull her hair sometimes. They’re mean to her.”

“That’s horrible,” Calum said before he could stop himself, eyes faintly pained as he gave Lily’s hand a gentle squeeze where she was clinging to him tightly.

“Y’know,” the dark-haired man began after a moment, shrugging half-heartedly as they waited to cross the road. “I got bullied at school too, because I was so quiet.”

“Really?” Lily whispered, emerald green eyes wide in her pale face as she gazed up at him.

“Yep,” Calum said, leading them carefully across the road when the traffic lights changed. “And the best advice my mum ever gave me was that I should try to listen to what the bullies were saying without getting angry or upset.”

“Why?” Georgie asked, pouting faintly like the very idea was unreasonable. Calum gave them both a weak smile.

“Because it’s important,” Calum said. “You have to remember that this isn’t your fault. Pretend to be brave even if you don’t feel it, like your daddy does sometimes.”

“But how do I do that?” Lily murmured, looking lost, and Calum smiled gently at her, struck with a sudden idea.

“Princess Georgie, do you want to help your big sister?” he asked in as light a tone as he could. They were nearing the school now – there were children and their parents milling around everywhere – and Calum tightened his gentle grip on their hands.

“Of course,” Georgie said, faintly offended that the dark-haired man had questioned her.

“Okay, give me your best sad face. Lily, you try it too,” Calum said, pulling one of his own. It was very over-exaggerated but Georgie’s was probably the funniest. She jutted her bottom lip out and wailed dramatically. Lily started giggling into her hands.

“Very good,” Calum smiled, dimples appearing in his cheeks. “Okay, try your best happy face.”

Georgie smiled at him cheekily, little nose scrunched up and emerald green eyes sparkling with mischief beneath her mop of curly hair. Lily’s smile was more timid but she was trying so hard and Calum’s heart ached in his chest at the thought of someone trying to hurt her.

“Now give me your best brave face,” Calum said and that one seemed harder but she did it, soft eyes blazing with determination, jaw squared as the wind tousled her long blonde hair around her shoulders.

“That’s the face I want you to wear when the bullies are there,” Calum said. “You have to be brave.”

Lily stood up to the bullies that day.

When Michael heard, he was _so_ proud.

 

**_Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?_ **

 

Michael asked Calum to stay for dinner the next evening.

He made carbonara with bacon and three different types of cheeses, and it was probably one of the nicest things he’d ever managed to successfully cook.

“This is so amazing,” Calum said, full mouth covered by his hand as he looked at Michael appreciatively. “I swear I want to marry this.”

“You… you want to marry a plate of spaghetti?” Michael asked and Calum looked him dead in the eyes, nodding solemnly before his lips twitched and he started laughing.

“You’re so weird. I can’t believe I trust you to look after my daughters,” Michael teased before his eyes softened, reaching out to let his palm rest gently atop the back of Calum’s tanned hand. “Lily came home from school happy today,” he said quietly and Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were gentle as he listened. “And I don’t know how you did it, Cal, but thank you. Thank you so much.”

“It’s the least I can do, Mikey,” Calum murmured, food forgotten now in the face of Michael’s gratitude. “They’re lovely girls… as lovely as their father. I just want you all to be happy.”

“We’re getting there,” Michael said and his smile touched his eyes, lighting them up like sparks exploding into fireworks.

They could hear the soft murmur of the television in the other room where Lily was watching _Brave_ but Georgie came trotting out into the kitchen at that moment, already in her pyjamas after her bath. Her mousy brown hair had dried in ringlets and she was clutching a drawing in one tiny hand.

“What’s that, princess?” Michael asked, lifting her to sit on his knee when she came to a stop, reaching for him with one thumb jammed firmly in her mouth.

“Did it at school,” she said, curling up on Michael’s lap like a little cat and settling the drawing on the table between their dinner plates. She smelt clean, like soap and talcum powder, and the gentle sound of her sucking her thumb reminded Michael of when she and Lily had been babies.

“Did your teacher ask you to draw it?” Calum asked, picking the picture up to get a closer look.

“Uh huh,” Georgie agreed sleepily, emerald green eyes drooping as her eyelashes fanned out on her rosy cheeks. “We had to draw _love_.”

Michael’s face fell and he felt the sadness unfurling icily inside him because it reminded him of his ex-wife and he _hated_ that maybe Georgie had got upset at school because she didn’t see her mother anymore.

When Michael looked down at her – and away from the reflected sadness in Calum’s eyes when he saw the pain on the older man’s face – Michael was shocked to discover that Georgie was smiling at him drowsily.

“I drew how Cally looks at you, daddy,” the four year old said softly as her eyes finally fluttered shut. Michael’s heart jolted painfully in his chest as he jerked his head up to look at Calum because… because how could _she_ see it and he couldn’t?

Calum had gone very red in the face now and he seemed to be finding it hard to hold Michael’s gaze.

“I’m gonna make sure Lily’s okay,” Calum said, disappearing through the archway towards the living room but, as the younger man slipped through the door, Michael could swear he saw Calum smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought!  
> This is my last day in my current job so if updates take a tiny bit longer now, that's the reason - I'm not going to stop writing, I promise <3  
> Thank you for reading and please leave comments because I love hearing what you all thought :)


	12. Falling In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the wait - things are really hard right now and I've just started a new job and I'm just being pretty shit but I hope this is okay. I'm sorry it's not longer but it's quite fluffy kind of so hopefully you'll like it <3

**_Before the monsters caught up to you?_ **

 

Even on Michael’s bad days - when everything felt suffocating and his blood pounded too fast in his veins - all it took was a simple smile from Calum to make the pressure in his chest ease.

They were growing so close now and Michael had never felt this way before, not even when he was with _Hannah_ and… and the fact that _Calum_ could evoke these feeling within him made Michael feel curiously _calm_ almost… which was possibly the scariest part of it all.

Michael couldn’t help it though because Calum’s palms were soft when they fell to settle over Michael’s hands comfortingly and his sparkling chocolate brown eyes crinkled when he smiled, making his dimples show on his cheeks.

Calum invited Michael and his girls round on Friday nights when Mali turned up with italian food, and they watched films and sang karaoke, and Calum made Michael feel whole again.

This Friday in particular was sweet. Mali was trying - and largely failing - to teach Calum and Michael to French plait hair. Georgie had outright refused to be a test subject, covering her mousy curls with her tiny hands protectively, but Lily was slightly braver than her little sister, gritting her teeth and bearing it as Michael did his best not to accidentally scalp her. The plaits probably could have been _worse_ and Calum looked faintly impressed but Michael thought he’d probably stick to ponytails and bunches instead.

“Not bad,” Mali grinned, sitting cross-legged on the carpet behind Lily as she began to add little beads and ribbon to the braids. The three puppies were cuddled up with Georgie on the beanbag she was lounging on and Michael’s smile was fond as he straightened up, dropping down onto the sofa beside Calum.

“You should do Cally’s hair, daddy,” Georgie announced and Michael grinned when Calum rolled his eyes good-naturedly, turning so that Michael could reach if he wanted to. “Make him look pretty.”

“He’s already pretty,” Michael mumbled but his cheeks were flaming when he swiped a spare ribbon from Mali’s collection. Calum’s curls were dark and soft against the older man’s fingers when Michael began to tie the ribbon around a lock of Calum’s hair, his teeth worrying at his full bottom lip when it became fiddly.

Calum hummed contentedly, leaning back against Michael as the girls laughed at them.

Mali’s smile was knowing as she watched Michael and Calum fooling around like they used to when they were just Georgie and Lily’s age.

Calum giggled when the ribbon began to slip out of his hair, making Michael pout as he hurried to fix it, and the younger man’s chocolate brown eyes were shining as Michael took in his sparkling gaze and the way his soft pink lips were tugging up into a big smile.

When Michael felt butterflies fluttering in his stomach, he knew he was falling in love.

 

**_It's alright, just wait and see._ **

 

Michael began planning Georgie’s fifth birthday party a few days later and he was grateful for Calum’s help. Georgie didn’t have too many people she wanted to come - only a few kids from school and the childminder, as well as Mali, Luke, Bryana and Ashton - and it was really cute watching how excited the four year old got as she sat up at the table with them, eating a soft-boiled egg and soldiers distractedly as Calum kindly offered to make a list of who she wanted to invite.

Lily was drawing in the other room, tucked up beneath a faded quilt as she drew a vase of flowers for her little sister’s birthday. She had a jumbo pack of crayons resting on the cushion next to her and Michael had popped in just now to make sure she was okay, only to find her colouring in so intently that she barely even reacted when he dropped a kiss onto her soft hair.

Calum was being practical now, noting down what snacks and drinks they might need to purchase from the supermarket before the party, and Michael found his sleepy eyes wandering around the room as Georgie piped up occasionally, begging for party rings and chocolate fingers with honeycomb in them.

Calum’s leather jacket was hanging on the hook in the hallway and a spare pair of his trainers rested by the doormat. His scarf was draped over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and a folder containing notes he’d taken in a meeting at work rested on the countertop. His phone charger was resting on the bookshelf in the living room and, tucked down beside the sofa, Calum had a rucksack stowed away containing a wash bag and some clean clothes, just in case he stayed over unexpectedly.

There were so many of Calum’s things here now because he spent so much time there with them and it made Michael’s heart feel swollen in his chest almost, made his cheeks flush with blood as Georgie finished her food and scrambled down from the table, wandering off to see Lily as she left the pair alone.

Calum’s eyes were soft, his dark hair ruffled where he’d tugged his fingers through it absently as he smiled at Michael, his hand settling over the older man’s again, almost like he was moving unconsciously.

Michael looked faintly dazed and Calum swallowed audibly, his dark eyes falling to Michael’s lips as the older man wet them unconsciously with a small dart of his tongue and… and Calum should stop staring probably, only Michael was moving closer and Calum’s eyes sort of wanted to slide shut and Michael’s hand was turning so that their fingers were laced and their mouths were _so_ close -

And then Georgie and Lily’s raised voices could be heard from the living room, and Michael drew back with a shaky exhale, his emerald green eyes pressed tightly shut like he couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened.

Calum’s heart was pounding in his chest when Michael rose shakily, finally letting his eyes open as he looked towards the living room where his daughters were.

“I’ll get it,” Michael said softly, squeezing Calum’s broad shoulder gently as he passed him and… and it felt kind of how a couple _should_ be, only Michael didn’t realise until he was halfway out of the room.

He left Calum sitting at the kitchen table in silence, cradling his cooling mug of coffee in the kitchen as he tried hard not to think about how maybe _he_ was in love with Michael too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading :)  
> Please let me know what you thought with comments and kudos <3


	13. Fragile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, really sorry it's taken me a little while to update!  
> My new job is crazy busy and then I was in a car crash yesterday so I was in hospital for pretty much most of the night so I couldn't update then and... now I had to take the day off from work so I can finally write for you guys!  
> I hope this is okay and again, sorry for the wait. <3

**_Your string of lights is still bright to me._ **

 

Michael felt so useless.

He was in the carpark at work, trembling hands tearing through his hair, chest heaving. He’d been anxious all day but the meeting after lunch had just about finished him off and Michael’s boss had told him to go home early, clearly able to see the panic attack that was very much looming on the horizon.

Michael had got about as far as unlocking his car and opening the door but that was it. He was sitting sideways on the seat now, feet resting on the tarmac outside as he buried his face in his hands and tried to calm his breathing by counting. It wasn’t working and he felt the panic flare inside him like petrol encountering a spark.

Frightened, Michael dug his mobile phone from the pocket of his suit jacket and shakily texted Calum. There were probably a lot of spelling mistakes in the message but Michael didn’t much care because the message was clear.

He needed Calum - needed him _now_.

The message had barely been sent when Michael’s phone began to chime with an incoming call and the golden-haired man felt _small_ as he hit the answer button.

“Mikey? Are you alright? What’s going on?” Calum asked immediately, his voice soothing but slightly frantic-sounding beneath his façade of calm. Michael exhaled shakily.

“I… I need you to… come get me please…” He sounded tiny and lost, and the hurt sound that escaped Calum only made Michael fall for him harder.

“Of course I can. You’re still at work?” Calum asked gently and Michael mumbled his assent. “That’s okay. I’ll be there in ten minutes, Mikey. The girls are still with Mali so it’s no problem. Sit tight, sweetheart. I’ll be there.”

"Be safe," Michael mumbled.

He put his head in his hands again when the call ended but he felt marginally calmer now as he sat there beneath the vast grey sky. The carpark was large and sprawling, separated from the main road and the shops across the street by a barrier that was open at the moment. It wasn’t raining but the clouds churning overhead hinted at it, a stormy grey that was only darkening as the wind began to pick up. It would be night-time soon.

Michael was so cold.

When Calum’s now-familiar car pulled off the road and the dark-haired man carefully maneuvered it into a space nearby, Michael felt the icy chains wrapped tight around his heart loosening slightly and he found he could breathe more easily although he was still definitely shaking way too hard to drive.

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were soft as he climbed out of the car.

“Mikey,” the younger man murmured when Michael looked up at him with tear-streaked cheeks. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. You can leave your car here overnight. I’m here now. I’ll look after you. I promise.”

“I know,” Michael said as he rose on trembling legs but the tears were still threatening to roll and he just felt so fucking stupid for doing this… for scaring Calum again.

“Sweetheart, come here,” the dark-haired man pleaded, like the pain he could see on Michael’s face hurt _him_ too.

Calum’s arms wrapped warmly around Michael’s shoulders when the smaller man crashed into him and Calum held him close, rocking Michael gently as his big arms kept him safe against the night. Calum’s lips were brushing the top of Michael’s head and the older man looked up at him with his emerald-green eyes reflecting the streetlights beginning to blink on around them and, suddenly, they were kissing.

Calum’s full lips were soft against Michael’s, clumsy but so gentle in his eagerness to push all of the love he couldn’t yet say into Michael’s mouth.

The smaller man went limp against him, pale hands rising to grasp desperately at his shoulders as Calum’s hands fell to settle comfortingly on Michael’s waist, holding him closer.

It felt like Calum was the oxygen Michael needed so badly to breathe and _jesus_ , they should have done this years ago.

When they broke hesitantly apart a few moments later, Calum looked dazed and his cheeks were flushed with blood. Michael’s head was spinning as he let his cheek rest against the taller man’s chest, his trembling hand fisting the material of Calum’s sweatshirt as Michael gazed up at his oldest best friend with wide eyes.

“I’ve wanted this… for so long…” Calum whispered and the tears that had been welling up in Michael’s eyes began to flow freely because they’d wasted so much _time_.

There was nothing they could change about that though.

All they could do was start now.

“So have I, darling,” Michael whispered, still looking stunned even as a tiny smile twisted his lips. Calum looked _soft_ standing there with his messy curls and wind-reddened cheeks, his posture still sloped with shyness even now, like he was trying to hide despite how tall he was.

Something in Michael’s chest felt like it was melting and, cupping Calum’s face gently with his trembling hands, Michael kissed him again, covering his mouth with his own.

The night grew darker and colder but Michael didn’t care.

With Calum, Michael didn’t have to hurt anymore.

 

**_Oh, who you are is not what you've been._ **

 

Michael felt different over the coming weeks, more _mortal_ maybe… like finally trying to make it work with Calum had shown him just how fragile and fleeting life really was.

Maybe it was because of this that Michael didn’t react so negatively when Calum finally brought up the topic of Michael’s parents.

“I was talking to Lily earlier,” Calum said carefully as the pair of them sat together one evening. The puppies were currently exploring Michael’s living room and the girls were in bed. Calum hadn’t slept in his own house in almost a week. “She was asking me about my mum and dad… if she could say they were her grandparents or not… and it got me thinking… well… why don’t you try talking to _your_ parents again? They’re still in Sydney, right?”

Calum’s voice trailed away faintly but he sounded so fond that it made Michael’s worried expression soften a little as he sat beside Calum on the sofa, mug of tea cradled between his hands as his head rested on the younger man’s shoulder.

“Lil’s a strange little thing,” Michael said wearily but his love shone on his face just the same. “So’s George for that matter. I swear they _know_ about us… even though we haven’t told them yet.”

“They’re clever,” Calum said with a shrug. “And I feel like you’re avoiding my question.”

Michael blushed but he seemed to be too tired to get defensive like he maybe would have sometimes.

“My parents haven’t spoken to me in ten years, Calum,” Michael said and he sounded lost for a moment. Calum’s hand slipped up to cup his cheek gently but his eyes were knowing as he watched the older man carefully.

“When was the last time you spoke to _them_?” Calum countered and… yeah… Michael was willing to concede that he had a point.

The realisation ate away at him for the next week and a half before, finally, Michael gave in, texting Calum that he was going to be late home from work because he was going to see them first. Calum’s reply was very subdued but Michael knew the dark-haired man well enough to be able to tell that Calum was pleased for him… pleased but apprehensive… because neither of them _really_ knew how Karen and Daryl were going to react.

Michael drove to his old house and the nostalgia almost choked him as he parked on the street he’d grown up in.

He could tell his parents still lived there by the curtains hanging in the windows, the vase resting on the table, the familiar shawl draped over the armchairs, the flowers growing in the clay pot Michael had made at school… It was still resting on their front porch and it made a lump rise in Michael’s throat as he got out of the car, locking it behind him and fighting to take a deep, calming breath before he walked slowly up the driveway, extended hand trembling slightly as he knocked on the front door.

He saw movement through the frosted glass, heard a low voice inside that sounded like his dad and then -

His parents.

God, his _parents_.

Michael had missed them. So, _so_ much. He _still_ missed them.

They were both standing there in the open doorway, frozen as they stared at Michael and he gazed back at them evenly, same emerald green eyes as his mother, same flyaway hair as his father.

Michael almost couldn’t breathe past the lump in his throat now.

“Hey,” he murmured weakly, raising his hand in this awkward little wave that Luke probably would have laughed at him for and Karen was still staring in shock and Daryl’s eyes were swimming with tears now and _fuck_ , maybe Michael had got this wrong -

They pulled him into a crushing hug, Daryl’s arms wrapped tight around him and his wife, Karen’s face buried in her only son’s neck as she cried and Michael’s sobs felt like they were trying to tear him apart now except… except his parents were holding him close, like they never _ever_ wanted to let him go, and it turned out Calum had been right about Karen and Daryl.

They still loved their son just as much as they always had.

Michael didn’t feel so broken after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!  
> Please please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos as it really does mean the world <3


	14. Staying Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things happened...  
> I hope you guys will enjoy this! :)  
> Sorry it took a little while but I wanted to get this update right <3

**_You're still an innocent._ **

****

When the doorbell rang one night and Michael opened the door to reveal a rain-wet Jack Barakat standing on the doorstep, it felt like a weight had been lifted from the thirty two year old’s shoulders.

He’d kind of been expecting it to be honest. Jack had been tweeting a lot of mysterious things about meeting up with old friends and Calum had been smiling suspiciously all day long although he’d refused to say why.

Michael’s face lit up when he saw Jack standing there in the downpour, messy brown hair sticking to his forehead, the collar of his coat turned up against the wind.

“Hey, bro. You got more handsome,” Jack said with a cheesy grin. Michael’s laugh sounded a lot like a sob as he threw his arms around the older man’s shoulders.

“Fuck, I missed you, man,” Michael whispered and Jack’s muscled arms tightened around him in the leather jacket he was wearing as Calum called out a greeting from the living room.

“I missed you too,” Jack said solemnly but his dark eyes still twinkled like they used to. “Where are your baby children? I wanna meet them.”

“Dude, it’s like half ten. They’re in bed!”

“Ah shit,” Jack mumbled, looking momentarily crestfallen. “I wanted to meet them.”

“I’m sure you can meet Jack and Barakat soon,” Michael teased as he remembered the phone call and Jack’s dark eyes glittered as he snorted with laughter. “Now c’mon!” Michael urged and the exhaustion of the day had fallen from him like water now. “Come in and see Cal!”

Calum was sitting on the sofa in his pyjamas when they walked in, huddled up under a blanket with his legs crossed and a container of cold Chinese takeaway food balanced precariously on his lap. Jack laughed when he saw him – a bright sound that threatened to wake his two namesakes upstairs – but Michael’s emerald green eyes were fond as he sank down onto the sofa beside Calum, arm slung casually over the younger man’s shoulders as Jack sprawled into the armchair across from them.

“You two look like an old married couple,” Jack drawled as he watched Calum peck Michael chastely on the cheek before eating another dumpling.

“Hopefully not like _my_ marriage though,” Michael said but it wasn’t even awkward because Jack was grinning and Calum was soft as he sat tucked beneath Michael’s arm, head resting on the older man’s shoulder as he ate. Calum looked up at him and Michael stuck his tongue out in response, and when Calum tried to giggle but only succeeded in inhaling a noodle, Michael realised they really hadn’t changed that much after all.

When Jack jumped up to thump Calum on the back so that he’d stop choking and Calum started laughing like a dying sea lion, Michael became sure of it.

“You’re such an idiot,” the golden-haired man said but he sounded breathless because he was laughing so much and _jesus_ , Michael missed feeling this carefree. He craved it.

If things had still been the same as they were before, Michael would have suggested a drink now and, in truth, there was a not-insignificant part of him that would _still_ have loved to do that but Michael couldn’t because he had work in the morning and his girls were sleeping upstairs, and the days of staying up all night long and getting wasted with Calum and Jack were in the past… and maybe that was a good thing.

Maybe staying clean was better.

“Can I get you a drink, man?” Michael asked Jack when Calum – still breathless from choking – picked up his glass of apple squash from the floor and tried to stop giggling wheezily long enough to take a sip.

Jack looked at Calum’s drink with his dark eyes and, when he offered Michael a dry smile as he looked up, the younger man was reminded again that Jack was a lot smarter than most people gave him credit for.

“Sure, bro. I’ll have one of those please. Urine or whatever it is. I’m staying sober this weekend.”

Michael tried to roll his eyes at Jack’s silly comment but his expression softened as he got to his feet.

“It’s apple squash, you dick… but I think we can manage that for you.”

Calum rewarded Jack with a grateful smile when he thought Michael couldn’t see and the golden-haired man just appreciated it a lot.

He really loved his friends.

He just missed not being so close with Luke and Ashton anymore but… but that was okay.

Maybe there was still time to fix this.

 

**_It's okay, life is a tough crowd._ **

 

Calum stayed over on Sunday night as he was liable to do and the gentle kiss he bestowed on Michael eased the slight nerves that had been plaguing the older man as they snuggled down in bed. It was hard to believe that they’d only kissed for the first time a few days ago because it kind of felt like they’d been this way their whole lives now… felt like Michael had found exactly where he was supposed to be.

By the time they woke up early on Monday morning, Michael felt deeply content. He was lying against Calum’s chest, their legs tangled beneath the duvet, Calum’s hands resting comfortingly on Michael’s soft stomach as his full lips pressed sleepy kisses to the smooth skin of the older man’s shoulder.

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were clouded with sleep and his dark curls stuck up in all directions as he smiled drowsily at Michael, tanned skin warm and delicate when Michael ran his fingertips idly down Calum’s tattooed forearm.

Michael had never loved Calum more than he did in that moment.

“Let’s get up,” the younger man said softly, kissing Michael on the nose. “We have work and you need to feed Jack and Barakat.”

“Stop calling them that,” Michael said grumpily but his lips were twitching into an unwilling smile against his better judgement. “It’s bad enough when _Jack_ called them that. Don’t you start too.”

Calum laughed as he climbed unwillingly from the bed, wandering over to the wardrobe to find something to wear. It didn’t even surprise Michael that half of the wardrobe had become Calum’s now. It had just sort of happened.

“You don’t have to worry, Mike,” Calum grinned as he started to button a navy blue shirt up. Michael lay in bed watching him, duvet pooling around his waist as his tired green eyes traced Calum's bare chest unashamedly. Calum grinned. “I know they only respond to princess Lily and Georgie. It’s all good.”

“It’s all good,” Michael echoed, voice soft.

Unfortunately, everything turned out _not_ to be all that good at breakfast time.

It started out well enough. Georgie sat in her chair without wriggling and sleepily ate some porridge, and Calum made him and Michael toast while the older man helped Lily get dressed upstairs.

When Lily finally decided she was ready, Michael started down the stairs ahead of her but he’d only just reached the kitchen door when she said something that made his heart shudder to a halt in his chest.

“Daddy?” Her voice was soft and surprised but her eyes were cautious when Michael turned to look at her slowly. She'd picked the newspaper up from the floor. “Why are you and Cally on the front page?”

Calum’s voice in the other room faltered and then he appeared in the doorway, face tight with anxiety as he bit down hard on his bottom lip. Lily pressed back against the door, eyes wide like she was afraid she’d done something wrong.

“It’s okay, Lil,” Michael whispered but he felt shell-shocked as Calum took the newspaper from her gently. “Go and sit with Georgie please, okay? Just… please.”

Lily hurried into the kitchen and the door shut behind her. It was darker in the hallway, grey light filtering in through the frosted glass and the open doorway to the living room. Michael leant back heavily against the wall.

“Must’ve been a light news day to put _this_ on the front,” Calum tried to joke weakly but his eyes were wide as he looked at the newspaper. Michael was _shaking_ when he reached for it, his mouth falling open as a tiny hurt sound escaped him when he looked at the front page.

It was a picture of Michael and Calum kissing that day in the carpark.

Michael’s heart felt heavy in his chest and suddenly it became difficult to breathe.

He couldn’t stand this, couldn’t stand that phrases like ‘ _self-harm_ ’ and ‘ _drug overdose_ ’ were leaping out of the text at him as his glassy eyes scanned the article beneath the picture. Michael hated that one day his daughters would be old enough to understand what that meant but he hated himself even more because _fuck_ , he was messed up.

The newspaper slithered through Michael’s limp fingers and fell down onto the floor in a rustle of paper as the sheets fanned out on the ground, exposed and torn apart... just like him.

“Mikey?” Calum’s voice was gentle and careful, his fingers soft as they wrapped gently around Michael’s scarred wrist, urging him closer. “Sweetheart, please… say something.”

Michael’s words withered in his throat.

He was so screwed up and… and he was probably going to end up screwing _them_ up too – Lily and Georgie and Calum… his family…

Michael was going to screw them up, just like he’d _already_ done to Calum, and to Luke and Ashton… to Ashton who still barely fucking _spoke_ to him except… except Michael couldn’t even _blame_ him because he’d hurt them all so much after he’d almost died and –

God, god, _god_.

Michael could barely breathe anymore.

His roaring thoughts refused to calm and Michael was shaking as he leant back heavily against the wall again, and his head was kind of spinning now but his trembling hands had somehow found their way onto Calum’s shoulders, and Michael was clinging to him so tightly now, like he was terrified of letting go.

Calum seemed to take great pleasure in stamping on the newspaper as he stepped closer, his own hands rising shakily to cup Michael’s cheeks.

The older man’s emerald green eyes were wide with panic but there was fear in there too… humiliation and pain… self-loathing.

Calum’s full lips were soft as he pressed a brief kiss to Michael’s mouth but it had the desired effect. Michael’s breath left him in a soft gasp and his hands tightened reflexively on Calum’s shoulders as he kissed him back, harder and desperate as his fingers rose to tangle in Calum’s dark curls.

Michael was crying a little bit and Calum broke the kiss, thumbing away the tears before he let his forehead fall to rest hesitantly on Michael’s shoulder, his lips brushing the overheated skin of Michael’s neck gently.

Michael’s arms wrapped around Calum’s waist automatically and he held him there, breathing in the comforting smell of his boyfriend as he struggled to calm his breathing.

“Everything’s going to be alright, sweetheart,” Calum promised quietly as the pair of them stood in the dark hallway together.

Michael’s raw nerves calmed.

He still trusted Calum.

Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!  
> I loved writing Jack but I was worried it seemed out of character so fingers crossed that was okay!  
> Please let me know what you thought :)  
> Thank you! <3


	15. Lost Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really loved writing this update and I don't even know why.  
> I hope you guys will enjoy this!

**_Thirty two, and still growin' up now._ **

****

Michael was so anxious to go to work after the front page of the newspaper that morning but his colleagues were surprisingly nice about it, despite every grimy little fact of Michael’s teenage years being detailed in the article for them to read.

“Morning, Mr Clifford,” the security guard said, same as always, when Michael entered the building. His eyes were fractionally softer than usual and a screwed-up newspaper lay curled on his desk. The frantic pounding of Michael's heart slowed a little as he managed to reply.

The lift doors slid shut when Michael entered and he exhaled shakily.

“Hope you had a good weekend, Mike,” Mahir said when Michael left the lift at his usual floor. His breathing felt less ragged and the thirty two year old managed a weak smile when the business analyst he sometimes collaborated with offered him an understanding smile. “Guess this morning could have gone better, right?”

Maybe Michael’s anxiety still showed on his face but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Mahir had a news website open on his computer and Michael was trying to ignore the title of one of the articles showing on the side.

“Spot on,” he said breathlessly and Mahir smiled gently at him.

“My wife and I saw the paper this morning, Mike, and she was very angry on your behalf, as am I. The press are vultures,” he said calmly, like he was commenting on the weather. “There’ll be a riveting story about a dog that can walk on its hind legs again soon, Mike. Then they’ll forget.”

Michael gave Mahir’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he passed him, his gratitude clear on his face even as he struggled to swallow past the lump in his throat.

Mahir seemed to understand.

“Morning, Mike,” a familiar voice said as Michael sat down at his desk, ducking his head while he waited for the computer to turn on so that he could avoid the curious gazes of his colleagues as they looked at him from across the open plan office.

Michael’s boss Amanda was talking to him and he forced himself to look up at her, taking in the greying hair scraped back into a bun and the silver broche that gleamed on the lapel of her blazer.

“I saw the paper this morning,” she said steadily, expression placid. “Do we need to discuss anything or are you okay to work as usual?”

“I’m alright,” Michael said quietly but he felt calmer as he logged onto the system. It felt refreshing that she wasn’t tiptoeing around the problem and he just appreciated it a lot.

“I’m glad,” Amanda said briskly, watching him with her steely eyes for just a few moments more before she gave a curt, approving nod and continued typing ferociously on her keyboard.

Michael smiled faintly but his relief was palpable and the morning passed more quickly because of it. No one else mentioned the article and Michael got lunch with Mahir who seemed dead set on cheering Michael up, no matter the cost.

He bought the older man a hot chocolate mid-afternoon with whipped cream and sprinkles on, and when he mysteriously withdrew a bag of white chocolate chip cookies from his work bag when they returned to the office from their break, Michael’s smile felt real.

"Take these home for you and your girls," Mahir said before his eyes twinkled faintly. "And _Calum_."

Michael's heart lurched excitedly in his chest.

“You’re a good friend,” the golden-haired man managed but there was a lump rising in his throat and Mahir’s dark eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mike,” Mahir said dryly as he returned to his desk.

That was stunning praise coming from one of the most sardonic people Michael had ever met and the thirty two year old finally felt calm as he sat down to work for the next few hours.

He worked with some lovely people and Michael was in a much better mood by the time five o’clock rolled round. Calum was staying in his own house tonight as he was planning on working late due to meeting a potential new band for the record and the girls were with the child-minder until Michael drove to pick them up on his way home but Michael didn’t give himself time to sit around dwelling on things.

He picked the girls up and started making dinner as soon as they got in – sausages and mash tonight because he was too tired to try anything more exciting, and it had been a _long_ day – and by the time he’d given them baths and put them to bed, it was already half past eight.

Calum texted Michael to let him know that he’d just got home and that one of the dogs had decided to go to the toilet in the middle of the hallway, and Michael’s smile was more of a grimace as he sat down on the sofa with a heavy sigh.

He was tired – _bone-tired_ in fact – but Calum had just sent him a picture of himself with the offending puppy and it was just so _cute_ because Calum was clearly trying to be deadpan but it was obvious that his lips were twitching into a smile even in the photo because the puppy was lovingly trying to lick his face.

Michael was still smiling fondly when his phone began to vibrate with an incoming call and, frowning faintly, Michael hit answer.

“Hi, mum,” he said and it felt good to be able to say those words again, felt like the tight knot of anxiety in his chest was dissipating. “Are you okay?”

“Michael,” Karen said softly, just the sound of her voice making a lump rise in his throat after the morning he’d had. “I’m fine but… I saw the paper this morning and…” Her voice trailed away for a moment and, when she spoke again, the sympathy and love in her tone made Michael’s eyes burn with tears. “I’m so _sorry_ , love.” She hesitated when all she heard over the line was a shuddering breath before her voice became softer. “But… I’m pleased for you. For _both_ of you. I hope you’ll both be very happy.”

Michael closed his eyes against the hot tears threatening but he still felt nothing but _calm_ as he settled back more comfortably on the sofa, the fingers of his free hand knotting into the quilt Calum had been sitting under the day before when Jack had stopped by for a couple of hours. The blanket still smelt of Calum faintly and Michael pulled it down over himself, inhaling shakily.

He missed the dark-haired man a lot.

“Thank you,” Michael said quietly, voice thick with tears. “I love you. I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

“Nonsense,” Karen said briskly, reminding Michael of Amanda for a moment. His lips twitched weakly. “I love you very much and I’m happy for you.”

She’d been calling him on the phone a lot since they’d been reunited and it felt almost like she was trying to make up for lost time. Michael didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Thank you,” the thirty two year old repeated and he was beginning to feel a little less emotional now which was good. He’d cried enough today that he was starting to get a headache. “What have you been up to today?”

“ _Well_ ,” Karen said in the sort of voice that made her son think this was probably going to take a little while. Michael smiled. “Your father’s tomato plants aren’t doing very well this year so we went out to buy some fertiliser this morning but, personally, I don’t suppose we’re going to get many this year and – Oh, do stop looking so outraged, Daryl! I never once insulted your green fingers!”

Michael choked on his laughter but Karen continued on regardless.

“– and then we went to have tea and jam tarts at Hilary’s from down the road. Do you remember Hilary, Michael? The gargantuan woman with the four poodles? Questionable lavender wash in her hair?”

“ _Oh_! Silly Hilary!” Michael remembered and Karen sounded delighted as she chuckled.

“The very same! Her tarts were superb though, as always.” The itinerary seemed to be coming to an end and Michael gave a weak snort of laughter as he glanced around the room, taking in the photos of his beautiful daughters and the newer picture of him and Calum that Mali had taken the last time she’d come round.

Michael’s heart felt lighter in his chest.

“I bought some wool so that I can start knitting Lily and Georgie matching cardigans too,” Karen added and her voice sounded softer now, more hesitant… like she wanted to ask something but didn’t know how to put it into words. “Lilac for Lily and baby blue for Georgie.”

“That sounds lovely,” Michael said and he meant it. He sounded faintly choked up again but it didn’t really matter because so did his mother. “You’ll have to meet them,” Michael said, blinking back tears. “You’ll have to measure them for those cardigans.”

Karen let out a sniffle and it was a long moment before she spoke again.

“Thank you,” she said and her voice was thick with tears too. “Thank you, Michael.”

“We’ll sort out a date really soon,” he said softly but he was smiling weakly as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. “I love you,” he repeated. “Both of you. Tell dad… please.”

“Of course,” Karen promised, her voice warm.

They talked for a few more minutes but Michael felt deeply content when the call ended, despite the bad start to the day he’d had.

His feet were heavy on the stairs as he dragged himself up to bed and, although he wished his boyfriend was there with him, it was okay.

 _Michael_ was okay…

Maybe. Kind of. Almost.

He was so happy Calum had helped him.

He was so happy with _Calum_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed writing Calum but this update was a lot of fun to write.  
> Fingers crossed you all liked it!  
> Please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos! :)  
> Thank you so so much for reading <3


	16. Our Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't going to write smut yet.  
> oh my god i don't know what happened guys i wrote fucking smut. in this fic. oh my god.

**_Who you are is not what you did._ **

 

Michael hadn’t had this many people in his house for quite a while but he couldn’t deny that it was nice to have so many people he cared about in the same place.

Mali and her boyfriend Tom were in the living room while the girls proudly showed them their colouring books and ate Mahir’s cookies. Luke had stopped by for a coffee too, blond hair swept back from his forehead, blue eyes twinkling although it was clear from the bags under his eyes that he was tired.

Michael, Calum and Luke were sitting at the table in the kitchen. There was a newspaper lying on the surface which Michael was pointedly not looking at. Luke’s eyes were soft as he dragged his gaze away from the text, frowning down into his coffee instead.

“Well, I wasn’t happy when I saw it,” Luke said finally. Michael snorted faintly because, really, Luke had been glaring at the paper since he’d first arrived and the fact that _those_ were the first words out of his mouth kind of seemed stupid. Calum sniggered into Michael’s shoulder and the youngest man’s expression became defensive.

“Hey, stop being dicks! I’m trying to be supportive or something!” Luke exclaimed but there was the faintest hint of amusement curling his thin lips, even as he tried his hardest to scowl at the pair of them. “We’re all in the same boat now! The press talks shit about all of us! We should do bonding activities or something! We should go to a gay bar!”

“Luke, calm down,” Calum advised, chocolate brown eyes twinkling although his lips were tugging into an amused grin. “I’m not sure a gay bar’s really our scene.”

“Oh, because you’re _bi_?” Luke asked sulkily. Michael’s smile faded a little.

“Try all the alcohol there instead,” he muttered and Luke’s face fell as his hands fell to rest flat on the newspaper. Michael covered one with his own. “It doesn’t matter,” he said softly but Luke’s clear blue eyes were sad now and Calum’s arm wrapped comfortingly around Michael’s waist.

“Yes, it does,” Luke said firmly but he relaxed a little when Michael gave his hand a comforting squeeze. The silence in the kitchen stretched and Luke rolled his eyes, clearly preparing himself to say something stupid again. “Insult me or something please. There’s too many feelings in this kitchen. They’re getting in my coffee.”

“ _Wow_ , you’re an idiot,” Michael forced out, managing a weak grin when Luke’s eyes twinkled again. He was possibly the only person Michael knew who actually _liked_ being insulted by his friends but Michael had ten years of insults saved up and he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity.

If he was being honest with himself though, he kind of _liked_ that they’d settled back into a healthier version of their old camaraderie so easily. They could still be teasing and slightly mean but they were just having _fun_ together, and it felt so freeing to be able to do that again.

Calum’s soft smile was pleased when Luke immediately fired a petulant comment back and the dark-haired man hid his happiness behind the rim of his mug as he took a sip of hot chocolate, apparently keen not to be picked on too.

“ _LUKEY_!” a voice hollered from the other room and Michael snorted with laughter.

“Georgie requires your presence apparently,” he said helpfully and Luke rolled his eyes again, apparently trying hard to act like that _hadn’t_ just made him ecstatic.

“She wants me to help her colour in a picture of the bunny rabbit in her colouring book,” Luke told them solemnly as he quickly finished his mug of coffee, carrying it over to the counter beside the sink. “I told her I’d do the back and the ears because she gets bored of those bits apparently.”

“That’s very true,” Calum said and Michael’s heart felt too large for his chest as he sank back into the comforting warmth of his boyfriend’s side. It meant so much that his friends cared about his daughters. He couldn’t even put it into _words_ how relaxing and comforting it was.

“Are they watching a film in there?” Calum asked as Luke left the room, heading through the arch back into the living room. The volume of the television was too low for them to hear properly in the kitchen but Michael craned his neck to look, smiling when he saw Buzz Lightyear and Woody running onscreen.

“They’re watching _Toy Story_ ,” he said, his smile softening when he saw Lily sitting on her bean bag watching while Mali plaited her hair for her. “Liam used to love that film.”

“Ah, I miss Payno,” Calum sighed, grinning as Michael’s head came to rest on his shoulder. Calum’s hand rose to ruffle Michael’s hair gently and the older man smiled contentedly, twisting to press a gentle kiss to Calum’s neck.

“Let’s go sit with the others,” the dark-haired man said quietly and Michael rose, frowning faintly when Calum entwined their fingers and led him out into the hallway instead.

“Why are we going this way?” the golden-haired man asked curiously when Calum let the kitchen door swing shut behind him.

“Because I wanted to do this,” Calum said, his hands falling to settle on Michael’s waist as he backed the older man slowly up against the door, his lips moulding against his boyfriend’s as Calum kissed him hot in the dimly lit hallway.

Calum was a warm, solid weight pressed up against him and Michael bit Calum’s lip without meaning to as his hands tightened on the younger man’s broad shoulders when his head spun slightly.

“We have to go in there,” he managed breathlessly against the tanned man’s lips. Calum broke away, smiling like the little shit he was for starting something he had no intention of finishing.

“I know,” Calum said sweetly, his dark hair curling around his ears as he pretended to be innocent. “I just really wanted to kiss you.”

Michael couldn’t even _pretend_ to be annoyed.

He wanted Calum so much that his _heart_ hurt.

 

**_You're still an innocent._ **

 

Michael felt like he was on fire.

The girls had gone back to Mali and Tom’s place for a couple of hours, and the very moment Luke had shut the door behind them as they’d left, Calum had been on him, soft lips pressing open-mouthed kisses to Michael’s throat, large hands falling to grip Michael’s arse through his jeans.

They’d made it up the stairs somehow, so lost in the feeling of finally being close to each other that they barely made it to the bedroom in one piece. Michael tripped over at the top of the stairs and Calum banged his shoulder on the way through the doorway, and the pair of them were giggling like idiots by the time they finally collapsed onto the bed together.

Michael was hard in his jeans and he could feel Calum getting worked up too, felt it in the panting breaths escaping the dark-haired man as he grinded down against Michael and the way Calum was biting at his neck, gently enough not to leave a mark but hard enough that it still dragged a moan from Michael.

“Darling, c’mere,” the older man groaned, fingers tangling in Calum’s dark hair as he pulled him in for another kiss. Calum’s mouth tasted like chocolate as his tongue stroked against Michael’s, hot and so fucking perfect that Michael was so hard his _head_ was swimming and –

God, being this close to Calum was **everything**.

Michael couldn’t stand that they’d wasted so much time but, damnit, he was going to make up for it now. He swore it.

“Clothes,” Michael mumbled but it was enough because Calum was struggling out of his shirt now, his tanned skin mouth-watering in their unlit bedroom like maybe he couldn’t stand the waiting either. Michael struggled out of his own sweatshirt, relieved that the room was dark because it hid his scars but he almost forgot they _existed_ when Calum ducked his head to lick at his nipple, sending sparks of pleasure shooting through him like tiny stars.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael gasped out as his hips punched up. Calum’s dimples were shining in his cheeks as he undid the older man’s jeans, easing them carefully down Michael’s hips, the brush of denim reminding Michael that he wasn’t dreaming… that this was actually _happening_ right now.

“Let me…” Michael’s voice was rough with lust but his eyes were dark as he reached for Calum and the younger man let him instantly, sinking down onto the bed and moaning into Michael’s mouth when the older man reached to palm him hesitantly through his trousers.

Calum wrapped his tattooed arms around Michael’s shoulders when the older man licked into his mouth, hips jerking beneath Michael’s palm when he carefully started to map out Calum’s cock in his jeans, pressing down against it lightly with his palm as Michael kissed him.

His free hand tangled in Calum’s hair, fingers tightening in the dark curls just enough that Calum moaned into his mouth again and squeezed Michael’s arse, making the older man gasp at the sensation. Michael's hand tightened around Calum’s cock almost unconsciously as pleasure burnt through him and Calum's eyes rolled back into his head.

“ _Please_ ,” Calum begged raggedly as he grinded desperately into the older man’s hand and… and Michael couldn’t believe this was _happening_. He’d been thinking about doing it for so long that actually being able to _touch_ Calum now… tasting his tongue and kissing the salt from his skin as he carefully undid the button on his jeans… it felt _insanely_ good.

Michael tugged Calum’s jeans and boxers down his hips in one clumsy, enthusiastic movement and he couldn’t suppress his moan when Calum’s cock slapped up against his flat stomach. It was slightly thinner than Michael’s but longer too and… god, Michael felt like it was too soon to ask Calum to fuck him but _damnit_ , he wanted it.

Michael’s hand was shaking a little bit with how turned on he was when he moved to let his palm ghost along the length of Calum’s cock, his thumb catching the bead of pre-cum at the tip and spreading it around. Calum’s hips jerked erratically as he watched his boyfriend through hooded eyes and Michael licked his lips unconsciously.

He couldn’t believe they’d waited so long to do this.

“Gonna make you feel so good, darling,” Michael promised and Calum moaned when he felt Michael’s warm breath washing over him.

Michael pressed a soft kiss to Calum’s thigh, rubbing his sharp hipbone comfortingly with the pad of his thumb before it slipped to brush the soft hang of Calum’s balls. The younger man gasped at the contact and Michael suppressed his smile as he considered that before he finally threw caution to the wind.

Michael ducked his head, stroking Calum’s cock gently as he mouthed at Calum’s balls, sucking one gently into his mouth. Calum whined, pressing his head back into the pillows as Michael’s free hand slipped up to his hips, holding him still.

Michael couldn’t get over how much he loved doing this to Calum.

Michael raised his head when he began to fist Calum’s cock again, held the dark-haired man’s gaze as he teased the slit with the tip of his tongue. Calum’s eyes fluttered and Michael fought against his smile again, taking the head of Calum’s cock into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks around it as he sucked.

Calum’s moans turned Michael on even more and he was grinding down against the duvet without meaning to, getting just enough friction that he was fully hard without the hope of release. Michael didn’t let himself dwell on that though because Calum’s hand had just slipped to stroke his hair and a flush was spreading down the younger man's neck, painting his chest a warm pink.

With his free hand – the other had slipped from Calum’s hip and was rolling his balls now – Michael reached to take Calum’s where it had been fisted in the duvet, tangling their fingers together as Michael bobbed his head. He was definitely out of practice but it was coming back to him now and he remembered why he’d used to like doing this so much. The upside this time was that Michael didn’t feel scared anymore.

Not with Calum. Not when it was _them_.

Calum’s chest was heaving as Michael took more and more of him into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head when he drew back, only to push forwards even further next time. Calum’s balls were already pulling tight to his body, undeniably hot whimpers and moans tearing out of him as Michael swallowed him down, working to relax his throat muscles around Calum’s achingly hard cock.

The dark-haired man was trying _so_ hard not to let his hips rock up so that he didn’t accidentally choke Michael and the look of concentration on his flushed, lusting face was unbearably sweet.

Michael’s cherry-red lips were soft as Calum’s slick cock glided between them and Michael’s heart was beating calmly in his chest when he looked up at his boyfriend, holding his gaze. Calum saw Michael’s smile in his _eyes_.

In the end, that was all it took.

Calum was gasping out a desperate warning but Michael ignored him, sucking harder as Calum fell apart with a sharp cry.

The dark-haired man came to after a few moments, panting heavily in the darkness of the room as Michael slumped down onto the bed beside him, biting his bottom lip to keep his desperate groan in when he no longer had the friction of the duvet against his painfully hard cock.

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes fluttered open and he gazed at Michael with something that looked a lot like awe for a long moment before a stunned smile tugged at his full lips.

“You’re so beautiful, darling,” Michael murmured but his eyes were _so_ dark with how badly he needed to cum now and Calum’s dimples creased his cheeks.

“So are you,” he said, shaking his head in an effort to clear it before he rolled to settle down gently over Michael. He was warm pressed against him and Michael moaned when Calum ducked his head to kiss the taste of himself from Michael’s mouth. It was almost _ridiculously_ hot now and Michael couldn’t take it anymore.

A soft whimper escaped him when Calum drew back, trailing kisses across Michael’s chest and stomach before he stopped, hovering _right_ over where Michael wanted him most as he licked his full lips. Michael moaned.

“Sweetheart,” Calum whispered, full lips brushing Michael’s scarred thighs distractedly as his dark eyes gazed up at Michael. “What do you want? My fingers? My  _tongue_?”

Michael moaned louder and Calum’s lips tugged up into a grin as he pretended to consider that, tilting his head to one side as Michael watched him breathlessly, pupils blown as he panted.

“You want my tongue, huh? I think we can manage that for you, sweetheart,” Calum murmured but his voice was so rough now that it sent sparks rocketing down to Michael’s cock, achingly hard in his boxers as he lay there helplessly.

“Boxers off and roll over,” Calum said softly, pressing another kiss to Michael’s thigh before he moved away to give the golden-haired man room. Michael did as he was asked unthinkingly, kind of loving doing what Calum told him to because it made him feel weirdly _safe_ … like Calum wanted to look after him.

Michael sank down onto the bed, whining softly at the friction against his cock but then Calum’s warm hands were stroking up his thighs before they came to rest on his arse, kneading the soft flesh as Michael buried his whimper in the duvet.

“ _Please_ ,” he whispered desperately, being driven crazy by the lack of enough friction. Before Michael could think about rolling his hips against the mattress though, Calum squeezed him a little tighter, spreading him as he leant forwards to press a gentle kiss to each cheek. Michael’s breath escaped him in a gasp and Calum laughed softly, his hot breath washing over Michael as he clenched down around nothing.

“I’ve got you,” Calum breathed and then Michael’s brain short-circuited because the younger man had just pressed a kiss to his hole.

Calum’s tongue was the perfect pressure as he licked flat over the opening and Michael’s cock leaked where it was pressed against his stomach. Michael’s chest was heaving with how good it felt because… because, _damn_ , Michael hadn’t felt anything like this for such a long time and it was made even better by the fact that it was _Calum_ with his head buried between Michael’s thighs, tongue darting in and out of Michael as the older man quaked around him.

Michael felt like he’d caught fire when Calum gripped his hips, pulling him closer as he worked his tongue in deeper. Michael’s arse was rising to meet Calum’s tongue and his fists were curling in the sheets as moans poured out of him.

Calum drew back to catch his breath, circling the rim with the tip of his tongue instead. It made Michael’s hips jerk back, made every nerve in his body hyperaware of what Calum was doing to him with his mouth and… and _fuck_ , Michael had never been so desperate for release before.

Calum ducked back again, his tongue caressing Michael’s hole as the older man’s toes curled at the burning pleasure spreading through him. Calum was slowly licking in and out of him again, humming enough that the vibrations made Michael moan louder than ever as he clutched desperately at his fistfuls of duvet.

If Michael had been able to think straight, he would have been quite sure that nobody had ever made him feel this good before. As it was, he simply lay there feeling dazed as the heat boiled inside him and the pleasure made him dizzy.

Calum’s tongue started to fuck into his hole faster and Michael’s neglected cock was _so_ fucking hard now, leaking over the sheets as his breath rasped out of him and his muscles started to flutter. He was so, _so_ close.

Without warning, Calum suddenly licked much deeper and Michael’s cry of pleasure might have embarrassed him if his brain had still been working. Michael had raised his hips so much as he searched for Calum’s tongue that it wasn’t hard at all for the dark-haired man to reach around and grip Michael’s cock.

Michael’s moan was strangled as Calum pumped his fist, still fucking his tongue into Michael’s hole, and the heat in Michael’s stomach set alight as he came _so_ hard, sobbing into the sheets as his body jerked with the aftershocks.

Calum drew away slowly, kissing the back of Michael’s thigh before the older man slumped down onto his side, still struggling to catch his breath as he reached weakly for Calum.

The dark-haired man held him close, settling down beside Michael with a soft sigh as he cuddled him.

Michael could feel the love he’d buried for Calum all those years ago coming alive in his chest and it threatened to steal his breath again as the words caught painfully in his throat. Michael choked on them, his fear evident in his eyes.

Calum’s expression softened as he stroked Michael’s golden hair away gently from his sweaty forehead, pressing a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s cherry-red lips.

“It’s okay,” Calum whispered, his chocolate brown eyes lovingly taking in Michael’s face. “Sweetheart, I _promise_ it’s okay.”

Michael cuddled Calum closer, tucking his face shyly away and kissing his neck as the younger man carded his fingers gently through the older man's golden hair.

Michael didn’t say anything.

He didn’t _have_ to.

Looking into Calum’s warm brown eyes, Michael thought he already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i so so so hope this was okay oh my god.  
> please let me know what you thought <3  
> thank you for reading!!!!


	17. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were originally going to be two sections in this chapter (one including Jack) but I got carried away writing so you'll have to wait until next time for him unfortunately. Hopefully Ashton makes up for this.  
> Enjoy!

**_Time turns flames to embers._ **

****

The text Michael received from Ashton about them meeting up was as unexpected as it was welcome, and the nerves that had flared to life when Michael had read the message a few days ago were still burning bright now.

Michael’s heart was racing in his chest as he waited outside the café Ashton had picked. It was early on a Saturday morning and Calum had promised to watch the girls for the few hours Ashton had suggested. Michael had left the house to Calum getting them breakfast while his daughters snuggled up together on the sofa beneath a quilt, watching _Peppa Pig_.

Ashton hadn’t been there when Michael had arrived so he waited for the former drummer outside, collar turned up against the wind as he kept his breathing as calm as he could. The sky overhead was a pale blue and Michael was quite certain it would be warm later but for now he kept his visibly-shaking hands buried in his pockets, head bowed as he watched the pavement pensively, his thoughts rushing tirelessly through his head.

Michael and Ashton had always had a volatile relationship.

They’d fought a lot when they were younger just because they both had such loud personalities. They were bound to clash and it happened frequently, sucked until they made up again, and then it would happen again. Calum used to joke that he could time his watch by their arguments. Luke just used to pout a lot.

In the end though, it was easy to sum Michael and Ashton’s friendship up: the pair were quick to argue but even quicker to forgive. They loved each other like brothers and that was all there was to it.

When Michael saw the sad smile tugging at Ashton’s lips as the older man walked towards him – with silver beginning to streak his hair and a wedding ring glinting on his finger – Michael realised that it was still the same now.

Ashton offered Michael a vaguely timid smile as he came to a stop in front of him, cheeks red from the cold and eyes tired in his tanned face, like maybe he hadn’t got much sleep the night before.

“Morning, Mike,” Ashton said carefully, his hazel eyes taking in the tired circles under Michael’s eyes and the way his slightly-trembling hands slipped from his pockets to hang awkwardly at his sides. Ashton’s expression softened infinitesimally and Michael’s shoulders slumped with relief.

“I didn’t think you’d want to meet,” the younger man said quietly but his shoulders were hunched now and Michael couldn’t meet Ashton’s gaze. “Even after I saw you, I… I didn’t think you’d be able to forgive me after… after before…”

Michael’s voice trailed away and he bit his bottom lip hard to keep from rambling further, his eyes damp as he finally dragged his gaze up to Ashton’s face. The older man was watching him levelly as he stood there in the centre of Sydney beneath the vast, empty sky.

They wouldn’t have been able to stand outside alone like this once… but that was a long time ago now. Things were different.

“There was never anything to forgive, Mike,” Ashton said softly and Michael’s tears threatened to choke him as he forced a watery smile onto his face. Ashton’s eyes still looked faintly sad.

“And I missed you,” the older man added in a fierce little voice. It didn’t seem to matter that they’d seen each other a few weeks previously because _this_ felt like the reunion they deserved.

“I missed you too,” Michael said as his lips tugged up into a faint smile but he was still shivering a little. Ashton squeezed his shoulder comfortingly as he led him inside, out of the cold.

The café was nice inside, very _Ashton_. It had abstract artwork covering the walls and the polished wood of the counter curved through the café in a lazy swirl, covered with floral plates of cookies, jam tarts and muffins. A big blackboard hung on the wall over the counter with details of the hot and cold drinks listed in chalk. Eighties music played softly in the background.

Michael grinned.

“Hey, it’s like they made this place for you, Ash,” he said and Ashton rolled his eyes as he led Michael up to the counter.

“Why’d you think I keep coming back here?” the older man retorted but his hazel eyes were softer now, sparkling faintly as he peered up at the drinks before finally giving up and putting his glasses on.

“I’m having a mocha,” Ashton decided as he fished his wallet out of his pocket, waiting in line. Michael hovered beside him, peering up at the board too. “Do you still like vanilla lattes?” Ashton asked, just as Michael opened his mouth to ask for one. The younger man pressed his lips together firmly but his smile was bright as it crept across his face. Ashton looked pleased with himself when Michael nodded. “I’ll get these, Mikey. You go and grab a table.”

“Thanks, Ash,” Michael said softly but his smile was still curving his lips as he sat down beside the window, safe behind the fogged-up glass as he hung his coat over the back of the chair and sat there in his dark green jumper, covering his fists with the too-long sleeves as he waited.

Michael couldn’t help but remember the first time he’d met up with Calum in a café and it felt so _strange_ because, while some things were still the same – the faint underlying awkwardness and thoughts of ‘ _oh thank god I haven’t lost you, thank **god**_ ’ – Michael wasn’t panicking this time. He didn’t feel like he was on the verge of _tears_ and that was definitely a bonus.

Ashton was smiling properly when he came back with a round tray held carefully in his large hands. He set it down carefully, passing Michael his latte so that the younger man could warm his hands on the mug.

“Thank you,” Michael said but Ashton waved it away with a gentle smile, sitting back in his chair and letting out a soft sigh as he relaxed. There was a plate of miniature cakes between them and Ashton looked ridiculously proud of himself when he spied Michael watching them hopefully.

“You’re still Michael,” Ashton said but his voice was soft enough that he might not have intended the younger man to hear. Michael smiled tightly at him, swallowed past the defensiveness and the anxiety and the worry, smiled until his smile became real instead.

“Yeah, I am,” he said quietly and Ashton’s eyes were soft as he leant closer, resting his elbows on the table and cradling his chin in his hands as he smiled gently to himself.

“How are your girls?” Ashton asked after a moment. “How’s _Calum_?” His eyes were twinkling faintly but there was a tightness to his expression that made Michael think maybe he was angry with the press too, just like Luke had been.

“We’re all pretty good,” Michael said as easily as he could, trying to ignore the way he could feel himself blushing. Ashton’s smile was vaguely knowing and Michael hurried to change the subject. “Tell me about your week.”

Ashton snorted with laughter but he did as Michael asked, taking a sip of his cooling mocha before he considered what he’d been getting up to. Michael’s cheeks were still flaming faintly but the slight smile refused to leave his lips and Ashton looked strangely satisfied about it.

Maybe he just liked seeing Michael happy.

“Well, it was pretty good, all things considered,” Ashton said, wrapping his fingers around his drink as he ordered his thoughts. There was a certain something in his expression that made Michael think something _big_ had happened but he didn’t feel like he was allowed to press Ashton for details of it. Not yet.

“I saw Feldy and Alex,” Ashton began before he smiled again. “They were both going on about meeting you again. Apparently Rian and Zack have been too.” A lump rose in Michael’s throat but he was smiling too and Ashton gave his hand a brief squeeze, his palm warm from holding his mug. “I saw Rena about her new album as well. She said Nia’s bought another puppy which takes the number up to… I think it’s _seven_ now?”

Michael smiled but his eyes were soft because that reminded him of his phone wallpaper which, at this moment, showed a picture of Calum, Lily and Georgie cuddled up on the sofa with Calum’s puppies climbing all over them. It was quite possibly the cutest picture Michael had ever taken and his heart melted whenever he looked at it.

“Are they all the same type of dog?” Michael asked curiously, asking more for Calum’s sake than his own. His boyfriend adored dogs. It was possibly the sweetest thing in the world.

“No idea,” Ashton said but he looked fond too. “Casey mortified himself too,” Ashton added as an afterthought, a giggle escaping him that reminded Michael of Ashton back when they were just sixteen. “Did you see the video Miranda posted on Twitter?”

Michael racked his brains but he couldn’t recall what the older man was talking about.

“Oh my god, Mikey! You have to see this!” Ashton was giggling again as he dug his mobile phone out of his pocket, swiping his thumb across the screen to unlock it and hurriedly opening the Twitter app. “Miranda took Casey to a craft fair and she was filming his reaction of something to show Rena when he got recognised and Casey was so excited he stood on the edge of the tablecloth and knocked stuff everywhere and then he fell over!”

Michael felt guilty for laughing so hard when he saw the video but his heart ached a little bit as he listened to Miranda and Casey laughing.

“I miss those guys too,” he sighed and Ashton sobered although his eyes remained warm.

“They miss you too,” he said before scowling suddenly. “I just realised I owe Casey ten dollars. I said he wouldn’t get recognised after his haircut but he did. Damnit.”

Michael snorted but he was glad Ashton had said it because his words had broken the slight tension that Michael had begun to feel and the younger man was grateful for that.

“I’m sorry about that newspaper article,” Ashton said suddenly and Michael found that it didn’t really stress him out so much now. Mahir had been right and they’d already moved onto a new story. Things really _could_ change.

“So is my mum,” Michael said and it was worth it to watch Ashton’s eyes widen at Michael’s implication. “But she’s happy for me and Cal though.”

“You mean –”

“My parents and I are talking again,” Michael said softly. “And Calum may or may not be my boyfriend now.”

Ashton’s whole face lit up.

“Mikey, that’s great! I’m so happy for you!”

Ashton didn’t _quite_ come round the table to hug him but his happiness was evident on his face and Michael basked in it, feeling warm and content, and happier than he had done in a very long time as he sat there opposite one of his oldest best friends.

“I’m sorry. I forgot to ask earlier,” Michael said suddenly, shooting Ashton an apologetic smile as the older man watched him curiously, his caramel-coloured hair curling gently into his eyes as he finished his drink. “How are _you_? How’s Bryana?”

“We’re good. She’s okay,” Ashton said before he hesitated, biting his bottom lip as he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, they looked suspiciously wet. Michael remembered that twist to Ashton’s expression earlier, the hint that something _big_ had happened.

When Ashton spoke next, Michael’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“Bryana’s pregnant, Mike,” Ashton said softly, expression stunned. “We’re having a baby and… and fuck… I just told you before my own mother.”

Michael covered his smiling mouth with his hands, watching Ashton with wet eyes. It meant a lot that Ashton had told him first, reminded Michael of how it used to be back when they were teenagers, sitting in their bunks on the tour bus and quietly confiding in each other while Luke and Calum hollered as they played Fifa in the other room.

God, they’d come so far.

The tears in Michael’s eyes boiled over as he saw the faint, awestruck smile spreading shakily across Ashton’s tanned face.

“I’m so happy for you, Ashy,” Michael whispered sincerely and Ashton swallowed audibly past the lump in his throat, reaching to gently brush Michael’s shoulder with his knuckles.

“Thank you,” the older man promised. He looked at Michael carefully, took in his expression and the way he was still trembling slightly even now, and Ashton reached to cover one of Michael’s hands with his own.

“It’s all going to be okay, dude,” Ashton promised and Michael didn’t ask how Ashton could tell he was still worrying. He just breathed the words in and tried his hardest to believe them. “Everything will work out.”

Ashton left his seat to pull Michael into a hug for the first time in ten years and the golden-haired man stiffened – more out of shock than anything else – before his arms wound around Ashton’s waist. Ashton tucked his face away into Michael’s neck, embracing him tightly.

Michael closed his eyes against his tears.

“It’s all going to be okay,” Ashton repeated as he rubbed Michael’s back gently and the younger man let out a quiet sob… and he knew this was enough… because he had Calum and Luke and Ashton back in his life again, close by his side after all this time… and it was enough.

 _He_ was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading!  
> I really hope you enjoyed it - please let me know what you thought!
> 
> Also just a note, if anyone noticed my zombie fic was missing, that's my fault. I'm really stupid and forget to back up work, and stuff gets deleted. So if that annoyed anyone at all, I'm really sorry.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! <3


	18. To The Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this one pretty cathartic to write but I'm sorry for the wait - I didn't get any writing done over Christmas and I wasn't in a happy enough mood to write this without making it majorly angsty so fingers crossed it was worth the wait.  
> Hope you're all well <3

**_You'll have new Septembers._ **

 

Michael was having a bad time.

He didn’t feel like he was in danger of relapsing exactly, since he had plenty of people to talk to and Calum was always there with the girls to distract him, but Michael was still struggling.

He felt like he was running as fast as he could and, sure, maybe he _wasn’t_ going backwards but he wasn’t getting anywhere either. It was like being stuck on a treadmill almost, or losing your footing on ice in those few frantic seconds before you crashed down onto the ground, and Michael’s anxiety was eating away at him from the inside out.

He knew Calum could see it because he caught the dark-haired man watching him sometimes with sadness in his eyes and an encouraging sort of smile that looked faintly pained.

After almost a week of it, Calum had finally had enough.

He grabbed Michael when the older man had just finished putting his daughters in bed, arms snaking around his boyfriend’s waist as Michael suppressed a faint smile, turning in Calum’s embrace to face him on the dimly lit landing.

“Come downstairs,” Calum whispered, pressing a brief kiss to Michael’s full red lips before he drew back hesitantly. “I have a surprise for you.”

Frowning faintly, Michael laced his fingers with Calum’s and followed his boyfriend down the stairs carefully in the darkness. Golden light shone out from the open living room doorway and the pink of the girls’ fairy lights illuminated the landing faintly, keeping the shadows away.

Calum gazed at Michael with his wide, chocolate brown eyes and the smallest hint of a smile curling his lips, and Michael’s heart ached in his chest. More than anything, he wanted to tell Calum that he loved him.

The golden-haired man couldn’t let himself though. Not yet.

“C’mon,” Calum urged softly, squeezing Michael’s hand gently as he tugged his boyfriend into the living room.

Calum had set the laptop up while Michael was upstairs and the older man frowned again when he saw that it was open, angled towards the sofa. There was a faint crackling sound coming from it – it reminded Michael of static almost – and the older man realised why when Jack Barakat sidled into view, smiling warmly at him from the little screen as he waved. His guitar was sitting beside him.

Calum pushed Michael down lightly onto the sofa and the golden-haired man frowned at them both as he looked between the two of them.

“What’s all this?” Michael asked after a moment but his lips kind of wanted to tug up into a smile and they managed it when Jack piped up a cheerful: “We’re going to sing you a song to cheer you up, bro!”

Michael’s heart swelled in his chest and he looked over at Calum with too-bright eyes, taking in his boyfriend’s soft smile and the sparkling of his eyes as he reached to cup Michael’s cheek lovingly, the pads of his fingers soft against the older man’s skin.

In that moment, Michael thought Calum might love him too.

“What song are you singing?” he asked but he sounded slightly breathless. Calum looked away, his cheeks heating faintly as he left Jack to answer.

“Missing You!” He looked proud of himself as he said that, like the fact that they were singing an All Time Low song was something he was very smug about. “Since I kind of had you in mind during writing all those years ago… kinda seems fitting, don’t you think?”

Michael’s eyes swam with tears but he managed a jerky nod, sitting further back on the sofa and drawing his knees up to his chest as Jack lifted his guitar into his lap. Beside him, Calum gave a little cough, clearing his throat self-consciously.

God, Michael hadn’t heard him sing in so long.

“Ready?” Jack asked softly and, despite how pixelated he looked over the video channel, his dark eyes taking on that same calm they always used to right before he played was still visible. Calum nodded and Jack looked pleased as his fingers fell to settle on the steel strings. “Okay, one… two… one, two, three –”

The familiar chords washed over Michael, almost as clear as they would have been if Jack was in the same room as them, but then Michael stopped thinking because Calum began to sing.

“ _I heard that you’ve been self-medicating in the quiet of your room – your sweet, suburban tomb – and if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds._ ”

His voice was still just as sweet and beautiful as it had always been, and Michael’s eyes burnt with tears behind his closed lids as he listened.

“ _I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts, but if you need a friend then please just say the word._ ” Jack joined in too, his voice rougher and deeper than Calum’s but just as lovely in its own way. Listening to the pair of them singing reminded Michael of those nights on the tour bus sometimes, when they played a show in the same place as All Time Low and met up for drinks afterwards. It made Michael feel eighteen again, on those rare nights when he lost himself in the music again and everything felt okay for a little while… just like it did now.

“ _You’ve come this far. You’re all cleaned up. You’ve made a mess again._ ” Michael’s heart panged and Calum took his hand. The older man’s emerald green eyes fluttered open and a tear rolled down his cheek. “ _There’s no more trying. Time to sort yourself out._ ”

Jack’s fingers were still dancing across the strings and he was still singing along, slightly out of time because of the lag of their video connection and it was kind of lame but, _god_ , Michael loved the pair of them to the moon and back for caring about him so much.

“ _Hold on tight. This ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done. Now don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out, and we’ll be missing you._ ”

Jack set his guitar down carefully and Calum urged Michael closer with the hand he was still holding, pulling the golden-haired man gently into his arms and holding him there as Michael sniffed, trying his hardest not to cry in front of Jack. He might laugh at Michael which seemed unlikely at the moment but if he was nice too then Michael was probably going to burst into tears which wouldn’t do a whole lot for his self-esteem.

Calum let Michael’s limp hand fall to rest on his chest, leaving both of his own free to cuddle Michael closer. His boyfriend’s emotions were still roaring in his head but he felt lighter than he had done in a long time and he was so, _so_ grateful for that.

Michael wiped his eyes in vain with his sleeve, pushing himself up into a clumsy sitting position as he felt Calum and Jack watching him. Michael opened his mouth but no sound came out and Calum sat up too, pulling him into a hug.

“Are you crying?” Jack asked softly and Michael nodded jerkily as another tear slipped down his cheek. “But did you like it?” the oldest man pressed and Michael sniffed hard, managing a watery smile as his hand fisted in the back of Calum’s shirt.

“I loved it,” he breathed and Calum kindly repeated his words for Jack when he simply continued to look perplexed. A sunny smile spread over Jack’s face at that and Michael wished he was closer so that he could give him a hug.

“Thanks, man,” Michael told him sincerely before his soft gaze flickered to Calum’s face, taking in his boyfriend’s concern and fondness saturating his expression. “Thank you, darling,” Michael whispered and Calum smiled gently, his relief colouring his face, even as Jack pretended to be sick. Rolling his eyes, Michael leant forwards to capture Calum’s full lips in a soft kiss.

“Uh… guys? I… I didn’t come here for foreplay. I came here to serenade,” Jack pointed out and Michael laughed before he could stop himself, taking in the dimples springing up in Calum’s cheeks and the laughter dancing in Calum’s beautiful, chocolate brown eyes.

God, Michael loved his friends so fucking much and, seemingly against all the odds, they loved him too.

It was maybe one of the best things in the world, just short of being Lily and Georgie’s dad, and getting to kiss Calum goodnight on a daily basis.

“Can I come over again soon, once I’m back in Oz?” Jack asked suddenly, slightly more serious now despite the smile still tugging at his lips. “Because I still really want to meet your tiny baby children.”

Calum laughed quietly at that and Michael’s gaze softened as he sank back into his boyfriend’s warm embrace.

“Of course you can –” Michael began but he faltered suddenly, pausing as he heard a little wail coming from upstairs. Jack was frowning faintly when Michael looked up at him, presumably trying to work out what the noise was.

“I think your namesakes might be awake,” Michael said when he heard two sets of footsteps descending the stairs. Calum’s lips twitched and he rose carefully, dropping a kiss onto the top of Michael’s head before disappearing into the hallway momentarily, only to return a few seconds later with a sleepy Georgie on his hip and Lily’s little hand held gently in his own.

Michael’s heart melted when he saw them but Jack’s whole face lit up.

“Is the little one Barakat or Jack?” he asked excitedly, apparently trying his hardest to look innocent although it definitely wasn’t working. Georgie looked round at the sound of a stranger and fixed Jack with a stern look.

“My name is Georgie!” she said fiercely, making a little shooing motion with her hand.

Calum started laughing and Lily giggled too although she didn’t really seem to understand what was happening, hurrying over to her father and flinging herself at him.

Lily leant around Michael to give Jack a hesitant smile but Georgie was still rambling at him from her place in Calum’s arms, muttering things about “band men” and making too much noise when she was trying to sleep.

Michael hid his smile in Lily’s hair as she gave him a cuddle.

Jack looked like all of his Christmases had come at once.

 

**_Every one of us has messed up too._ **

 

Michael and Calum had taken the girls round to spend the day at Mali and Tom’s house.

It was nice there, with wooden floors and cheerfully-coloured walls. A quilted blanket stretched across the back of the sofa which Georgie had immediately claimed, snuggling up in it on Tom’s lap while Calum helped Lily choose a DVD from the rack beside the flat screen television.

They settled on _How To Train Your Dragon_ in the end and Michael’s smile was fond as the opening began to play. He pressed a kiss to Calum’s cheek on his way out into the kitchen to see if Mali needed any help and a soft smile curved Michael’s lips as he left the four of them sitting nestled together on the sofa.

The kitchen was bright and clean, the walls covered with professional-looking photographs Tom had taken during his and Mali’s years of travelling back in their twenties. There were pictures of London and Paris and Berlin, and it ignited those old feelings of wanderlust that Michael had felt when they’d first started the band all those years ago, back before the homesickness and the pain had set in.

Mali looked up when she saw Michael falter in the doorway, his eyes faraway as he remembered. Her expression softened when she walked around the counter to hug him and Michael’s breathing was only a tiny bit uneven when he hugged her back.

“How are you doing?” she asked quietly, her dark hair tumbling down around her shoulders like a waterfall. Michael drew back with a half-hearted shrug, smiling faintly as he leant against the counter. Mali turned to continue what she’d been doing before he interrupted her – she seemed to be ordering all of the tins of food in the cupboards although there was probably more to it than that – and Michael was grateful because it took the pressure off him and made it easier to answer.

“I’m better than I was,” Michael said honestly and Mali made a small, pleased sound. “You can thank your brother and Jack for that.”

“I’ll make sure to,” Mali said and her dark eyes were twinkling when she shot him a soft smile over her shoulder. “Tom and I ordered some Mexican food for us earlier which I still need to go and pick up… and you said the girls liked fish fingers, right? Because I have some in the freezer which Tom can cook while I’m getting the food if they do.”

“That sounds great,” Michael said, relaxing visibly now that he knew his girls were being considered. “Thank you, Mali. Do you need a hand collecting the food?”

“I could use the company,” Mali said as she led Michael out into the hallway, crouching to pick up her handbag and make sure her purse was inside. “Let’s leave the four kids to their film.”

“Hey!” Calum called indignantly from the living room and Michael snorted with laughter at that, even as Mali seemingly took great delight in ignoring her younger brother.

“We’re just popping out to collect the food, babe, so cook the girls their dinner please,” Mali told Tom as she stuck her head round the doorway. “Mikey’s coming to keep me company by the way.”

Calum looked pleased when he heard that, chocolate brown eyes sparkling faintly in the moments before they fluttered shut when Georgie accidentally kneed him in her attempts to escape the confines of the quilt. Michael sniggered and Calum did his best to look offended but it fell woefully short when he gave Michael a soft smile, reaching out to give his hand a gentle squeeze.

“See you in a bit. I’ll look after the princesses for you.”

The pair of them closed the door on Tom threateningly saying: “If you call _me_ a princess then you’re never choosing the film again, Calum.”

Michael felt buoyant as he followed Mali down the front drive and fell into step beside her. He’d had a lovely weekend and he wasn’t even particularly sad that it was Monday tomorrow because he was meeting Mahir for coffee during the day and Luke was coming round tomorrow night with homemade pizzas sent from Liz which could only mean that they’d be amazing.

“You look happier,” Mali noted as they walked along in the twilight. The evening was already well upon them and the stars were beginning to wink into existence faintly overhead in the purplish sky. Michael shrugged, pulling his lightweight jacket closer around him as they crossed the road.

“I’m just thinking…” he said but his voice trailed away as he lost himself in thought. Frowning faintly, Michael shook his head to clear it. “I’m thinking about how I’m a lot happier these days.” There. Those were the words that had been trying so hard to come out. “Calum makes everything better.”

Mali looked like she was trying to suppress a smile at that but her expression sobered as something suddenly occurred to her.

“Did you love your ex-wife, Mike?” She sounded almost apologetic as she spoke but Michael couldn’t find it in himself to get upset about it now. He’d always found Mali surprisingly easy to talk to and thinking about his failed relationship with Hannah didn’t hurt so much anymore.

There was nothing Michael could have done to save it and he was almost _pleased_ it had been doomed from the very start. Without meeting her, he probably never would have been reunited with Calum again.

That was more than a silver lining. That was a whole treasure trove that Michael had accidentally stumbled into.

“Did I love Hannah?” Michael repeated the words quietly although he wasn’t sure why. It didn’t feel like buying time. It felt more like he was trying to order his thoughts instead. Mali watched him silently out of the corner of her dark eyes and Michael shrugged again, deciding honesty was his best policy. “I… I guess I thought I did once but… but looking back now… I mean… I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe I never loved her at all. It doesn’t _feel_ like I did.”

When Mali made a small surprised noise, Michael wondered if he’d said too much because the older woman was watching him curiously now, her dark eyes twinkling brighter than the stars as she gave him a knowing look that only ever managed to look gentle.

“You love my brother,” she realised but Michael paled faintly and Mali bit her lip. “Don’t you?”

“I…” Michael couldn’t deny it anymore. He felt the truth of her statement resonating inside him, tearing away the shadows that still clung to his heart even now as his eyes widened at the sensation of his anxiety burning itself away. “Yes.”

Accepting it was easier than saying those three words out loud but… but Michael knew Calum deserved to hear them… and he’d tell his boyfriend as soon as he felt like he had enough air left in his lungs. Calum deserved for Michael to do this properly.

Anything less would be an insult.

“When did you realise you loved Calum?” Mali asked quietly and Michael knew she meant _now_ , this time around when they’d been reunited again but… but his heart was racing and he could only think of one answer that felt right.

“When I was about nineteen,” Michael replied but his voice was shaking faintly and he felt relieved when she reached out instinctively to hold his hand. “When I got burnt and Calum sat with me all night long, holding my hand and whispering that everything was going to be okay because, no matter what else, we’d always have each other.”

Michael’s eyes were wet but there were already tears trickling down Mali’s cheeks and she pulled him into such a crushing hug that it kind of _hurt_. Michael squeezed her back just as tight.

“I think I loved him for a lot longer than that though,” the younger man whispered and it felt like he couldn’t keep the words locked in anymore now that he’d started talking. “I think maybe I always have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos :)  
> Thank you so much for reading <3


	19. In The Clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of ridiculously long but I hope maybe you guys won't mind? I had a lot of fun writing this one and it felt pretty cathartic. Everything's following the plan nicely and I really hope you guys will like where I take this story :)  
> Enjoy!

**_Minds change like the weather._ **

****

Calum woke up earlier than he needed to on Saturday morning but he couldn’t resent it. The dawn sunlight was filtering in through the curtains and Michael’s soft skin was warm against Calum as he curled up beside his boyfriend. Michael smelt like soap and the lemon shower gel he had in the bathroom, and his golden hair was soft beneath Calum’s chin when Michael snuggled closer to him, a soft sound escaping his cherry-red lips where they were pressed to the feather tattooed on Calum’s collarbone.

Their alarm was going to go off in ten minutes and Calum knew Michael hated getting woken up by it. It always made him jump and then he was grouchy before he’d even gone down to breakfast, and they were going to visit Michael’s parents with the girls today. Michael needed to be in a good mood.

Calum’s full lips tugged up into a small smile as he smoothed his hand down Michael’s back, rubbing comforting circles into the warm skin as the smaller man shifted against him, letting out a soft sigh at the contact. His eyes fluttered open but he closed them quickly, like even the dim light in the room was too much for him.

Calum dropped a gentle kiss onto his forehead and Michael grumbled quietly, opening one eye more cautiously this time as he chanced a glance up at Calum.

“Alarm didn’t go off,” he mumbled, looking for all the world like a disgruntled kitten as he curled up into an even tighter ball. Calum’s hand ran down his back again, lower this time, and Michael shivered despite himself, both of his eyes opening now. It might have been Calum’s imagination but they looked darker.

“I thought of a nicer way to wake you up,” Calum said innocently, shrugging as Michael bit his bottom lip hard, almost seeming to melt back onto the bed as he straightened out. He was half hard now but at least he didn’t look grumpy anymore. “You’re so cute,” Calum grinned and Michael hid his smile in Calum’s neck, clinging to him tightly as Calum’s hand drifted down to stroke his side.

“Please,” Michael breathed, his breath hot against Calum’s skin as his fingers tightened on Calum’s broad shoulders. Michael was warm and _very_ naked under the duvet, and Calum let out a tiny groan when he felt the hot nudge of Michael’s cock when the older man rolled his hips clumsily against Calum’s thigh.

“Cal, _p-please_ ,” Michael whimpered but his voice cracked. He was fully hard now as he clung to Calum, warm and sleepy and pliant beneath the white sheets, and Calum smiled as he reached down between them, wrapping his fingers around Michael’s cock and spreading his thumb over the tip as the older man jerked, gasping at the sudden friction.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” Calum promised, trailing his lips distractedly across Michael’s jaw as he began to jerk his fist. The golden-haired man’s lips fell open and he let out a soft moan as Calum's grip tightened. Michael’s stomach muscles tensed and his breathing was erratic as he pressed his head back into the pillows with a whine, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as his chest heaved.

Michael’s hips were rising to meet Calum’s fist and he let out another louder moan that made Calum giggle in the moments before he kissed Michael quiet.

“Shhh! You’ll wake them up!” Calum cautioned but his dimples were shining from his cheeks and Michael’s hooded eyes were glitter-soft as he gazed up at him, his cheeks and chest flushed with blood, his cock leaking pre-cum as Calum quickened the pace.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Michael groaned, letting his eyes slide shut as the fire in his stomach grew hotter. His movements were erratic now and he had to press his mouth to Calum’s shoulder again to keep his sounds muffled. Calum dropped a kiss onto the older man's forehead again and it was so gentle that the contrast to the firm tugs of his fist was almost shocking.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael said urgently and his voice was needier than ever now as a shudder tore through him. His breaths were tearing out of him but he still looked so small and soft cuddled up against Calum’s chest that the dark-haired man couldn’t resist drawing Michael in for a kiss, angling his chin up with his free hand as he twisted his fist over the head of Michael’s cock.

The golden-haired man fell apart with a muffled groan, arching his back as he came all over his stomach and Calum’s fist. The dark-haired man jerked him through it slowly before he pressed another softer kiss to Michael’s lips and unashamedly wiped his hand on Michael’s stomach.

“Wow, thanks,” Michael said flatly but his lips were twitching as they threatened to tug up into a smile. Michael jumped when the alarm went off suddenly and Calum smiled smugly, even as he tried to ignore how hard he was.

“Let’s go shower,” Calum said and Michael scowled down at the mess on his stomach, even as a smile tugged at his lips.

“You suck,” Michael told him as he climbed out of bed shakily. Calum grinned as he followed him.

“Not as good as you do,” the dark-haired man said and the double-entendre would have been appalling if it hadn’t made Michael’s cheeks flush red.

“Be quiet,” the older man mumbled but he was smirking a little bit as he cracked their bedroom door open, checking to make sure the coast was clear before he snagged Calum’s (still slightly sticky) hand and tugged him into the bathroom.

“We’re showering together?” Calum asked hopefully, his whole face lighting up when Michael gave him what was _probably_ supposed to be a scathing look as he turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up before he stepped under the spray. Calum followed him and he swallowed audibly when he saw Michael looking down at his cock with dark eyes.

“To save time. Now shut up,” Michael mumbled as he sank down onto his knees beneath the warm water, gripping Calum's well-muscled thighs and urging him closer. “I don’t want you to wake the girls up.”

Calum was _still_ red-faced when they all went down to breakfast a short while later although he seemed to be back to normal by the time Michael set a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs down in front of him. Lily was already finishing her second slice of Vegemite on toast and Georgie was making an impressive mess with her bowl of coco pops.

Michael’s smile was fond when Calum tipped his head back over the chair, reaching to draw his boyfriend down into a gentle kiss.

“You’re amazing,” Calum told him sincerely but it sounded like he meant something else. Michael’s heart skipped in his chest as he squeezed Calum’s shoulder gently.

“So are you,” he said but he stopped talking when he felt Lily’s clever eyes fixed on the pair of them. She gave them a knowing look and Calum laughed as he shovelled some scrambled egg into his mouth. Michael snorted, turning away to fix his own food.

He didn’t have it in him to think of anything suitably witty or sarcastic to say. He was too tired and he hadn’t decided what he wanted the girls to wear when they met their grandparents for the first time later that day which he was only _kind_ of getting nervous about.

“I want to wear a dress,” Lily said suddenly as she chewed on her toast crust. Michael looked up in surprise, trying to work out if his child had somehow developed psychic powers before he figured that maybe his daughter was just better prepared than he was.

“I don’t,” Georgie said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and smearing chocolate milk across her chin. “I want my dungarees on.” In the same breath, she said: “Will they like us, daddy?”

“Who? Your grandma and grandpa?” Michael asked and Georgie nodded solemnly. Lily bit her lip, looking so small as she sank down in her chair that Calum reached out to squeeze her hand gently. “They’ll love you,” Michael promised and he knew his words were true. “How could they not?”

“I love you both already,” Calum added and the smiles lighting up their faces made it all worth it. “Your daddy’s right. You’re lovely. How could anyone _not_ like princesses like you two?”

“Well, I’m going to draw them a picture to make sure they do like me,” Lily decided and Georgie’s face lit up as she hurriedly finished her cereal.

“C’mon! Let’s do drawing now!” she exclaimed, bouncing excitedly in her seat. “Daddy, can we go draw?”

“Sure you can,” Michael said easily, half-rising but sinking back into his seat with a smile when Calum got up to set Georgie down on the floor. Lily scrambled down too. “Your colouring pencils are in the tin under the coffee table, remember? If you draw now, I’ll help you choose your outfits in a little while.”

Lily pressed a big sloppy kiss to Michael’s cheek on her way past. Georgie poked Calum’s nose.

“My children are weird,” Michael realised but he didn’t wipe his cheek. Calum looked oddly fond as he finished his breakfast.

“So are we though,” he said and his dark hair looked soft as it curled gently across his forehead. “So it makes perfect sense.”

Michael opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he pressed his lips together hard after a moment of thought, like he wasn’t quite brave enough. Calum reached to cover Michael’s hand with his own and the faint anxiety that had been beginning to burn in the older man’s eyes flickered out like a candle in the breeze.

“Are you nervous?” Calum asked softly and Michael shook his head after a moment’s thought.

“Not as much as I thought I’d be,” he said honestly, glancing out of the kitchen window before he looked back at Calum again. The air was cool and fresh as it entered through the open window and the sun was shining high in the sky but it dimmed in comparison to the beauty of Michael’s face. “It’s a sunny day and the girls get to meet their grandparents... and I have you, Calum. What have I got to be worried about?”

“You’re so strong, Mikey,” Calum murmured and Michael’s eyes swam with tears as he laced their fingers together securely.

Maybe it was then that Calum realised he’d fallen in love.

 

**_I hope you remember._ **

 

Calum spent Sunday with his parents and Mali. Joy had been dropping hints for weeks that she’d like to have lunch with her children and Calum had suggested the date when Michael mentioned wanting to take his daughters to the cinema, and Calum had to admit that he was actually enjoying it a lot more than he thought he would.

It was nice to see Mali alone again too, since the two of them tended to be a lot more immature when they were with their parents. It didn’t matter how many times their mum rolled her eyes and said: “You’re both in your thirties now. Stop it.” They couldn’t help it.

Calum liked spending time with his family after so long.

Joy did roast pork with potatoes and vegetables that David had grown in the garden for lunch, and Calum loved it. He’d have to see about bringing Michael and the girls around here for dinner soon. He knew Joy and David would love them… He just needed to make sure his parents were okay with the idea of him and Michael first.

Fortunately, Calum didn’t have long to wait.

While Mali drew the short straw and had to admire the tomatoes David was growing in the garden, Calum helped his mum with the washing up.

They chatted about mundane things at first – the weather, work, whether Calum had any plans for the rest of the day – but the conversation came to a natural end and Calum soon found out why.

“I… I saw that newspaper article a few weeks ago, Calum.” Joy’s voice was carful and soft as she broached the subject hesitantly but it still took her only son a few moments to process what she was talking about. “I’m sorry that happened.”

“It’s the price we paid I guess,” Calum said but he couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t matter. The panic that had saturated Michael’s face when he first saw the article put pay to that. “We’re both alright now though. No harm done.”

Calum ignored the nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach because he hoped that statement would stay true.

“How… how _is_ Michael now?” Joy asked softly, her eyes worried as she finally set the last plate in the drying rack. Calum towelled it dry carefully but he could feel the relief on his face.

“He’s doing so well, mum,” the dark-haired man said and the smile that twisted his lips at those words was impossible to suppress. “I’m so proud of him. He… he’s amazing.”

Joy’s expression became vaguely knowing but there was still a faint trace of worry in her eyes as she cupped her son’s smooth cheek gently.

“I just want you to be happy, Calum,” she said, hesitating for a moment before she swallowed past her reservations and continued. “And… and if _he_ makes you happy then… then that’s all that matters. The past is in the past.”

“Mikey never did anything to apologise for, mum,” Calum said quietly but he sounded more tired than upset, like he had to say those words a lot to get people to believe him. “He never meant to hurt anyone.”

“He hurt _you_ ,” Joy whispered but her eyes were downcast. Calum’s heart skipped in his chest.

“I think I love him. No, I _know_ I do. I _love_ him, mum. He never meant it. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever met.”

Joy looked taken aback but a tiny smile touched her lips and Calum felt himself calm.

“Then I’m happy for you,” she repeated but this time it sounded like she meant it.

Calum relaxed further but his pulse was still thundering in his veins. The dark-haired man sighed softly, taking a deep calming breath as he put the last plate away in the cupboard.

“Mike’s got two daughters too, mum,” Calum said quietly, trying to change the subject now because the way his mum was looking at him made him feel too vulnerable. “They’re called Lily and Georgie. I told them about you. They want to meet you.”

Joy’s cheeks coloured at that but she looked very pleased with herself.

“Well, I’m sure I’d be agreeable to meeting them too,” she said but there was jubilance in her eyes now and Calum relaxed completely. They were finally in the clear.

Mali and David entered through the back door but Calum’s head was still reeling and he felt slightly dazed, like the knowledge that he’d finally fallen in love after all this time had stolen the breath from his lungs.

“I’m going to go at about three,” Calum said as he leant back against the kitchen counter. He felt slightly breathless in the kitchen and he figured maybe taking the dogs to the park might be a good idea. Calum had been paying someone to come round and take care of them whenever he was around Michael’s but he missed seeing them himself so today seemed as good a time as any.

“That’s not a bad idea actually,” David replied as he sat down at the kitchen table, angling a chair towards his children and wife. “Your mother’s taking me food shopping so you just saved me the trouble of trying to awkwardly make you leave later on.”

Mali laughed, rolling her eyes at their dad as Joy wiped the counter down with a cloth. Calum’s older sister quietened after a moment though.

“Tom’s out with his work colleagues tonight for some drink thing,” Mali pouted before her face fell slightly. “I don’t really fancy a night in by myself at the moment.”

Calum bit his lip before he shrugged. “Want to come have dinner at mine tonight? We can order pizza or something… and maybe we can take the dogs for a walk too if you like?”

“That would be really nice, Cal,” Mali said, giving her brother a relieved smile.

She was still smiling a few hours later when they finished clipping the leads on and led Calum’s three puppies out of the house into the late afternoon sunlight.

It was a hot day, the sun blazing golden in the deep blue sky. Mali was wearing a pale green sundress with her dyed blonde hair piled up on her head. Calum had changed into shorts and a vest. The pollen was tickling his throat.

“I love the sun,” Mali said, stretching her free arm out to feel the warm rays before she let out a startled laugh as Liquorice suddenly pulled on the lead, having got excited at the sight of a pigeon fluttering down from the trees nearby. “I still don’t think I’ve properly recovered from living in London for all those years. It was so damn _cold_!”

“I know it was,” Calum said with an easy smile, rolling his eyes at her as he tightened his grip on Coco and Sugar’s leads. “I remember.”

“Yes, I suppose you do,” Mali said but her chocolate brown eyes were soft as she nudged her brother lightly with her elbow. “You saw snow for the first time there, didn’t you?”

Calum nodded but he must have looked distracted because Mali bit her bottom lip lightly, fixing him with a curious look.

“What’re you thinking about?” she asked, glancing to make sure the coast was clear before they crossed the road, heading for the park.

“I saw Karen and Daryl Clifford yesterday,” Calum said quietly, trying to convince himself he was dwelling on that and _not_ on what he’d told his mum.

“Oh yeah?” Mali asked easily, looking over at him with interest. At their feet, the Labradors started wagging their tails even more excitedly when they realised they were heading towards the park. “How did it go?”

“It actually went really well,” Calum said and the relief colouring his tone was obvious as they entered the park gates. It was surprisingly quiet considering how sunny it was and Calum paused, letting himself bask in the peaceful atmosphere for a moment before he continued speaking. “Karen and Daryl absolutely fell in love with the girls, and they still seem to like me too so that’s good. They still love Michael so much… even he can see it.”

“I’m glad,” Mali said and she seemed to mean it. “What did you guys talk about? Was it awkward? It was _so_ awkward when I met Tom’s parents the first time.”

Calum allowed himself a soft laugh as he remembered that but his dark eyes were soft as they reached the bench.

“No, it… it was really nice to be honest. We talked about Mike’s job, the girls’ school… even Hi Or Hey Records,” Calum said and he let out a little bark of laughter. One of the puppies yapped back at him and Mali laughed delightedly. “It was so lovely though, Mali, honestly,” Calum said and the sincerity he felt must have shown on his face because she sobered slightly, even as a softer smile tugged at her lips. “Seeing Mike sitting there in the house he grew up in… it felt like watching the puzzle pieces falling into place, y’know? It was amazing.”

“I’m so happy for that,” Mali said softly but she bit her lip when Calum’s eyes suddenly seemed to grow wet. “What is it, Cal?” she murmured and he gave her a watery smile, his eyes still far away as he knelt to unclip the leads, letting the dogs run off to burn some energy.

“I just remembered something Karen said to me on our way out,” he said and Mali reached out instinctively to tangle her fingers with her younger brother’s. “She thanked me for looking after Michael… and I don’t know why but it nearly made me cry.”

Mali’s chocolate brown eyes were soft as she watched him. In the distance, the puppies were barking excitedly as they ran laps through the sun-parched grass.

“Are you _really_ saying that?” she asked quietly but she had to elaborate when he simply continued to look confused. “Are you _really_ saying that you don’t know why that meant so much to you?”

Calum’s cheeks heated with blood and he looked down as he kicked absently at the grass. The puppies were gradually calming now, coming closer since they’d tired themselves out. Mali had the three leads bundled up in her lap but her eyes were fixed on her brother.

“I told mum earlier,” Calum said but his voice came out little more than a whisper. Mali’s gaze was gentle.

“You told her what?” she prompted softly. Calum looked small as he slumped down on the warm bench, suddenly exhausted in the sunlight.

“I told her I thought I loved him, Mali,” Calum breathed and his voice was even quieter now as he let his head fall forwards, his hands rising almost of their own accord as his fingers tangled in his dark curls. “And I didn’t even realise it until today... or yesterday I suppose...”

“Yeah, well, you were always a little bit slow,” Mali teased but there was no cruelty in her voice. She poked his nose with her finger when he finally looked up at her, like she'd used to when they were little, and he managed to huff out a weak laugh that _almost_ touched his eyes.

“This isn’t something you have to be scared of, Cal,” Mali said quietly but her tone was serious. “Think about how you feel when you’re with Michael. Remember how you were when you were younger, back before things got hard… Hell, think about when things _were_ hard. You always had each other, didn’t you? You’ve _always_ loved each other I think.”

There was something twinkling in Mali’s dark eyes that kind of made Calum think that maybe she knew more than she was letting on but he let it go for now. She seemed to realise that he still needed more reassurance though and Mali didn’t disappoint.

“In those ten years after you almost lost Mikey… Cal, I don’t think you were ever _completely_ happy that whole time.” Mali looked sad for a moment before her lips pulled up into a smile again. “But these past few months? You look happier than I’ve ever seen. You _both_ do… and if that doesn’t tell you everything that you need to know, I don’t know what will.”

Calum’s shoulders slumped but there was a gentle smile tugging at his full lips now as he thought about Michael yesterday morning; with his glitter-soft emerald eyes and his golden eyelashes, with his silvery scars and the crinkles around his eyes, with his beautiful smile and his soft hands as he cuddled Calum close.

“Do you want to go home and order pizza now?” Mali suggested mildly and Calum nodded, giving her a wry smile. He felt lighter when he stood up.

“You can call the dogs over since you got to name them,” he said and Mali smirked at that, managing to make her tone sound smug as she shouted for the puppies across the park. The fond smile on Calum’s face kind of _hurt_ but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Judging by the happy relief on Mali’s face, she seemed to agree too.

The sun was burning lower in the sky now and the endless blue was dizzyingly beautiful as it stretched over them.

They were already more than halfway home when Calum accepted without a single trace of doubt in his mind that he was in love with Michael.

It didn’t feel frightening at all though.

It felt _right_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you thought as it really does mean the world <3
> 
> Although it's only an estimation, I think there's going to be around 6-7 updates left! I can't believe how fast the time's flown but I hope you'll stick around until the end - thank you all so much for reading this far :)


	20. Moments Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I can write short smut anymore. I just get ridiculously carried away but maybe you guys won't mind.  
> This chapter felt a very long time coming <3  
> (Ha. Haha. I'm so sorry.)
> 
> (Kori, thank you for helping me with the ideas for this update. I hope I did good.)

**_Today is never too late to be brand new._ **

 

Michael had had so many ideas about how he was going to tell Calum the first time.

He imagined taking him on a long walk to someplace beautiful and declaring it as they stood watching the tide come in together. He pictured taking Calum out for dinner somewhere and holding his hand over the table as he said those life-changing words for the first time.

Unfortunately, as Michael was now realising the older he got, life wasn’t actually like a film and plans didn’t tend to follow through, no matter the good intentions behind them. In the end, the words just came out… just exploded from Michael in a burst that he had no hope of controlling.

Calum had just dropped a pack of baby wipes on the floor in his haste to rush some into the bathroom for Lily and Michael was covered in Georgie’s leftover spaghetti bolognaise since she’d tipped whatever was left in the bowl all over his t-shirt, and Michael had snagged Calum’s wrist as the younger man was passing him and accidentally smeared tomato sauce there, and there must have been something different in Michael’s expression because Calum was watching him with wide eyes.

“What is it?” Calum murmured and Michael smiled like he was afraid.

“I love you, Cal,” Michael said quietly and his hands were trembling. There was a bit of chopped up spaghetti stuck to his front and bolognaise sauce smeared across his cheekbone. His golden hair was sticking up at the back where he’d been raking his fingers through it and Calum’s heart felt like it was melting in his chest. “I just thought you should know.”

Calum smiled and the dimples in his cheeks looked deep enough to fall into.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he promised and Michael’s heart felt like it was rising into his throat as his eyes brimmed with tears. He pressed his lips together hard, giving Calum a watery smile before the bit of spaghetti fell onto the floor and Lily started hollering for the baby wipes again.

“I’m going to kiss you later,” Calum decided, looking down at the mess of tomato sauce and the food smeared into Michael’s t-shirt. “For a long, long time…” Michael had a feeling Calum was talking about more than just tonight when Mali was babysitting the girls for them. “Okay, Mike?”

“Okay,” Michael breathed and the smile that touched his lips remained there for the rest of the day; when Michael put the washing machine on while Calum played with the girls in the garden; when Michael packed Georgie and Lily two bags to take with them for their sleepover at Mali’s; when Michael cooked gammon steaks, fried eggs and lattice potatoes for him and Calum to eat at dinnertime once the girls were gone.

“You looked so happy today,” Calum said softly as they sat next to each other on the sofa, trays of food balanced on their laps as their knees brushed together. Calum was sitting cross-legged like he used to when he was a little kid and Michael kept letting his head fall to rest on Calum’s shoulder whenever he took a break from his meal.

“So did you,” Michael said and his voice sounded soft in the quiet. There was a documentary about the rainforest playing on the television but neither of them were really paying it much attention anymore. Calum had long since finished his food and Michael was just spearing the last bit of potato on his fork now before he washed it down with his lemonade.

Calum took the tray from him carefully, piling their plates together and leaning to set them on the coffee table before he took the remote control, turning the television off. Michael watched Calum silently, his tongue darting out to wet his lips when he saw Calum swallow reflexively in the moments before he reached for his boyfriend.

“I love you,” Calum said quietly, looking mesmerised as Michael seemed to almost melt against him, his head falling onto Calum’s shoulder as the dark-haired man slipped his arm beneath Michael’s thighs, lifting him gently into his lap.

“I love you too, darling,” Michael murmured but he looked wonderstruck as he lay curled against his boyfriend’s chest, small pale hand fisting loosely in the soft wool of Calum’s jumper, his cheek rubbing against the material unconsciously like Georgie did sometimes when she was very sleepy.

“God, you’re so beautiful, sweetheart.” Calum’s voice was soft and slightly breathless but the strangest thing was that he seemed to _mean_ it. “You look like an angel,” he breathed, carding his long fingers gently through Michael’s golden hair as the smaller man’s emerald green eyes glittered up at him like jewels.

Calum seemed so sincere that Michael couldn’t even find it in himself to tease him and his hands were warm as he reached to stroke the back of Calum’s neck, drawing him down for a gentle kiss.

Michael’s cherry-red lips were soft and a little needy sound escaped him when Calum’s hand slipped down to cover his hip as the younger man deepened the kiss.

Calum had been drinking lemonade too. Michael could taste it on his tongue, could taste the sugary sweetness, the familiar tang and… and _god_ , Michael could kiss him forever.

His cheeks were stained red when Calum finally drew back, letting his forehead fall to rest against Michael’s as he inhaled shakily, a soft smile tugging at his full lips as he let his eyes flutter shut for a moment, long dark lashes fanning out on his cheeks.

Calum’s beauty took Michael’s breath away at moments like this.

“You go upstairs and get sorted, sweetheart,” Calum said gently, brushing his lips against Michael’s forehead. “I’ll just tidy up down here and then I’ll be right up after you.”

It felt like a promise, sent a little shiver of heat expanding in Michael’s stomach as he uncurled himself from Calum’s lap and got to his feet. He lingered in front of Calum for a moment, watching him with those gorgeous green eyes that the dark-haired man adored so much and… and there was something buried in them maybe… the smallest hint of uncertainty… like he felt vulnerable.

“I’ll be _right_ there,” Calum repeated softly, getting to his feet and dropping a tiny kiss onto the corner of Michael’s mouth. “Okay, Mikey? I promise.”

Michael gave a little nod of his head, glancing around the room one more time before he started up the stairs. He heard the familiar sounds of Calum carrying their trays into the kitchen, heard the splash of crockery in water as Calum washed their plates, heard the flick of the switch as the younger man plunged the room into darkness.

Michael’s stomach was filled with butterflies when he heard Calum climbing the stairs but the older man had gone into the bathroom to wash his hands and that was where he remained. Dimly, he realised he was gripping the edge of the sink far too hard but… but there was anxiety beginning to gnaw in his stomach now and he hated the thought that Calum might think Michael was upset because of _him_.

That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Michael was starting to feel sick because it wasn’t _dark_ this time. He could hear Calum switching the lamps on in their bedroom; he could see the warm glow of light in the reflection of the mirror because he hadn’t shut the bathroom door properly and… and that meant Calum would be able to _see_ Michael – see his scars and the way he looked… see everything Michael _hated_ about himself – and Michael wasn’t sure he could stand the thought of that.

“Mikey?” Calum called absently as he drew the curtains in their bedroom. The room was bathed in a gentle golden light and it looked oddly comforting as Calum smoothed the duvet down carefully. “Mike?”

Calum padded out onto the landing in his bare feet, hesitating outside the door which was slightly ajar before he settled his palm on the wood, pushing it open hesitantly.

Michael was standing in front of the sink, knuckles white with how tightly he was gripping it. He was gazing at his reflection and it might have been a glare on his face if there hadn’t been tears pooling in his lovely eyes.

“Oh, Mikey,” Calum breathed and he couldn’t resist pulling Michael into his arms, fighting to suppress his sadness when Michael jerked in shock in the moments before he caught Calum’s gaze in the mirror, looking up at him with tears in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” Calum murmured as he wrapped one arm gently around Michael’s waist, keeping the other looped around his chest. Calum kissed Michael’s shoulder gently through the sweatshirt he was wearing. Michael’s hands felt cold when they rose to stroke Calum’s forearm lightly and he was trembling a little bit, like maybe he’d been standing up there staring at himself the whole time.

“You’re _beautiful_ ,” Calum repeated but all of the insecurities were showing on Michael’s face now and it kind of hurt to see… made Calum want to kiss all of his pain away because he cared about him so much… because he _loved_ him.

“This… this didn’t bother you before?” Calum asked hesitantly, afraid that he’d made Michael feel uncomfortable but keen to clear the air now so that Michael wouldn’t have to feel so uneasy about it again. The smaller man turned in his arms, wrapping his own arms tightly around Calum like he was afraid of letting go.

“It was dark the first time… and then we were under the duvet,” Michael whispered but the timid look on his face hurt and Calum couldn’t help it when he cupped Michael’s cheeks gently, catching his boyfriend’s cherry-red lips in a warm kiss.

“You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, sweetheart,” Calum said quietly when he drew back, still cradling Michael’s face gently in his hands. “I’d never expect anything, I promise.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” the golden-haired man said but his eyes fell and he looked upset with himself. “I want to go all the way with you,” Michael breathed but he was blinking hard like his eyes were burning with tears again. One escaped, gliding down his cheek without his permission. “But I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?” Calum asked in a hushed voice, sounding slightly choked due to the lump rising in his throat. Michael gave a tiny self-deprecating laugh.

“Scared you’ll leave if you see what I look like,” Michael muttered scathingly but his bottom lip was wobbling now and it looked bloodless when Michael bit down on it. “I know it’s dumb.”

Calum freed Michael’s lip gently with his thumb, pressing a tiny fleeting kiss there.

“I’m never going to leave you, Michael,” Calum swore but he looked like he was on the verge of tears when he saw himself in the mirror. “Not ever. Not unless you asked me.”

“I wouldn’t ever ask you that,” Michael said, looking at Calum like he was quite insane. Calum managed a wan smile as he pressed a gentle kiss to Michael’s cheek.

“Then I won’t leave,” he said simply before he suddenly gave a tiny snort, making Michael frown at him. “I sound like Nanny McPhee.”

“You idiot,” Michael mumbled but he hid his smile in Calum’s neck, pressing a warm kiss to the skin there before he shivered, clinging to him tighter. “Can we go into the bedroom now please? I’m freezing.”

“I think we can manage that for you,” Calum said with a soft smile, reaching out to lace his fingers carefully with Michael’s as he led his boyfriend into the bedroom. Michael didn’t let go of his hand the whole time but he tightened his grip fractionally when he saw the relative brightness of the room.

“Cal, I’m not –”

“ _Michael_ ,” Calum said and he looked so gentle as he gazed down at him that Michael fell silent, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth worriedly as he watched Calum with watery eyes. “You’re beautiful and wonderful and gorgeous, and you’re _mine_... and I love you, okay? I _love_ you. Nothing you’re hiding under your clothes is going to change that, sweetheart. _Nothing_.”

Michael hesitated, taking a deep breath before he nodded, apparently trying hard to distract himself.

“What if I had a tail?” he mumbled and Calum started laughing, wrapping his arms around Michael’s shoulders for a moment as he pulled him into a tight hug.

“Even then,” Calum said seriously but he was still smiling because _fuck_ , he loved Michael so much.

The golden-haired man smiled faintly at him but he looked frightened as he stepped back, reaching for the hem of his sweatshirt. Calum caught his arm gently and Michael’s hands fell to rest limply by his sides.

“Let me,” Calum whispered and Michael’s cheeks flamed as he sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. Calum knelt down on the carpet in front of him, dropping a kiss onto Michael’s hand before he reached to carefully rid the older man of his sweatshirt.

Michael seemed to shrink in on himself when it had been removed and Calum straightened immediately, pushing Michael lightly down onto his back and smiling when the older man struggled back towards the pillows so that he wasn’t liable to fall off the bed.

“I always knew you were beautiful,” Calum said. His hands were warm as he rubbed Michael’s shoulders gently and his full lips were so soft when he dropped his head to trail kisses over the golden-haired man’s chest. “So, _so_ beautiful. You’re breath-taking.”

Calum stroked his fingertips lightly over the scars lining Michael’s wrists as his lips brushed the ones on Michael’s stomach. The muscles tensed as Calum kissed him there and the dark-haired man felt relief washing over him; he’d hoped that would happen, hoped he’d be able to kiss Michael until he felt happy and wanted and _loved_.

Calum was on the point of reaching to remove Michael’s jeans when he realised that maybe that would make his boyfriend feel insecure again, especially if he was the only one undressed and Calum was just _looking_ at him… drinking him in like he could never, _ever_ get enough.

“My turn?” Calum guessed and Michael’s full lips tugged up into a faint smile as he pulled Calum down on top of him which, sure, probably _wouldn’t_ make it any easier to remove their clothes but at least they were pressed up warmly against each other now.

“I love you,” Michael mumbled as he tugged at Calum’s jumper clumsily, helping him out of it before he discarded it on the carpet. Calum’s tanned skin smelt clean and comforting, and Michael wanted him closer suddenly, tightened his grip on Calum’s hips and pulled him down so that he could kiss his throat. Calum’s breath escaped him in a little hiss of air when Michael’s fingertips traced lightly over the tensed muscles of the dark-haired man’s abdomen and Michael looked ridiculously pleased with himself when he felt Calum beginning to harden in his trousers.

“You first,” Calum murmured, reaching for the button of Michael’s jeans and easing them gently down his hips. The scars on Michael’s thighs were deeper than the others but Calum refused to dwell on the sadness of them, instead focusing on the fact that Michael was still there with him, strong enough to survive.

Michael’s jeans fell to the floor and Calum wriggled out of his own without prompting before he climbed back onto the bed again, kneeling down beside his boyfriend and stroking his golden hair gently away from his forehead. When Michael seemed content to simply watch him, Calum moved back down, starting to kiss his scars again. He brushed his lips up and down Michael’s arms, across his stomach, over his thighs.

“What’re you doing?” Michael asked but there was a faint hint of amusement colouring his tone now, mixed with fondness and _love_ , and Calum knew in that moment that they were going to be okay.

“I’m kissing every part of you that I love,” the younger man told him, giving Michael the playful smile that had made him fall in love with him all those years ago.

A tiny gasp escaped Michael at those words and he melted against the clean sheets, spreading out as a content sigh escaped him when Calum focused on his stomach instead, pressing hot open-mouthed kisses to every place that made Michael’s breath catch in his throat. There were goosebumps crawling across his skin now and Michael shuddered when Calum’s hot breath washed over him because it made his cock twitch in his boxers, hardening as he thought about what was yet to come.

Michael was pliant beneath him, calmer than Calum had ever seen him as he lay there, stroking soothing circles into Calum’s broad shoulders as he watched him, his eyes little more than slivers of beautiful emerald green sparkling beneath tear-wet lashes.

Calum stretched up to kiss Michael’s neck, even as he reached down to rub the heel of his palm against where the golden-haired man was hard and leaking in his boxers.

It tore a whimper out of Michael, made him arch his back as he jerked his hips desperately into Calum’s palm, chasing the contact. Calum’s smile was soft in the lamplight as he gazed at his boyfriend, taking in his kiss-bitten lips and the tiny unconscious rolls of his hips as the tip of his flushed cock pressed against the edge of his boxers. Calum eased them down carefully and Michael watched him with dark eyes, chest heaving now as he drew his red bottom lip into his mouth.

Calum sucked on Michael’s nipple when he reached down to wrap his fingers around Michael and his boyfriend’s cock pulsed in his hand as a moan escaped him. Michael’s trembling thighs fell apart to make room for Calum between them and the dark-haired man settled down over him at once.

He reached for Michael’s other nipple with his free hand, lightly pinching and squeezing until the golden-haired man was writhing in the sheets, whimpering and pressing up into the contact as his cock leaked pre-cum. Michael was the most beautiful mess Calum had ever seen and the dark-haired man couldn’t wait to see how much better it would get.

Calum fisted Michael slowly, teasingly, able to ignore his own arousal because looking at Michael’s blown pupils as his lips fell open made it worth it. Calum only let go when Michael’s hips started to jerk and the moans leaving him increased in volume because Calum knew the warnings signs now, a fact that _thrilled_ him.

“You want my fingers now, sweetheart?” Calum asked softly and Michael’s green eyes flashed to his face as his cherry-red lips parted around a moan.

“ _Please_ ,” Michael begged raggedly but his breath was rasping in his chest and Calum frowned faintly, simply focusing on kissing his boyfriend calm again before he even _thought_ about reaching for the lube.

Michael was too important. Calum would do everything he could to keep him safe.

“Darling, please,” Michael begged again but he sounded a little calmer now and Calum relaxed as he leant to press a light kiss to Michael’s jaw.

“Of course,” Calum promised, stretching to rifle through the drawers of the bedside table before he found the bottle of lube Michael had in there. It was running pretty low actually and Calum raised an eyebrow as he glanced back at Michael, smirking slightly when he saw how red and sheepish his boyfriend looked.

“Posh wank?” Calum asked innocently and Michael gave his shoulder a weak shove.

“Not quite, you fucker,” he mumbled but there was something defensive in his tone, even as he curled his fingers into the sheets. Calum felt heat wash over him as something suddenly occurred to him.

“ _Shit_ , Mikey,” he groaned and his chocolate brown eyes were darker than ever now as he gazed down at Michael like he was all he’d ever wanted. “You finger yourself?”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, and Calum groaned as his cock hardened further where it was hanging heavy and flushed between his legs. “Think about you doing it. All the time.”

Calum actually moaned at that and Michael looked smug, even as he eyed Calum’s fingers impatiently, spreading his legs further and watching his boyfriend with dark eyes.

Even after that confession, Michael still somehow looked sweet as he lay there, head resting on the duvet, golden hair sticking up messily just like always as his fingertips pressed into Calum’s muscled shoulders.

“ _Please_ , Cal,” Michael whispered against his lips and the dark-haired man kissed him gently as he slicked his fingers up with the lube. Michael was panting a little, his darkened eyes sparkling as he made a needy impatient sound in the back of his throat, but the waiting seemed to be worth it when Calum finally stroked his fingertip over Michael’s hole.

Michael’s breath was torn out of him in a whine that quickly became a moan when Calum pressed the tip in and the dark-haired man swore softly when he felt Michael clenching down around him. The older man was rolling his hips back almost unconsciously as he lay there fisting the sheets, apparently desperate for more inside him.

“Sweetheart, you’re incredible,” Calum breathed but his chocolate brown eyes were fixed on Michael’s face as the golden-haired man squeezed his eyes tightly shut, eyelashes fluttering against his pale skin as his mouth fell open around a moan when Calum’s finger sank in all the way.

Calum stayed still, waiting for Michael to adjust to the feeling before the older man gave him a jerky nod and Calum started to gently thrust his finger. Michael’s cock looked achingly hard now as it leaked pre-cum onto his stomach but Calum avoided touching it for now, instead raising his hand to card his fingers gently through his boyfriend’s soft hair.

Michael’s eyes opened but the green was almost gone now and he was panting again as Calum’s finger slipped in more easily; the older man was biting his lip like the friction and the pressure were making his head swim.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael whimpered and Calum leant to kiss him, licking at the seal of Michael’s lips and stroking his tongue lightly against his boyfriend’s. It made Michael moan, made him flutter around Calum’s finger and the dark-haired man could barely suppress his smile when he reached to give Michael’s cock a brief stroke.

“ _Fuck_ ,” the golden-haired man gasped, shuddering as he lost himself in the sensation. Calum’s finger was gliding now and he knew Michael was ready to take another, saw it in the way he bit at his lip as he watched Calum with desperate hope making his beautiful eyes sparkle.

“I’m gonna take care of you,” Calum promised but his voice was thick with lust now and it sent sparks shooting down to Michael’s leaking cock as Calum carefully eased his finger out to apply more lube.

Michael groaned when Calum didn’t push them in straight away, simply stroking the pads of them across the overheated skin as Michael’s hips jerked at the contact.

“Stop teasing me –” he began but the words were barely out of his mouth when Calum pressed them into Michael’s soft pink hole, stretching and scissoring as a high-pitched whine tore out of the smaller man. Michael was so vocal during sex and Calum was actually in love with it.

“God, you’re so hot, Mikey,” Calum said but his breath caught in his throat, reflecting for the first time how turned on he was too. Michael’s expression was vaguely knowing in the moments before Calum found his prostate and Michael began to fall apart.

The moans falling from his lips grew louder and it was shockingly hot; Calum could get off on this, watching his boyfriend’s self-control crumbling.

Michael arched his back and Calum leant to suck on his nipple again, grazing his teeth lightly against it before he drew back to blow on the sensitive skin, making Michael moan louder.

“ _Another_ ,” the older man gasped out as his hips jerked back, and he looked so beautiful that Calum felt like he was coming apart at the seams almost, watching Michael melt as his lust bubbled inside him like molten lava.

Calum withdrew his fingers carefully and Michael whimpered at the loss, lying there flat on his back as he watched Calum with the lube. Michael’s hand was halfway towards his cock before he hesitated, tilting his flushed face to one side questioningly as he gasped out a desperate: “Can I?”

“No,” Calum said, making Michael’s eyes swim with tears. Calum was worried he’d done the wrong thing but then a moan tore out of Michael as he fisted his hands tightly in the sheets, and Calum figured that maybe he’d been right after all.

“You ready?” Calum asked softly, stroking the pads of three of his fingers over Michael’s hole. The golden-haired man looked so wrecked now, panting as a blush the colour of roses spread down his chest and his cock flushed an angry red where it lay thickly atop his pale stomach.

God, Michael was beautiful.

Calum couldn’t wait to be inside him.

“Please,” Michael gasped and his eyes were beseeching as he gazed at his boyfriend, biting down on his cherry-red lip and pressing his head back into the pillows hard when Calum did as he asked.

Michael was so hot inside, velvety almost as he clenched instinctively around Calum’s fingers, apparently wanting them deeper and… and Calum could do that for him… so he did.

Michael cried out when Calum’s fingers brushed his prostate again and the tears were leaking down his blotchy cheeks relentlessly now as Calum finally took pity on him, wrapping his fingers around Michael’s thick cock and smoothing his thumb over the pre-cum welling in the slit as he leant to suck a tiny bruise into Michael’s collarbone. The golden-haired man was almost sobbing now but his breath caught when he felt Calum’s teeth lightly scraping his skin and a whimper escaped him when Calum’s tongue washed hotly over it afterwards.

 _Damn_ , Calum loved this; loved the little broken moans pouring out of Michael as the dark-haired man stroked his fingers deep inside him, opening Michael up and getting him ready to take his cock.

Michael clenched down around Calum’s fingers again and he closed his eyes for a moment when his cock throbbed against his stomach.

“Cal,” Michael mumbled and he looked beside himself now as he tossed his head back again, exposing his throat for his boyfriend to trail kisses down. “Cal, I’m ready.”

Michael’s cheeks were hot when Calum stroked his face gently but he still leant into the touch, pressing his cheek into his boyfriend’s palm as he gasped in a ragged breath. Calum leant in to kiss him calm again.

“Please,” Michael breathed, licking at Calum’s bottom lip and swallowing the younger man’s surprised moan in another heated kiss. “ _Please_ , Cal. I need you.”

Calum reached to get a condom from the drawer of the bedside table but he hesitated before rolling it on, reaching to cradle Michael’s face gently in both hands instead.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Calum whispered, kissing his forehead gently before he stroked Michael’s golden hair back from his face. “So, _so_ much.”

“I love you too,” Michael breathed but he was clenching down around nothing – Calum could _see_ it – and neither wanted to wait any longer.

“I’ve got you, Mikey,” Calum whispered but his voice was even rougher once he’d rolled the condom on and fisted himself until his achingly hard cock was slick with lube. “Hold onto me, sweetheart.”

Michael wrapped his tattooed, scarred arms around Calum’s shoulders securely and the dark-haired man kissed Michael on the nose to make him smile as Calum lined himself up.

“Ready?” the younger man checked, biting back a moan when the tip of his cock brushed against Michael because even that little curl of heat sent the fire burning brighter in his stomach. Calum was so, _so_ hard now and his chest was heaving as Michael smoothed his hands down Calum’s back comfortingly.

“ _Yeah_.” Michael sounded drunk on lust as he lay there and Calum kissed him again, sucking at his bottom lip until Michael moaned. “Cal, c'mon,” the older man urged desperately and Calum began to push into his tight heat.

Michael cried out as Calum sank in, his fingers digging into the muscle as his hips jerked uselessly, struggling to get used to such an intrusion after so long. Calum closed his eyes for a moment, struggling not to cum there and then before he came to his senses, reaching to grip Michael’s cock firmly in his fist. Calum rubbed his thumb over the slit and Michael’s broken moans sounded strangled as he clenched down tightly around his boyfriend.

Calum grunted, fighting to stay still as he stroked Michael’s hair and peppered his face with kisses. Michael’s face was flushed red and he was biting at his bottom lip again as he lay there, breath rasping out of him in time with the movement of Calum’s fist, stomach muscles fluttering when Calum shifted by mistake, pushing himself deeper.

A broken moan left Michael and his fingertips pressed into Calum’s shoulders more tightly. He’d probably leave bruises but Calum couldn’t have cared less in that moment. They would just be one more reminder that this was really happening.

“Please… _move_ ,” Michael begged raggedly, pushing back against him as his hands fell to grip the dark-haired man’s hips. That was all Calum needed.

He pulled out carefully, pressing his lips hard together to keep from moaning as he thrust back in just as gently. The heat was coiling so fiercely in Calum’s stomach that his chest felt tight as his cock sank deeper.

It felt incredible and Calum’s dark curls were sticking to his sweaty forehead as he stroked his boyfriend’s shoulders with shaky hands.

“You feel _so_ good,” Michael gasped out, squeezing his eyes tightly shut for a moment at the feeling of Calum’s cock sliding inside him.

“So do you,” Calum promised, dropping a soft kiss onto Michael’s cherry-red lips as he panted. Tiny little moans kept tearing out of him whenever Calum thrust in and Michael’s cheeks were flaming now as a tiny trace of his vulnerability from earlier surfaced on his face.

“I sound stupid,” Michael gasped out, turning his head a little like he was trying to hide his face in the pillows. Calum was _definitely_ not having that.

“You sound _sexy_ ,” Calum corrected breathlessly, his tone reassuring and… and he might have been blushing like the lamest person ever but Michael was staring at him with those wide, stunned eyes again and he was just so fucking _beautiful_ and… God, he was all _Calum’s_.

“It’s hot. You’re fucking _perfect_ ,” the dark-haired man promised, trailing kisses across Michael’s jaw before he pulled out gently and thrust back in again, the sudden pleasure taking them both by surprise. Michael’s jaw fell slack and he was moaning again but one of his arms moved across his body, like he was trying to hide himself maybe and… and damnit, Calum just wanted him to enjoy himself, to feel loved... to be _happy_.

Calum slid his arms carefully between Michael’s back and the sheets, cuddling his boyfriend close as they continued to rock against each other. Michael clung to Calum's broad shoulders, pressing gentle kisses to the younger man’s throat as he buried his whimpers and cries into Calum’s damp skin.

Michael wrapped his legs tightly around Calum’s waist, wanting him deeper, but the dark-haired man was so _gentle_ as he buried himself inside Michael again and again, lifting the golden-haired man with an arm wrapped carefully around him to hold him closer. Calum’s cock brushed Michael’s prostate and the cries leaving the older man now were saturated with so much pleasure that Calum didn’t worry about how close he was. He could tell that Michael was in exactly the same state.

One of Calum’s hands slipped up to cup Michael’s cheek again and the older man looked so overwhelmed as Calum thrust into him gently, raising his boyfriend's hips further so that he hit Michael’s prostate straight on, making him moan as his cock shot out a spurt of pre-cum.

“Wanted this,” Michael breathed, eyes falling shut to show soft lavender lids as his hips rocked back to meet Calum’s. “For so long.”

Michael looked even more like an angel now; like a sweaty, fucked out angel filled with Calum’s cock and… and _fuck_ , Calum wasn’t going to last another minute.

Judging by the desperate pants tearing out of Michael as his hard cock leaked pre-cum between the warm press of their stomachs though, neither was he.

Calum could never get enough of this; of reassuring and kissing and cuddling and _loving_ Michael. Calum felt like the luckiest man in the world.

“ _Mike_ ,” Calum gasped out and he sounded urgent now as the movement of his hips sped up. “Fuck, fuck, fuck… _Mikey_. Fuck, Mikey, I love you. _Fuck_.” Calum didn’t really know what he was saying anymore but Michael was gazing up at his boyfriend with starry eyes as he cupped Calum’s cheeks gently. Michael felt the dark-haired man’s smile against his lips when Calum kissed him and a whine escaped Michael when Calum reached down between them with his free hand to wrap his fingers around the scorching heat of Michael’s cock.

Calum only had to fist him a few times before Michael lost it. His hips jerked at the friction and he shuddered as a loud whine tore out of him, and then he was pumping cum across both of their stomachs and sobbing into Calum’s neck as he clenched down hard around him, and that was it.

Calum was done.

The heat in his stomach seemed to drop and it felt like a supernova collapsing inside him almost, felt like everything the pair of them had ever been through had been leading up to this moment and… and gazing down at Michael when their eyes finally fluttered open as they struggled to catch their breath afterwards… it was fucking _magic_.

“I love you so much, Calum,” Michael said but he sounded breathless as he lay there beneath him, sticky and sweaty and probably sorely in need of a shower. He let his eyes fall shut when Calum carefully eased out but there was a beautiful smile tugging at his cherry-red lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Calum hid his smile in the damp skin of Michael’s neck, pressing a kiss there.

“I love you too,” he murmured and Michael’s hands weren’t trembling anymore. They were steady and calm, and Calum felt so safe wrapped in his arms; he hoped this was how Michael felt when Calum held _him_ instead. “You’re beautiful and I’m so lucky to have you... even if you _don't_ have a tail like you promised.”

Michael blushed but he was smiling again now – _properly_ – in a way Calum hadn’t seen in years and the soft bubble of laughter that escaped him made the younger man's heart swell in his chest.

Michael's smile was gleaming and his hair was burnished gold beneath Calum’s palms and… and fuck, they’d done it.

They’d _finally_ done it.

Michael was shining again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading guys!  
> Please let me know what you thought <3
> 
> Also I feel like I need to give you all a heads up - there's like _one_ more little angsty bit left in this fic but, other than that, it's all onwards and upwards now!  
>  They can finally be totally happy soon I'm so fucking angsty about this wow <3


	21. Fear Leant Him Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, this is a pretty horrible chapter (well, the second half is. I hope the first half is just fluffy and cute.)  
> On the upside though, this should be the last properly angsty chapter of this fic.  
> Fingers crossed you guys will like it!
> 
> Trigger warnings for blood, violence, hate crime.

**_It's alright, just wait and see._ **

 

“Bro, you look so happy!”

Those were the first words out of Jack’s mouth when Michael drove to pick him up from the hotel he was staying in.

Michael’s cheeks heated but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“I am,” he said and he was kind of grinning now. Jack looked jubilant. “It’s my family’s fault.”

‘ _Calum’s part of my **family**_ ,’ Michael thought and his smile grew until his face felt like it was going to crack.

The guitarist had flown over to stay in Sydney for a few days – he insisted he’d only come over because he had a friend in New Zealand who he was flying to visit afterwards but Michael had his suspicions that the older man _actually_ just wanted to meet Lily and Georgie properly (and this was confirmed when Jack’s face fell upon discovering that they weren’t in the back of the car).

“Calum’s helping them get ready while I pick you up,” Michael said knowingly and Jack grinned, slumping back in the passenger seat of Michael’s car as his eyes slid shut. He looked jetlagged but he was still smiling.

“They were, like, ridiculously cute on that Skype call,” he said and Michael smiled softly at that, punching Jack lightly on the shoulder while they waited at the traffic lights.

“They’re looking forward to meeting you,” he said and Jack’s dark eyes opened. “They know we were good friends when I was young. Couldn’t exactly tell them any _stories_ because it seems like everything we ever did was wildly inappropriate but last night I showed them a video of when you let me play onstage with you guys once.”

“You did?” Jack asked softly and there was no judgement at all in his tone when he said: “I thought you didn’t like thinking about the past.”

Michael tightened his grip fractionally on the steering wheel but his breathing remained calm.

“Not all of it was bad,” he said quietly and Jack was still smiling when Michael parked outside his house.

“Now, not to alarm you but… they’re a little bit excited,” Michael warned when Jack climbed out of the car, following Michael up to the front door. A tiny hand slammed against the glass on the other side like something from a bad horror movie and Michael heard Calum laughing from inside.

“ _How_ excited?” Jack asked warily but Michael would have to have been blind to miss the amusement buried in his eyes.

Ten minutes later and Jack had become a human climbing frame. Georgie had already plastered herself to his side like a monkey with her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders and even Lily seemed oddly taken, gripping a handful of his sleeve tightly in her fist as she tugged him (and, by extension, her little sister) over to the toy box to show him her princess dolls and Georgie’s race cars.

“That one’s nice, Lily,” Jack said seriously as he sat down cross-legged on the floor, making Georgie and Lily giggle. “I like her purple dress. Which car’s your favourite, Georgie?”

“The red one,” she decided, reaching for it with her tiny hand and beaming when Jack passed the wrong one to her on purpose. “No! That’s green, silly!” she yelled but she was giggling into his shoulder. Lily went bright red when he smiled at her.

Calum laughed from his place on the sofa, letting his head fall to rest gently on Michael’s shoulder, his dark fluffy curls tickling Michael’s cheek.

“The princesses are smitten with him,” he teased and Michael’s smile hurt his cheeks again.

“I know,” he said, and then: “I love you, Calum.”

Calum looked up at him with his sparkling chocolate brown eyes, confused but content as his hand rose to cup Michael’s cheek gently.

“I love you too, Mikey,” he promised.

Jack seemed to be in his element which was pretty sweet and the girls absolutely _loved_ him. Lily pouted when Michael made her come and sit down so that Jack could drink his coffee in peace but Georgie looked like she was going to _cry_.

“I think you might have two extra passengers on the way back to America,” Michael teased and the girls looked momentarily panic-stricken at the thought of leaving him which was flattering. Calum rolled his eyes, nudging Michael in the ribs.

“Daddy doesn’t mean it,” he promised Georgie and Lily, and the sweetness of the moment was ruined by Jack doing this creepily suggestive thing with his eyebrows that made Michael splutter into his tea.

“You couldn’t be more wrong,” he said instantly and Calum started laughing. Jack grimaced but he had to hide his smile behind the rim of his mug. The girls just looked confused, thank _god_. “Now let’s just leave it at that,” Michael said.

“Alright,” Jack said slowly but his eyes were twinkling and Michael made a mental note to accidentally-on-purpose knee him somewhere later. Apparently he decided to be merciful for the sake of the children. “So… did you guys want to go out to get lunch today or…?”

“I like fish finger sandwiches with ketchup,” Georgie said immediately and Jack’s face split into a grin.

“Hey, so do I!” he said and she high-fived him, looking extremely pleased with herself.

“Can we show you our bedroom after lunch?” Lily asked Jack as she sat beside him on the carpet, combing her Barbie doll’s hair with so much force that it looked like it was in danger of losing its head sometime in the near future. “We have pink fairy lights in there.”

“And we have _beds_ ,” Georgie said smugly with her cross little face. She looked offended when all of the adults laughed at her.

“Beds are very important in a bedroom,” Jack agreed when he sobered and Georgie nodded in agreement. The guitarist smiled when she climbed onto his lap and he started laughing when she took his face in her tiny hands, studying him intently.

“We watched you on the computer last night,” she said. Jack’s expression softened as his eyes slid over to Michael and Calum briefly before settling on Georgie again. “You played your guitar. It was good. Your hair was silly though. I want mine like it but daddy said no.”

“You’d look very punk rock,” Jack said, suppressing his smile as she fixed him with a hard stare before patting his stubbly cheek firmly.

“Where are the rest of you?” Georgie demanded after a moment, looking around like she expected the other members of All Time Low to jump out from behind the sofa.

“My band?” Jack asked and she rolled her eyes in this scathing way that seemed to remind Jack of Michael if the way he started laughing again was any indication. “They’re back in America, at home,” he said before he suddenly looked up at Michael and Calum excitedly.

“What is it?” Calum asked curiously. Even Lily looked up, putting her doll down and watching Jack curiously as she wriggled backwards until she was resting against Michael’s legs. He reached down to stroke her hair gently.

“We’re playing a show over here for the music awards in a couple of months,” Jack said and Michael’s heart quickened in his chest as he read between the lines. Before he could voice his thoughts though, Jack continued. “And we were talking about it a few days ago, before I flew out here… and Alex and Rian and Zack… well, they’d really like to see you guys again. They’ve missed you.”

Michael had to blink back tears when Calum pulled him into a tight hug. The older man clung to him, fisting his hands tightly in the back of Calum’s sweatshirt as Jack kindly distracted the girls by making one of the Barbies turn into a character from _Attack on Titan_ as it stole one of Georgie’s cars and ran over to hide under the coffee table.

“That would be really nice, man,” Michael said and Jack grinned from where he’d been rugby tackled onto the carpet. Lily was clutching her Barbie doll protectively like she was frightened for its wellbeing and Georgie was ‘tickling’ Jack which roughly translated to ‘ _digging you in the ribs with my fingers really hard until you pretend to start laughing_ ’.

“We should probably save Jack,” Michael said and Calum laughed softly.

“Or we could just see if he can escape on his own,” the younger man suggested. "I mean, he _did_ steal both of your children's toys."

Michael’s emerald green eyes were twinkling as he pulled away to give Calum’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

Behind them, Jack pretended to start laughing.

Georgie looked triumphant.

 

**_Your string of lights is still bright to me._ **

 

Calum felt uneasy when he left Mali and Tom’s house that night.

It was already dark and the moon was mostly hidden behind the clouds. He’d gone round to see his sister and her boyfriend for the evening, and he’d had a nice time, content in the knowledge that Michael was happy with his daughters visiting his parents and Calum could go home to him later.

There was no _reason_ for him to feel so worried.

Calum couldn’t help it though. The hairs on the back of his neck were rising and his heart was pounding in his chest as his stomach churned with nerves.

He’d felt a little bit worried all day if he was being honest with himself and that definitely hadn’t been helped by there being another article published about his relationship with Michael in the papers. He didn’t understand why they didn’t have anything better to write about but he was trying to be brave about it.

Calum’s thoughts were roaring in his head as he walked home and maybe _that_ was why it took him so long to realise that someone was following him.

Calum fought not to look back but he caught a glimpse of them as he turned a corner; younger than him, short hair, dark jacket, beer bottle gripped loosely in their hand.

‘ _Shit. I’m in trouble._ ’

Calum quickened his pace and the figure behind him did too, like they knew he was onto them.

“Hey! You’re Calum Hood, right?” the stranger called and Calum’s step faltered. He was still ten minutes from home, far enough away that he couldn’t run without being uncertain whether he was leading them back to Michael and the girls or not.

Mali’s house was closer but Calum couldn’t exactly go there because then he’d have to walk _past_ the stranger.

“What do you want?!” Calum asked and he didn’t mean for it to sound so defensive but his lungs felt like they were full of lead in his chest. He inhaled raggedly when he saw the screwed-up newspaper clenched in the stranger’s other hand.

“I only want to talk to you!” the shadowy figure said as their fingers tightened around the glass bottle.

Calum turned to face them.

Everything was a blur after that.

It felt like watching a film almost, like observing the events as they happened to someone else: the bottle catching the glow of the streetlight and the sickening crunch of Calum’s nose breaking as his hands flew up to protect his face from further harm; the hatred twisting the stranger’s expression and Calum’s palms grating on the pavement when he started to run so desperately that he almost his footing; the breath rasping out of his lungs, and the blood running down his face and trickling down his throat as he fought not to gag; the stranger falling behind as Calum’s fear leant him wings; the adrenaline burning so brightly in his system that Calum didn’t even feel the _pain_ until the house came into sight and he spied Michael sitting on the sofa through the living room window.

A broken sob clawed its way out of Calum’s throat and he staggered into the front door, scraping his knuckles on the wood and flinching when a car drove past outside.

Michael opened the door after a few moments and his smile fell away like someone had washed it from his face with icy water.

“Calum?” Michael’s voice was tight and frightened, and Calum wanted to reach for him but his hands were covered in blood and his legs felt weak now that the adrenaline had faded. Another sob escaped him. “ _Fuck_! I don't - come inside. Let me lock the door and…”

Michael seemed to know that this was more than just an accident and Calum almost cried with relief when Michael hurried into the living room to pull the curtains shut.

He was back at Calum’s side in an instant, taking his elbow gently and leading him into the kitchen so that he could sit down at the table.

“The girls are already in bed. You don’t have to worry about them,” Michael said quietly when he saw Calum looking apprehensively towards the living room. A shudder tore through Calum but he pinched his nose, fighting not to gag when he tasted blood again. His eyes were panicked though and Michael seemed to be taking a deep, calming breath before he leant closer in his seat.

“Lean forwards, darling,” he whispered, cupping Calum’s overheated cheek gently in his cool hand as the younger man did what he was asked. “Breathe through your mouth. It’ll help.”

“ _Hurts_ ,” Calum groaned as the blood ran down his chin and Michael’s face crumpled. “ _Sorry_ ,” the younger man breathed and Michael’s emerald green eyes were swimming with tears as his hand fell to squeeze Calum’s knee gently.

“Darling, what _happened_?” Michael asked brokenly and Calum swallowed past the sobs building in his throat as he looked at the pain twisting Michael’s beautiful face.

“There… there was this guy… on the way back from Mali’s,” Calum answered breathlessly after a long moment, wrapping one of his arms tightly around himself and leaving bloody fingerprints on his sleeve as his eyes flickered anxiously over to the black night sky outside the kitchen window. Michael hurriedly rose to close the blinds and Calum slumped back in the chair as a tear rolled down his cheek, sliding through the blood.

“Why did he…?” Michael began but Calum’s gaze settled on the newspaper lying on the table and Michael’s eyes flooded with angry tears as he bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep his sobs in. “Why can’t they just leave us _alone_?!”

Michael’s green eyes got big and wide when the dark-haired man’s hand fell hesitantly from his face, and Calum wondered what his expression looked like.

“Why do they have to hurt _you_?” Michael whispered, head hanging forwards like he couldn't stand it anymore.

“He hated me so _much_ ," Calum breathed, keeping his voice soft so that it wouldn't have a chance to break again. "I could _see_ it, Mikey, but… but he didn’t even _know_ me.”

Michael looked like he didn’t even know what to say, like all of his worst fears were coming true. Calum swallowed against the bile rising in his throat when he remembered some of the comments Michael used to get about the possibility of him liking men. God, this must be his worst fucking _nightmare_ and Calum couldn’t even comfort him properly because he was too messed up himself.

“I love you,” Calum whispered and a tear rolled down Michael’s cheek.

“I love you too,” he murmured. Calum inhaled thickly, cringing when it hurt. The flow of blood seemed to be slowing now though and Michael winced when he saw the bruising on Calum’s face.

“Let me get you some ice, darling,” he said quietly but his eyes were still wet and his hands were shaking faintly as he crossed the kitchen, rummaging around in the freezer for the ice pack he’d bought Lily last year after she’d hurt her ankle. Michael wrapped it in a tea towel when he found it and the tears in his eyes were boiling over when he sat back down across from Calum, holding it gently to his boyfriend’s nose.

“Thank you,” Calum whispered but his dark eyes slid shut when Michael hesitantly suggested calling the police. “That’s a good idea,” Calum said quietly but his cheeks were flaming behind the towel and Michael’s eyes shone wetly in the kitchen as he stroked Calum’s hair away from his forehead gently.

“It’s all gonna be okay, Cal,” Michael promised and Calum looked down at his hand, taking in the streaks of blood that Michael didn’t even seem to _notice_ as he laced his fingers tightly with Calum’s. The graze on his palm was welling up with blood. “I promise.”

The rest of the night passed in a blur of grim-faced police officers, painkillers for the dark-haired man’s truly epic headache, and Michael’s hand holding Calum's gently as the younger man set his jaw as he fought against his sobs long enough to make a statement.

The last of Calum’s composure crumbled when the police left. Michael had texted Mali while Calum was talking to the officers to let her know what was going on and he turned his phone off once she’d texted back to make sure her little brother was okay.

Calum had told Michael it hurt when he lay down flat on his back – probably because of the pressure in his nose – so the pair of them were staying up on the sofa instead, propped up with cushions so that they were still comfortable. Calum had gone to double-check that the front door was locked and now he was wrapped in a duvet with his legs drawn up to his chest, cheek resting on Michael’s shoulder like it had been the day before when Jack was visiting.

Michael kept his arms wrapped firmly around Calum’s shoulders which was why he felt Calum’s sobs before he heard them. The younger man felt like he was falling apart in his boyfriend’s arms and Michael did what Calum had done to him a thousand times before: he pulled Calum gently into his lap and held him there.

Michael’s lips brushed Calum’s forehead gently and he stroked the younger man’s dark curls back where they were sticking to his tanned skin. They’d washed the blood away now but the bruising on Calum’s face looked painful as his trembling fingers knotted in the front of Michael’s plaid shirt.

Michael didn’t let him go. He just kept holding him there, rocking him gently like he did to one of his girls when they were upset, and it seemed to be working now too. Calum’s teary, chocolate brown eyes were threatening to slide shut as his exhaustion washed over him. Michael kissed his forehead again.

“I love you so much, darling,” he promised when Calum jerked awake, screwing his face up and giving a little cry of pain when it hurt. Michael shushed him, carding his fingers gently through Calum’s hair as the younger man melted back against him.

God, it hurt so badly to see Calum in a state like this. It was fucking _agony_.

“You’re safe, darling. I’ve got you,” Michael murmured.

Calum finally lost the battle with his consciousness.

He passed out in Michael’s arms and the golden-haired man held him securely as the shadows stretched across the dark walls like ink. Calum looked panicky even in his sleep though, flinching when Michael loosened his grip for just long enough that he could lie down beside his boyfriend on the sofa, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around him.

A car went past outside and the wind rattled the letterbox gently. Calum whimpered.

“Darling, I’ve got you,” Michael repeated in a murmur and Calum quietened at his voice, calming until he was limp beneath the duvet as Michael cuddled him closer.

Michael didn’t get any sleep that night but he couldn’t have cared less because Calum was _hurting_ and the thought of losing the beautiful man in his arms was enough to keep Michael _wide_ awake.

 _Fuck_ , Michael was going to lose it in a minute because Calum was warm and vulnerable and perfect, and _damnit_ , Michael loved him so much.

When the golden-haired man started crying properly later that night, Calum woke up just enough that he reached to loop his arm around the older man’s shoulders, tugging him down sleepily into a tighter hug.

Michael buried his sobs in Calum’s shoulder, pressing a soft, slightly damp kiss to his boyfriend’s neck as he clung to him.

Michael never wanted to let him go.

(The best part was that maybe he wouldn’t have to.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okay!  
> Please let me know what you thought <3
> 
> Everything is uphill and fluffy and lame and cute after this hopefully. I hope you'll like the rest <3


	22. A Force To Be Reckoned With

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this and it took me about eight hours.  
> Holy fucking shit.  
> Still, I hope you guys like this. Fluff fluff fluff.  
> (And not too much to go!)

**_Oh, who you are is not what you've been._ **

 

Michael didn't realise he'd fallen asleep on the sofa until the dawn sunlight shining in through the living room window woke him up. His neck ached from where he'd been lying but Michael couldn't find it in himself to mind when he saw Calum lying beside him.

The bruising was purplish in the light, staining his nose and the skin around his eyes. His soft breathing sounded unusually rough and his brow was faintly creased, and it seemed as though his face hurt even in sleep. Calum let out a soft sigh, chocolate brown eyes fluttering open like he could feel Michael watching him. The younger man groaned and Michael swallowed in vain past the lump in his throat.

"Your poor face," Michael whispered, pressing the lightest butterfly kiss to Calum's bruised nose. The dark-haired man's hands were shaking faintly when he reached to cup Michael's face, tilting it this way and that. Michael watched him silently, fighting hard to keep it together as Calum's lips parted like he was concentrating.

After a long moment, he simply gave Michael a very faint smile.

"I love you so much," Calum said tiredly, letting his dark eyes fall shut for a moment. "I'm sorry for scaring you last night."

"You have _nothing_ to apologise for," Michael promised, leaning forwards to press a tiny kiss to the corner of Calum's mouth, worried about hurting him. "Now c'mon. Let's find you some painkillers."

Calum lingered by the mirror in the hall while Michael went to pour him a glass of water and the older man set it on the counter along with two paracetamol which would hopefully be enough to lessen the ache.

"I look like a panda," Calum groaned when he saw his reflection and Michael tried to smile but the lump in his throat wasn't having it. He followed his boyfriend out into the hallway, pressing a soft kiss to Calum's shoulder to hide the tears stinging his eyes.

"I'm so glad you weren't hurt worse," he whispered, brushing his lips lightly against Calum's when the taller man turned to look at him. "I love you so, _so_ damn much. I couldn't stand losing you."

"You're not going to," Calum promised but the smile touching his lips looked a little more real now. "You want breakfast or are we waiting for the girls? I'm in the mood for pancakes."

The words were barely out of his mouth when Lily and Georgie appeared at the top of the stairs; they were always relatively light sleepers but apparently they could wake up at the mere mention of food now... (or maybe they'd already been awake and were playing with their toys instead; they did that sometimes and if it kept them out of trouble then Michael couldn't very well mind).

"Pancakes!" Georgie shouted, following Lily down the stairs with far too much enthusiasm for a Sunday morning. The five year old recoiled in horror when she looked up at the dark-haired man's bruises though and Calum's face fell.

Lily looked appalled.

"Did you fall down?" she asked him sympathetically, drifting closer in her frilly pink nightie to curl her fingers gently around his wrist. "Because I fell down in PE once and my face went all purple because I hurt it."

"I didn't fall," Calum said hesitantly, crouching down when Lily tugged at his wrist so she could see him better. Georgie squeaked fearfully, clinging to Michael and hiding her face in his leg. He crouched down to pick her up and she clung to him like she used to when she was tiny, watching Calum anxiously as she fisted her tiny hand in Michael's shirt, anchoring him there like she was afraid to let go.

"Who hurt him?" the littlest girl whispered, eyes wide and scared. Michael kissed her cheek.

"It was a bad person," he said quietly, giving Lily a reassuring look when she jerked her head up worriedly to stare at him. Calum sat down heavily at the bottom of the stairs. "But the police are going to catch him. We'll all be alright."

Lily went to sit beside Calum wordlessly, resting her head on his shoulder and holding his hand, and Calum looked a lot like he was about to cry - Michael hoped he wouldn't because that would probably be very painful today - but he simply put his arm around her tiny shoulders, giving her a comforting squeeze.

Georgie still looked frightened but she wriggled in his arms and Michael set her down carefully on the floor, resting his hand gently on her messy curls.

"Can we watch a Barbie film while we wait for breakfast?" Lily asked, biting her lip as she looked between Michael and Calum curiously. Apparently she wasn't sure what the proper code of conduct was when you went downstairs and discovered that someone had been injured the night before.

"Only if it's the one with that weird Preminger guy in," Calum said, lips twitching into a smile although he was still watching Georgie nervously from the corner of his eye. Lily looked jubilant because _Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper_ was one of her favourite films.

"That's a good one," Georgie said cautiously, gripping a handful of the jeans Michael had slept in tightly in her fist. Calum smiled at her and, even if his eyes _were_ saturated with pain and sadness and what might have been humiliation, there was a lot of love and kindness in there too.

Georgie decided she was brave enough to let go of Michael and she hesitated before surging forwards to throw her arms around Calum's neck. Michael called out to be careful but Calum didn't seem to mind; he just lifted her onto his lap and wrapped his other arm around her securely as Lily clung to him.

"Are you going to die?" Georgie asked Calum in a devastated-sounding voice. Calum snorted weakly at that before immediately seeming to regret it.

"No," he promised, dropping a kiss onto her curls as Georgie relaxed against him in relief. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Lily smiled but she was looking at Michael so hopefully that it took him a moment to work out what she wanted. Then he grinned and rolled his eyes, stepping back to give them room to get up from the stairs.

"Why don't you guys go and watch your film?" Michael suggested and Lily flashed him the least subtle thumbs up _ever_. "I'll take care of the pancakes. How does strawberries and cream sound?"

"Amazing!" Lily said, just as Georgie yelled: "With Nutella!"

"With Nutella," Michael amended quietly. Calum kissed him as he was led into the living room by Michael's daughters.

The older man was still smiling faintly when he went to join them with their food. He was just in time for the scene where the Princess and the Pauper sang a song together in the marketplace. Georgie would start begging for a talking cat soon like the one in the film, and then Calum would say that dogs were better and Lily would agree because she had a toy puppy upstairs on her bed. They'd been through this scenario what felt like hundreds of times before.

Michael hoped it never changed.

Calum and Michael sang along to the songs in a silly voice to make the girls laugh, and it must have had the desired effect because Georgie and Lily seemed to have forgotten about the bruises on Calum's face now. Michael wished it was that easy for _them_ too but there was a stiffness to Calum's shoulders and his jaw was still set, like he was trying not to show that he was hurting.

Georgie was sitting in the younger man's lap since she was scared of Preminger and apparently Calum was the best at covering her eyes up, and Lily was sitting with her head resting on Georgie's legs. The five year old was 'combing Lily's princess hair for her' - Michael would have to detangle that later - and Michael settled back more comfortably on the sofa, stretching his arm out over the girls' heads and stroking the back of Calum's neck gently.

The dark-haired man calmed visibly at the touch, letting his head loll back onto the sofa as he gave Michael a lazy smile that _almost_ touched his dark, tired eyes.

"I love you," Michael breathed over his daughters' heads. Calum's lips tugged up and his dimples became visible in his soft cheeks.

"I love you too," the dark-haired man whispered.

The rest of the day was less relaxing but Calum welcomed it all the same because it kept him busy, kept his mind occupied enough that he didn't lose himself in memories of glass, broken bones and blood running sickeningly down his throat.

Michael took Calum's hand whenever he saw his boyfriend's expression tighten and it helped a lot, especially when they got a call from the police to let them know that they'd found and arrested the man who attacked Calum.

Mali turned up as the call ended and she didn't say anything at all when Michael opened the door for her; she just took one look at her little brother and pulled him gently into her arms, holding him there like that was enough to keep him safe.

"You scared me," she said and her voice came out muffled where her mouth was pressed against his shoulder. "Mum and dad keep calling me. I told them you're fine but they still keep calling. I told them you weren't answering your phone today because you were tired and Michael is looking after you but they _still keep calling me_."

She had a slightly frazzled look about her, like maybe she hadn't got much sleep the night before either. Mali brushed her long dark hair away from her face, made a small choking sound when Calum managed a watery smile before disappearing back into the living room, and then she was clinging to Michael and hiding her face in his neck as her shoulders shook with sobs.

"He's okay, Mali," Michael promised, rubbing her back comfortingly. Lily appeared in the doorway, mouth open to ask for something, and Michael shook his head firmly. The little girl looked at them with wide eyes before she nodded, gave another of her ridiculous thumbs up which _almost_ made Michael snort with inappropriate laughter, and walked back into the room.

"We have to ask daddy for the rest of the strawberries in a minute, Georgie," Lily could be heard saying loudly over the television. "No, in a _minute_!"

"Thank you for looking after Calum," Mali muttered, drawing back and wiping her eyes hard with her sleeve. She cursed when she looked in the mirror - apparently she'd smudged her makeup although Michael couldn't see it himself - but she forced a smile onto her face when Michael led her into the living room.

"Tom's coming round later," Mali told Calum and he grimaced. "He's bringing chocolate," she added and the dark-haired man stopped complaining pretty sharpish. Lily and Georgie looked up hopefully, making Michael laugh as he went to get the bowl of strawberries out of the fridge. "And you may have a few more visitors too," Mali said.

Lily and Georgie were busy inhaling all of the fruit in the bowl but Michael swiped a couple, tossing one Calum's way before he ate his own. If Mali wanted to risk her manicure getting one then that was up to her.

"Yeah," she said, answering her younger brother's questioning look. Apparently she wasn't keen on the strawberries and wanted to keep all of her fingers attached. "Ashton's coming round later. Luke said he might pop by too. And maybe Jack."

"Mali, did you text _everyone_?!" Calum demanded but his lips were twitching faintly all the same and Michael could tell that he felt touched. The golden-haired man was so glad Calum had Mali, honestly. She was a force to be reckoned with.

"People care about you, Cal," she said with a shrug. "I wanted to make sure you knew."

Calum's arm slipped around Michael's shoulders of its own accord and his bruised face creased as he smiled.

"I already know that," he murmured, closing his eyes for a moment when Michael pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. "But I'm definitely up for it if Tom's bringing chocolate round... and I _suppose_ it would be nice to see everyone else too."

Mali looked like she was debating either punching him (probably unwise right now) or pulling him into another hug. In the end, she simply settled for giving him a scathing look.

"Be nice to me or I'll call mum and tell her you want to go round there for dinner tonight."

Calum winced.

"That's a low blow, Mali," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "And I'm not sure I could stand the fussing right now. Maybe I better wait until my face has healed up before I go round there again..."

"You're such a -" Mali faltered, biting her tongue when Michael looked towards his daughters _very_ obviously. The dark-haired woman smiled sheepishly. "I'm glad you're okay, Cal," she muttered, reaching forward to brush her knuckles lightly against his shoulder. "Don't scare us like that again."

Mali only stayed round long enough to drink her coffee but they didn't have much respite because Ashton showed up just in time for lunch, sniffing hopefully when he smelled cooking.

"Yes, you can stay for lunch!" Michael called from the kitchen before Ashton even had time to start dropping hints. The curly-haired man smiled as he shut the door carefully behind him but he frowned when he saw Calum's sore face.

"How're you doing, Cal-Pal?" Ashton asked softly, just like he used to when they were still in the band. Ashton took his shoes off in the hallway and Calum shrugged, wrapping one of his arms tightly around himself as the too-long sleeves of his jumper fell to hide his shaking hands.

"I've been better... but I'm okay. I'll be good again soon."

Ashton gave him a soft look, pulling Calum in for a gentle hug that only lasted for a few seconds.

"That's all that matters then," he said softly before a bright smile lit up his face, showing his dimples. "Bryana sends her love too." Ashton looked hopefully towards the kitchen. "What's Mikey doing for lunch?"

Calum rolled his eyes, snagging the sleeve of Ashton's navy blue shirt and tugging him into the kitchen so that he could join the rest of them.

Michael was cooking stir-fry. There was salmon and noodles in one pan, and he was currently frying a variety of green vegetables in another, the sizzle of the oil just quiet enough that the low hum of the radio could be heard.

Georgie was sitting on the counter nearby; she'd been entrusted with a rolling pin and a sealed bag of almonds which she was being trusted to crush - this may or may not have been a bad idea - and Lily was sorting the different chopped vegetables into separate colours which was apparently a very vital part of the cooking process which many people often forgot about.

"You guys are so cute," Ashton grinned.

Michael finished cooking fairly quickly once Calum had returned to help him so Ashton busied himself by setting the table for them. He tried (and failed) to guess where all of the cutlery was but Lily seemed to be done arranging the vegetables now so she came over to take his large hand, leading him around the kitchen as she showed him where everything was.

"Thank you," Ashton said when she handed him _way_ too many forks for five people; apparently she was expecting a busload of people to come in and demand stir-fry too. The little blonde girl nodded her head solemnly at the drummer.

"That's quite alright," she said loftily.

Michael laughed quietly at the exchange and the faint smile was still twisting his lips when he carried their food over to the table a few minutes later. Lily ate it without complaint which was rare and even Georgie ate some of it (although she _did_ have to be bribed with ketchup and possibly a bag of chocolate magic stars afterwards if she was good).

"Georgie, you're the _only_ person I've ever met who eats stir-fry with ketchup," Ashton grinned. He'd apparently noticed that even eating seemed to be hurting Calum today and was kindly keeping the girls distracted while Michael rubbed Calum's tense shoulder comfortingly, trying to keep him relaxed. It seemed to be working luckily.

"Well, I like ketchup!" Georgie said, exasperated. "Daddy read us a book once about these piglets that ate too much ketchup so the mummy pig gave them ketchup with everything - even on their _cereal_! - and then the piglets stopped eating ketchup." The story didn't seem to be going anywhere and Ashton hid a laugh in his napkin under the guise of wiping his mouth.

"Would you still like ketchup if it was on your cereal?" he asked and Georgie considered it for a long moment before she shoved a forkful of noodles into her mouth, smearing the sauce all over her chin.

"Probably not," she said gravely, looking offended when Lily started laughing at the mess on her little sister's face.

"You're all mucky, Georgie," Michael said, licking the pad of his finger and reaching over to clean some of the ketchup off her face. Georgie started laughing hysterically - Michael exchanged a wide-eyed look with Calum and Ashton - and it took her a long time (and several gulps of apple squash) to calm enough to tell them what was so funny.

"You're like a cat," she told Michael. Three pairs of eyes watched her blankly. (Lily was trying to cut a piece of noodle up with the edge of her spoon but she was failing miserably.) "Cats lick their babies to clean them," Georgie explained like they were all being ridiculous. "You're like a cat, daddy."

" _Oh_ ," Michael said, smiling at her as he ruffled her hair. He raised his glass to take a sip of his drink. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Meow," Calum said, completely deadpan. Michael choked on his water and Ashton had to thump him on the back but at least Calum was smiling now. Apparently he was starting to feel better.

"Meow," Georgie agreed seriously.

"Cats like fish," Lily added randomly as she speared a piece of salmon on her plastic purple fork.

" _Meow_!" Georgie yelled, grabbing some of the fish from her plate in her fingers and stuffing it messily into her mouth. Then she wailed. "Daddy, we forgot the almonds!"

"Oh dear," Michael sighed, rising to go and grab the little bag when Georgie's bottom lip started to wobble dramatically. She looked vaguely heartbroken. "Shall we add some now?"

" _Meow_ ," Georgie mumbled dejectedly, nodding her little head so that her curls bounced.

When Michael fell back into his seat beside a quietly-snickering Calum, Ashton was watching them all with a vaguely bemused but wholly fond look on his face.

"I wish mealtimes were like this with Bryana," Ashton said and Michael smiled, eyes twinkling.

"Well, when the baby's born, maybe you'll get your wish," he said. Beside him, Calum's lips tugged up into a proper smile.

It still didn't feel real that Ashton and Bryana were having a baby.

Just like it hadn't felt real when Hannah told Michael that  _she_ was expecting.

Calum laced his fingers with Michael's under the table, squeezing his hand gently like he could tell what his boyfriend was thinking about.

"That reminds me actually," Ashton said suddenly, digging into the pocket of his jeans for his wallet. "I have something to show you guys."

Ashton pulled out a small picture and Lily squealed when she saw it which should have been warning enough - then again, it could have been a crudely drawn picture of a unicorn and she probably would have fallen in love with it.

"What is it?" Calum asked, leaning closer to see. Ashton turned the picture so that it was facing them properly and Michael's smile lit up his whole face at the sight of the scan photo.

"Ash, that's amazing!" Michael smiled, swallowing past the lump in his throat again at the pride blazing in Ashton's soft hazel eyes. "I'm so happy for you both!"

"Yeah, congratulations," Calum smiled, his expression softening beneath the bruises. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl then?"

Ashton looked almost beside himself and Michael was starting to feel faintly sorry for Bryana now because Ashton was probably insufferably excited, like a puppy.

"We're having a boy!" he declared and Lily made that little thrilled squealing noise again. Georgie wrinkled her nose.

"Will I have to share my toy cars with him?" she asked and Michael rolled his eyes, giving her a reprimanding poke on the nose that made Calum smile wryly.

"Maybe when he's older. You have to learn to share though, Georgie, okay? Or no magic stars..."

"I want magic stars," she said hurriedly. Michael grinned. Georgie pulled a face. "I don't think I like almonds with my stir-fry, daddy. They taste like nuts."

"They... they _are_ nuts," he said weakly and Georgie frowned.

"So why are we waiting them with our dinner then?" she asked, utterly perplexed. Then she shrugged like it didn't matter and ate another bit of salmon, meowing thickly with her mouth full. Calum watched her fondly before he finally took pity on Lily, leaning over to help her cut up her noodles so that she'd have an easier time transferring them into her mouth.

"You good?" Calum checked when he was done. Lily nodded, smiling up at him.

"Uh huh," she agreed, patting him on the back of the hand gratefully. Her emerald green eyes were serious beneath her long blonde hair. "Are _you_?"

"I am," Calum said and it sounded like he meant it. "I'm good."

Georgie kept meowing all afternoon and Michael tried to find it annoying but it was mostly just _cute_. She kept it up even when the doorbell rang an hour or so later and Luke appeared.

His cheeks were flushed with the cold wind outside and he had a scarf looped around his neck. Georgie ran out into the hallway the moment she heard his voice, lifting her arms up for a hug. Luke scooped her up easily and she rubbed his cheeks with her palms, apparently trying to warm them up. Michael watched them fondly as he shut the front door securely.

"Meow, Lukey," Georgie told him seriously, poking her tongue out a tiny bit like she was seriously considering licking his face. Luke giggled, setting her down carefully on the ground and taking her hand instead.

"Meow," he replied and she beamed at him, tugging him into the living room where the others were waiting.

"Hey, Cal. I'm glad you're alright. You look a tiny bit like a panda," Luke said as he dropped down onto the sofa beside the dark-haired man. Apparently Luke had realised that being too serious about it would only make Calum feel worse but Michael didn't feel guilty in the slightest when he accidentally-on-purpose hit Luke in the face with a cushion in the process of moving one.

"Hey, Ash," Luke grinned, pointedly ignoring Michael because annoying the older man was apparently his favourite pastime. The blond man fought to hide his smirk. "I didn't know you were here. You still want to get a drink later?"

"Sure," Ashton grinned easily from where he was sitting in the armchair. Lily was curled up beside him with a farmyard animals colouring book and Ashton was careful not to nudge her when he learnt forwards to show Luke the scan photo.

"Aw, man, that's so cute!" Luke exclaimed, taking it for a closer look.

"It's a boy," Ashton told him proudly and Luke beamed.

The rest of the afternoon passed a lot more quickly.

They turned the lamps on at around four o'clock when it started to get darker. Michael and Calum stayed sitting curled up on the sofa, Ashton had gone out into the garden to phone Bryana where she was staying at her sister's and make sure she was okay, and Luke was currently sprawled out on the living room floor with the girls. They were making Calum a big Get Well Soon card - Michael thought he spied a poorly-drawn panda in one corner with seemed to be Luke's handiwork - but there were lots of questionably shaped hearts and stars drawn by Georgie, and Lily had put on some coloured lip balm and pressed a big smeary kiss to the paper so that was there too.

Michael kept Calum distracted from the card-making session on the floor, stroking Calum's grazed palm gently with his fingertips as the dark-haired man carded his fingers gently through Michael's soft golden hair.

"I'm so lucky to have you," Michael murmured, taking in the blush colouring Calum's cheeks before he met his gaze. Michael's breath escaped him unsteadily as he entwined their fingers where they were resting in his lap. He could lose himself in Calum's sparkling, chocolate brown eyes. They were so goddamn beautiful.

"Meow!" Georgie called from the floor. "Meow, Calum! _Meow_!"

"Meow," Calum replied and, appeased, the five year old continued what she'd been doing, lunging forwards to steal the blue felt tip pen from Luke which made a dismayed Lily holler because she'd wanted to use it too.

"This is your fault," Michael told Calum firmly when he heard Georgie meowing quietly to herself as she drew what looked like a rocket-cucumber hybrid. He wasn't sure what it was actually supposed to be. "You brought this plague upon us."

Calum barked a soft laugh, catching Michael's cherry-red lips in a gentle kiss.

"Meow," he said solemnly when he drew away and Michael didn't feel guilty at all for shoving him.

"Dick move, Hood," Michael said under his breath, keeping his voice low so that the girls wouldn't hear him. "Now we've got to listen to Georgie the mad cat for the next week."

"Meow," Georgie answered from the floor. Lily threw a felt tip pen lid at her.

"No fighting," Michael called without looking up. There was a faint smirk curling his lips now and Calum rolled his eyes, fighting a grin as he settled down more comfortably beside Michael, tucking his face away into the warm, sweet-smelling skin of his boyfriend's throat.

"Shut up. You love me," Calum mumbled softly, even though that had never been in question. Michael pressed a gentle kiss to Calum's forehead.

"Always," the older man promised.

Ashton and Luke left together at around six o'clock, heading out to get a drink before they went their separate ways. Michael waved goodbye to them from the doorway and for once he didn't feel like he was missing out. He got to go back inside to see his daughters and Calum; Michael felt like he was _winning_ instead.

They had cheese and ham toasties for dinner since they'd had their main meal at lunchtime and Michael felt very content as he settled down on the sofa after they'd eaten. He had a mug of tea balanced on his knee and Calum's hand held carefully in his own, and the girls were a lot calmer now as they started to get sleepy.

There was a cartoon playing on the television but they weren't paying much attention to it. Lily was brushing her Barbie's hair again and Georgie was attempting to snuggle with the red racing car that she loved so much. Michael and Calum had decided not to mention that there might be two more visitors later - it seemed like a better idea to let the girls calm down and go to bed since they'd probably had enough excitement for one day.

"Meow," Georgie said pitifully as Michael carried her up the stairs. He dropped a kiss onto her curls and meowed quietly back. Calum didn't need to hear him.

Michael gave Georgie and Lily a bath, read them a story at half past seven, and they were both asleep by eight o'clock which was unusual but very gratefully received.

Tom turned up when Michael was walking downstairs and, although the golden-haired man _was_ grateful that he and Calum had such lovely supportive friends, he had to admit that the number of visitors was kind of exhausting him... _and_ Jack was still coming round later. (Jack was known for staying at theirs until close to one in the morning so Michael would have to politely kick him out at around eleven. He - and Calum if he felt up to it - had work in the morning.)

"Evening, Mike," Tom said when Michael got the door open. "How're you? How's Cal?"

"So-so," Michael said but he was smiling faintly. "Calum's good though. He'll be okay."

"I'm glad," Tom said and he sounded like he meant it. "I brought him some Thorntons chocolates. Mali said I had to because she forgot to bring any sweets earlier."

"You guys didn't have to bring anything," Michael promised but Calum laughed softly as he appeared in the doorway to the living room.

"Although we'll never turn away free chocolates," he joked. Tom looked up, brow creasing for a moment before he seemed to shrug it away, remembering that Michael had said Calum was fine.

"You look rough, buddy," Tom said, punching Calum lightly on the shoulder. "You better sit down and eat some sweets. I have something I need to tell you both."

"Sounds like a plan," Calum said, snagging Michael's soft hand and towing him back into the living room. Tom was standing uncharacteristically beside the window but Calum dropped down where he'd been sitting before, pulling Michael down with him and keeping his arm wrapped firmly around his boyfriend's waist. The close proximity helped keep both of them calm.

"Why do you look like you're about to drop a massive bombshell?" Calum asked warily. Michael looked up at Tom in surprise, emerald eyes widening slightly when he saw the nervousness twisting Tom's usually easy smile.

"I just... I've already talked to your parents about this, Cal, but... I wanted to see what you two thought..." Tom began awkwardly. Michael's eyes widened further.

" _Tom_..." he said slowly but Calum was staring up at his sister's long-term boyfriend in shock.

"I just..." Tom looked lost as he rubbed the back of his neck uneasily with his hand. "Do you think Mali would laugh me out of Australia if I asked her to marry me?"

"Tom, oh my god!" Michael cried as Calum scrambled to his feet to pull the older man into a tight hug. "Oh god, no - she'd _love_ it! Wouldn't she, Cal?"

"Yes, she would!" Calum looked faintly stunned. "You want to marry Mali? Even though she leaves wet towels _all_ over the floor?"

Calum paused to scowl at Michael over his shoulder - the golden-haired man had been known to do the same thing - but Tom's face had lit up now that he knew what their reactions were.

"Even despite that," Tom grinned. His shoulders slumped with relief. "Man, you don't know how long I've been thinking about this for. It's a weight off my mind honestly." He dug his phone out of his pocket suddenly, scrolling through the photos as he spoke. "Look. This is the ring I chose her. Do you think she'll like it?"

"I think she'll love it," Calum said softly, voice choked up. Michael blinked back his tears, smiling at Tom reassuringly.

"It's beautiful," he said quietly and Michael meant it. Tom looked touched. "When are you going to pop the question?"

"Well... I'm picking the ring up on Saturday so... maybe next weekend?" Tom asked but he was smiling wide now, even as the nervousness lit his eyes with fire. Calum reached out to grip his hand firmly and Tom relaxed.

"It'll go great, buddy. She _loves_ you."

"I know she does," Tom said but it didn't sound smug. He just sounded happy instead and it made all the difference in the world. His expression became vaguely apologetic. "I'm sorry, guys. I can't stay long. I just wanted to drop round and make sure you were both okay, see what you thought... but you want to come round for dinner sometime next week maybe? Catch up properly then?"

"That sounds really great, Tom," Michael promised as he got up to let him out. "You take care getting home, yeah?"

"I'll be fine," Tom promised, gripping Michael's shoulder gently before he disappeared out into the darkness. He passed Jack on the path and Michael stuck his head round the living room door to let his boyfriend know.

Calum looked sleepy but content as he snuggled up on the sofa, although there was a faint frown on his face at the breeze coming in through the door.

"Michael! How is he?" Jack asked as soon as he was within hearing distance. Jack's dark eyes were almost as worried as Mali's had been and Michael's heart felt too large for his chest as he gripped the older man's hand for a moment.

"Jack, man, he's fine. I promise you he's fine," Michael said soothingly. Jack swallowed, managing a weak smile but he still looked uncertain as he let the front door swing closed behind him, shutting out the cold. "I mean it," the golden-haired man promised when Jack hesitated in the hallway. "Go ahead," Michael urged softly.

"Thanks, bro," Jack murmured before he led the way into the living room. "Cal, buddy, your poor fucking _face_! Did you at least get a few punches in too?"

"Not a chance. Sorry, mate," Calum muttered, chagrined. Jack forced a shrug like his protective anger _wasn't_ burning in his eyes.

"Forget it. I'm just glad you're okay," Jack said but he still looked faintly upset. He hadn't shaved and there were tired circles under his eyes. "I'm flying home tomorrow so I won't stay late tonight. Hope you guys don't mind?"

"Nah, man, it's cool," Michael reassured him. "It's just nice to see you before you leave."

"Georgie's been making cat noises all day," Calum said helpfully and Jack looked up with amusement.

"What? Like _meow_? All day?" Jack grinned. Calum smiled proudly.

"Yes," Michael said with a roll of his emerald green eyes, shooting a scathing look at his boyfriend. "Calum thinks he's hilarious."

Jack laughed but some of the tension was easing out of his shoulders now and Michael relaxed too as Calum sank back into his warmth.

"So you guys had a good day then?" Jack asked cautiously and Calum smiled gratefully up at Michael, stretching to press a kiss to the underside of his pale jaw. For once, Jack didn't say anything.

"We did," Calum said when he looked back at their friend. "Michael's been the sweetest fucking thing all day. I'm so lucky to have him." Jack grinned but even then he didn't say anything; he really _must_ have been worried.

"I'm glad you've got each other," Jack said softly before his eyes suddenly lit up like he'd remembered something exciting. "Hey! I heard from management today actually. It's been confirmed that the band is playing a couple of songs at the awards show I mentioned so you guys can definitely come down to watch. Bring the girls too! I'll get you tickets! I know the guys would love to see you."

"That would be amazing!" Michael said and he couldn't keep the smile from his face. Calum looked happy too but his eyes were drooping and Jack nodded almost to himself, rising from the chair.

"I only wanted to see you guys before I left," he said quietly. "I'm gonna head back to the hotel now, grab a few hours sleep. I'll see you guys super soon though honestly."

"You stay safe, man," Michael said quietly, reaching out to pull Jack into a tight hug. Calum looped his arm around Jack's waist and the three of them stayed there like that for a few moments, just holding each other as they were comforted by the fact that all of them were okay.

Michael walked Jack to the door, taking in the crinkles around his eyes when he smiled and the mess of his hair.

"Take care," Michael said quietly and Jack squeezed Michael's shoulder gently.

"Love you, bro," he said before he raised his voice: "Love you, Cal!"

"We love you too, man. Be safe."

The house seemed quieter when Jack left but it wasn't necessarily unwelcome after the day they'd had.

"No more meowing," Michael said when he sank back down onto the sofa. Calum opened his mouth - probably to meow because he could be _just_ as annoying as Luke when he wanted to be - and Michael pressed a quick kiss to his lips instead. "Calum, if you have any mercy at all, you won't make a cat noise right now."

Calum considered it before his lips tugged up into a warm smile.

"Fair enough," he grinned but his eyes were twinkling and the bruising didn't look so bad in this light. He cradled Michael's cheek gently in his palm and the older man leant into it, eyelids fluttering shut for a moment as he turned to press a kiss to Calum's hand.

"You've been so amazing today, sweetheart," Calum murmured and Michael looked at him with soft, glittering eyes. "I mean, you're _always_ amazing but... I know I haven't been easy today... and you've been so damn sweet about it." Calum leant forwards to kiss him gently. "I love you so, so much."

"I love you too, darling," Michael whispered lovingly, stroking Calum's jaw gently with the pad of his thumb. "Are you feeling happier now?"

"Yeah," Calum promised and the honesty blazed in his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. "I promise. I'm happy."

So was Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this!  
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought!  
> Thank you for reading <3


	23. All Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably 3-4 parts left now which I'm ridiculously emotional about.  
> Also writing this chapter gave me major feels but they were all pretty much the good kind so I hope you guys will enjoy this!  
> (There's loads of smut at the end. Whoops.)

**_You're still an innocent._ **

****

Calum seemed almost back to his old self after a few weeks. He hadn’t quite plucked up the courage to go out on his own in the evenings anymore – which was hardly a _bad_ thing in Michael’s opinion – and the only thing that changed was that Michael and the girls accompanied Calum when he went home in the evenings to feed the dogs.

Michael could tell he missed them too and he wanted to say that Calum could bring them back to his house with them but there wasn’t room there really, and he knew Calum realised that by the wistful smile on his face when he petted them goodbye for another night.

“We can take them for another long walk tomorrow morning, if you like?” Michael suggested on Friday evening as he closed the back door of the car, leaving the girls safely strapped inside.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Calum said softly, lingering outside the car too. The gravel crunched under their feet and the sky was almost lavender-coloured overhead. A crow wheeled over them.

“I love you, Calum,” Michael said quietly, emerald green eyes fixed on his boyfriend’s face. He heard one of the puppies barking from inside the house and Calum’s face fell fractionally. “I’m sorry things aren’t perfect.”

Calum shook his head, reaching to take Michael’s hand over the roof of the car. It was a bit of a stretch and Michael laughed but it was a distinctly watery sound.

“Stop it,” Calum said in a hushed voice. “I’d do anything for you and the girls. You _know_ that. I just wish we could _all_ –” Calum faltered, biting his tongue.

“Wish we could all… live together?” Michael supplied softly, voice shaking as his free hand gripped the edge of the car door hard. Calum’s eyes were wide and slightly wet but he pressed his lips together hard, giving a jerky nod.

“We can talk about it,” Michael said softly, squeezing Calum’s hand tighter. “If you’d like to.”

“I’d _love_ to,” the dark-haired man corrected him. His eyes looked starry as the smile tugged at his lips and Michael felt breathless as the butterflies in his stomach battered inside him.

He couldn’t keep the grin from spreading across his face and Calum shook his head slowly, wide-eyed as he opened the car door. Michael followed him.

“Daddy, when are we going to see grandma and grandpa?” Lily asked from the backseat. Michael had plaited her long blonde hair with only mild difficulty and she was wearing a little pink cardigan over her favourite flowery pinafore. Georgie was sitting in her booster seat beside her with her curls a wild mess, dressed in red shorts and a tiny rugby shirt that Calum had found when he went shopping with Tom the previous weekend while Michael was visiting Mahir.

“We’ll head there now, okay? See them for a couple of hours before bed,” Michael said softly from the passenger seat as he twisted to look at them. They were both tired after school and nursery, and Georgie had that slightly manic look about her that she only got when she was fighting sleep.

“Meow,” the five year old murmured, pressing her cheek to the side of her car seat as she cuddled her red racing car to her chest. “Meow, daddy. I’m a kitty.”

“Meow, Georgie. You’re the best kitty,” Michael said tiredly as Calum manoeuvred the car onto the road, driving towards the outskirts of Sydney. Calum’s lips were twitching and Michael was trying hard to keep his own smile off his face as they drove along through the evening but it was difficult; he was too happy.

The first streetlights were beginning to flare to life when Calum parked outside Karen and Daryl’s house, the moon a silvery sliver high up in the night sky. Lily took Georgie’s hand when Michael helped them down onto the pavement, and they trotted excitedly up the path to knock on the door while their father and Calum lingered by the car.

The dark-haired man’s palm was warm through Michael’s jeans when Calum’s hand came to settle on his hip and Michael’s cheeks warmed when Calum pressed his lips gently to his shoulder.

“I’m going to kiss you later,” Calum whispered, fingers tightening fractionally as he hid his smile in Michael’s neck. “All over.”

Michael let out a breathless giggle, elbowing Calum lightly in the stomach before he took the taller man’s hand, leading him down the path as Karen pulled the door open to greet them.

“I’m holding you to that,” Michael teased and Calum’s smirk softened into something a lot sweeter as he gave his boyfriend’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“I promise,” Calum said and his chocolate brown eyes were sparkling faintly as he tugged on Michael’s hand, leading him into the warmth of the house. Karen hugged them both when they entered the house and a smile tugged at Michael’s lips when he saw his daughters hugging Daryl.

“Hey, mum,” Michael said, kissing her cheek. “How’ve you been?”

“Very well thank you,” Karen said happily, smoothing her blouse down and smiling back at Calum. “Have you eaten already? I have some leftover lasagne left if anyone’s hungry.”

Calum’s ears perked up at the mention of food and Michael grinned, nudging his boyfriend towards the kitchen. Calum popped his head round the door to say hello to Daryl before a delighted-looking Karen led him into the kitchen and Michael was still shaking his head affectionately when he followed the girls into the living room.

“Hi, dad,” Michael said, smiling softly as he leant against the doorframe. Georgie and Lily had already found the colouring books Karen had bought for them, and there were new pencils and crayons in a tin now too. That would keep the girls quiet for the next hour at least.

“Mike,” Daryl smiled. “Where’s your Calum got to?”

Michael’s cheeks flushed pinker still. ‘ _He’s **my** Calum_.’

“He’s eating lasagne in the kitchen,” Michael said after a moment, rolling his eyes fondly. “Even though we ate risotto just before we came out.”

Karen and Calum came back into the room as Michael took a seat on the sofa, and his boyfriend slumped down beside him with a content smile on his face, holding a bowl of lasagne protectively to his chest.

“This is _so_ good,” Calum beamed, proffering a forkful of the food towards Michael. “You want some?” Michael considered before he gave a little shrug, letting Calum feed him some of it. The food really was great.

“This is amazing, mum,” Michael said and Karen flushed with pride as she knelt down carefully beside the girls, watching them colour.

“Can I draw a picture instead of colour, grandma?” Lily asked and Karen nodded, reaching to find a notepad from the drawer before she set it down in front of her oldest granddaughter.

“Of course! What are you going to draw?”

“Um… a cat,” Lily decided and Calum’s face lit up.

“Oh no,” Michael whispered.

“Meow!” Georgie said loudly, kneeling up and grabbing the bottom of her rugby shirt like she was considering hauling it off. Michael hurriedly sat down on the carpet beside her, lifting her into his lap. Calum was sniggering into his lasagne.

“Meow, Georgie,” Michael said and the five year old smiled up at him, missing one of her teeth and crinkling her freckly nose up like she _knew_ how cute she was.

“Meow,” Georgie said again, licking her palm and wiping it over Michael’s cheek which was… slightly disgusting. “I’m being a mummy cat,” Georgie explained and Michael glanced up, taking in the bemused looks on his parents’ faces before he looked back down again.

“Right,” he said, smiling weakly. “Well I’m all clean now. Thank you, kitty. Meow.”

“Meow.” Georgie wriggled out of his arms and Michael wiped his cheek the moment she’d turned away. Daryl smothered his laughter in his hands and Calum smiled smugly.

“This is your fault! You with your second dinner! You’re like a hobbit!” Michael told Calum hotly, trying to pretend he was annoyed. Calum’s gleaming eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“Except I’m taller than you,” he said smartly. “Bilbo.”

“Go away, Gollum,” Michael muttered, fighting hard not to laugh.

“He’s not even a hobbit, Mike!” Calum said scathingly, looking deeply offended. He paused to shovel the last piece of lasagne into his mouth. “I can’t believe I’m in love with you.”

The rest of the evening passed fairly quickly.

Georgie ended up persuading Karen to pour her a saucer of milk – her and Lily took turns trying to drink it like cats which was all kinds of unhygienic – and Daryl disappeared upstairs for a while as he searched for some pictures of Michael’s childhood cat Teddy which made Lily squeal like her heart had exploded in her chest.

The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home which Michael wasn’t exactly surprised about. They’d had a very long day and they always got sleepy in the car when it got dark. When she was just a baby, Michael often used to drive Lily around in the car if she couldn’t sleep at night because Hannah didn’t like getting disturbed, and Lily’s eyes used to get big and wide, like the amber of the streetlights was hypnotising her almost.

Michael reached back behind him through the seats and patted her knee comfortingly, and after a moment her little hand settled on his, rubbing his knuckles gently with her fingertips.

“Almost home,” Calum said quietly and Michael looked over at him, taking in Calum’s profile as the amber glow and the headlights of passing cars illuminated his tanned face. His dark eyes sparkled and his brow was creased as he frowned faintly in concentration. His full lips were slightly parted at how stuffy it was in the car and his cheeks looked so soft that Michael had to tangle his fingers in his lap to keep from reaching out to stroke him.

Michael wanted to kiss the laughter lines on Calum’s face.

“You’re staring at me,” the dark-haired man said softly as he turned at the traffic lights, chancing a glance over to take in Michael's tired face as they drove over the railway bridge – Georgie perked up to see if there were any trains just like she always did and looked deeply disappointed when there weren’t.

“It’s because you’re really, really beautiful,” Michael breathed and Calum’s cheeks flushed as he pressed his lips together to keep from smiling.

“So are you,” Calum replied.

It was very quiet in the car as Calum parked on the road outside the house but Michael wasn’t worried about getting the girls out in the street; it was already almost nine o’clock and there didn’t seem to be any other cars about.

“I’ll carry Georgie. Are you alright to take Lily?” Michael suggested and Calum’s smile was very fond as he climbed out of the car, quickly going to unlock and open the front door before he went to retrieve the six year old.

Michael was already lingering on the pavement by that point, rocking a sleepy Georgie gently as he cradled her to his chest. Calum’s smile was soft as he reached to undo Lily’s seatbelt and she clung to him like a limpet, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and refusing to walk on her own even though Michael fondly told her that she was too grownup for that now.

Calum didn’t mind though. Lily weighed practically nothing and her hair smelt like the marzipan shampoo Michael had let her pick out, and she was so sweet that he wouldn’t have minded anyway.

Michael headed inside first and Calum followed him, shifting Lily carefully onto one hip so that he could close and lock the door. Calum felt a little tension he hadn’t even known he was carrying melt away once the door was shut and Michael’s eyes were soft as he looked at him.

“C’mon, darling,” the older man said quietly and Calum secured his hold on Lily.

“Meow,” Georgie mumbled into Michael’s neck as he carried her carefully up the stairs. Lily was slumped against Calum’s chest again now, little fingers tangled in his dark hair as he carefully nudged the bedroom door open with his hip.

The six year old let out a little sigh when Calum settled her down in bed, removing her shoes gently as Michael did the same to Georgie in her own little bed. Lily’s eyelids fluttered open and Calum stroked her long blonde hair back gently, eyes glittering faintly in the dim pink glow cast by the fairy lights as he smiled at her.

“Night, kitties,” Georgie mumbled as she curled up under her duvet. Michael’s smile was fond as he straightened up but Calum stayed sitting on the edge of Lily’s bed as one of her little hands found his, clinging to him tightly.

“Night, daddy,” she murmured to Michael and his voice was soft as he said it back. Lily seemed to be repeating herself when she spoke again: “Night, dad.” This time she was looking at Calum though and the dark-haired man’s eyes were wide with tears as he looked towards his boyfriend.

Michael wiped his eyes hard with his sleeve but he was smiling so goddamn brightly that Calum’s heart skipped in his chest.

“Night, princess,” he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to Lily’s forehead before he rose, stroked Georgie’s hair back fondly, and took Michael’s hand in his own as they stumbled down the stairs together in the darkness.

Michael closed the curtains and turned one of the lamps on in the living room but it was still fairly dark when he sank down onto the sofa, pulling Calum gently against his chest.

“She called you dad,” Michael whispered and he sounded so _pleased_ about it, like it was everything he never knew he needed.

“She called me dad,” Calum repeated numbly before he suddenly became aware that there were hot tears running down his cheeks. His trembling hand knotted into the front of Michael’s long-sleeved t-shirt and his breath escaped him in a ragged gasp when the older man gently cupped his face, angling it up so that he could see Calum in the dim light.

“Darling, why are you crying?” Michael asked gently, concern swimming in his damp emerald green eyes. Calum sniffed hard, trying to regain control but it wasn’t happening tonight.

“I don’t know,” Calum gasped out and he felt kind of stupid now but Michael was looking at him with so much adoration that it probably didn’t really matter. “I think I’m just really happy.”

“Oh, Cal,” Michael whispered, cherry-red lips tugging up into a smile as he kissed him gently. Calum broke away with a sob but he gave Michael a watery smile as he wiped his tears away with a trembling hand. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Yes please,” Calum hiccupped and Michael’s expression was so tender that Calum felt himself getting lost in Michael’s lovely eyes.

“Come on, darling,” Michael whispered as he pressed a tiny kiss to the corner of Calum’s mouth, bringing him back. “The kettle won’t boil itself.”

Calum followed him out into the kitchen quietly, cheeks hot as his tears dried sticky on them. Michael wiped them away gently with a tissue – Michael always had enough of those in the house now, just like he always remembered to buy toilet rolls and tomato purée and soap, and it was all thanks to Calum.

“You’re the loveliest man I’ve ever known,” Michael said quietly and Calum’s eyes grew even wetter but his smile looked less strained as he sat down on the counter like Lily did sometimes.

Michael rolled his eyes fondly, busying himself by filling up the kettle and getting two mugs down from the cupboard.

“I love you to the moon and back,” Calum said softly and a lump rose in Michael’s throat as he turned to face his boyfriend slowly. The words reminded him of his tattoo and he could almost feel it beneath his shirt, burning away the sadness and the fear. Calum’s love was the brightest, purest thing he’d ever felt.

“You’re perfect,” Michael whispered and Calum closed his eyes as he pulled Michael gently to his chest, wrapping his arms around the older man’s waist and dropping a gentle kiss onto the top of his head.

“So are you,” he whispered, lips warm against Michael’s soft skin. “Someday you’ll see it.”

“So will you.”

The silence in the kitchen was broken only by the kettle boiling and Michael smiled gently as he moved to fix their drinks.

“Given up on having no sugar in your tea?” Calum murmured when he saw Michael adding two teaspoons to his Stormtrooper mug. The older man smiled wryly.

“Yeah,” he said, glancing back over his shoulder at Calum before he looked down into his drink again. “Life’s too short.”

“You’re right,” Calum said quietly, sliding down off the counter and moving to wrap his arms gently around Michael’s waist. “It is. That’s why we can’t afford to waste any more time.” There was something unusually serious in Calum’s voice and Michael twisted in his embrace to look up at him.

“Did you mean what you said today?” Calum asked quietly, voice hushed like that would make saying this out loud less scary. “About us maybe moving in together?”

“Yes,” Michael whispered, so close that his full lips brushed Calum’s lightly. “A million times yes.”

“Me too,” Calum breathed but they both fell silent as the enormity of the scenario settled over them.

All Michael could think of was how fucking _perfect_ it would be if they all lived together – Michael, Calum, Lily, Georgie, and the three puppies – and he could see the wonder reflected back at him in Calum’s dark, tired eyes.

“You’re such a beautiful person, Mikey. I don’t ever want to lose you,” Calum whispered and Michael smiled softly, scattering kisses across Calum’s jaw before he remembered their drinks waiting on the counter behind them.

“Come and sit down with me. Your tea’s getting cold,” Michael prompted gently and Calum blushed when he remembered why Michael had offered him a mug in the first place. “C’mon, silly,” Michael whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Calum’s shoulder before he carried his drink into the living room, leading Calum along by the hand.

The lamp lit the room with a soft glow but it was still shadowy in there when the pair of them sank down onto the sofa together. They started off sitting at opposite ends with their legs tangled between them as they sipped their tea, bouncing ideas off of each other about living together permanently as the night trickled through their fingers like sand.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Calum asked quietly as he lowered his mug, setting it down on the coffee table. Michael moved to curl up against Calum’s chest when he finished his tea, rubbing his palm absently up and down Calum’s forearm as the dark-haired man stroked his hair gently. Calum's arm was draped lazily over Michael’s waist and the older man’s head was resting on Calum’s broad shoulder.

“Hmm…” Michael sounded sleepy but his voice gradually grew more alert as he spoke. “I was thinking we could make breakfast, walk the dogs in the park while the girls play… and then maybe see how much houses cost these days?” Michael suggested hesitantly, trying to come off as casual, putting a lilt to his words like he was _joking_ almost.

Calum’s dark eyes were so loving as he smiled down at his boyfriend, leaning forwards to kiss Michael’s forehead gently.

“That sounds perfect,” Calum said softly, letting out a content sound as Michael cuddled him closer. “I can’t wait to spend tomorrow with you,” Calum murmured and then, so softly that Michael wasn’t sure he hadn’t imagined it, Calum added: “And forever.”

Michael was always pliant when he was sleepy – easily maneuverable and content so long as he was warm – and this time was no different. He ended up lying between the back of the sofa and the warm press of Calum’s body, and it was so _nice_. He felt so happy and comfortable and **loved** , and Michael knew he would never tire of it.

“I have a promise to keep,” Calum said and it took Michael a moment but then his cheeks flushed red as he remembered Calum’s words outside the car. ‘ _I’m going to kiss you later. All over_.’

Calum was watching Michael questioningly and the older man had barely nodded when Calum twisted so that he was on top. Michael whimpered when he felt the weight of Calum’s hips as the younger man grinded down against him and it was starting to feel too hot in the living room now.

Calum’s hand slid under Michael’s t-shirt and the older man whined high in his throat when he felt Calum’s fingertips brushing teasingly over his nipples, squirming as his cock hardened between them.

“You wanna go upstairs, Mikey?” Calum asked softly, nodding his head towards the bedroom. Michael’s cheeks were flushed and he was panting softly.

“ _No_ ,” he gasped out, fingers pressing into Calum’s hips like he wanted him to grind down harder. Calum rolled his hips again and Michael groaned. “We can’t make a mess on the sofa,” Michael mumbled but his pupils were blown now and Calum looked impressed that Michael was still being so sensible.

“Well I’ll be wearing a condom,” Calum pointed out before he bit his bottom lip. “But you… Huh.” A tiny smirk touched his lips and Michael swallowed audibly. “Do you think you could hold off? Wait ‘til I say you can cum?”

A tiny moan escaped Michael and he pressed his lips together hard, giving Calum a jerky nod.

“Yes,” he whispered and Calum was looking at him in a way that had Michael’s cock twitching uncomfortably in his boxers.

“Good,” Calum murmured, his voice rougher now as he leant down to catch Michael’s lips in a kiss. His teeth caught Michael’s bottom lip and the golden-haired man moaned softly. “I think I have just the idea then,” Calum said but he refused to tell Michael what it was.

The golden-haired man’s breath escaped him in a gasp when Calum pushed his t-shirt up, and he hummed contentedly as Calum dropped kisses across his ribs and stomach. A flush was spreading down Michael’s chest when Calum helped him out of his t-shirt, dropping his head to suck on Michael’s nipple as his hands fell to undo the older man’s jeans.

“ _Calum,_ ” Michael gasped raggedly, small hands clinging to Calum’s shoulders as the taller man carefully eased them down Michael’s scarred thighs. Calum trailed kisses across the pale skin until he had to move back to remove the jeans completely, and Michael couldn’t even find it in himself to be bothered that he was the only one undressed because Calum was staring at him like he was so, _so_ beautiful and it was making Michael’s head spin.

He glowered when Calum didn’t settle back down over him again and the dark-haired man smiled, dimples creasing his cheeks again.

“I need to go upstairs to get the lube and stuff,” Calum said in his defence and Michael’s expression softened, even as his hand drifted down a little.

“Don’t touch yourself,” Calum whispered, leaning down to press an open-mouthed kiss to Michael’s thigh before he let his lips trail teasingly closer to where the older man wanted him most.

“Keep your hands up here, okay?” Calum said, raising them so Michael was holding the blanket covering the sofa. The older man’s eyes were _so_ dark now and it was turning Calum on.

“What if my nose itches?” Michael mumbled and Calum smirked, pressing a kiss to Michael’s lips as he climbed fluidly off the sofa.

“I’ll itch it for you when I get back,” he said, brushing his fingers teasingly over Michael’s nipple one more time before he darted out of the room, hurrying upstairs – thankfully still fully dressed – to find condoms and lube.

Michael was still gripping the blanket when Calum left and he looked down at himself curiously as he lay there, for once not seeing all of the parts of himself that he hated. Michael saw the flush spreading on his skin instead, the tensed muscles of his stomach and the bead of pre-cum welling up in the slit where the head of his cock was pushing against his boxers. Michael's cock always looked so pink when Calum wrapped his fingers around it and Michael’s moan surprised him just as much as it did Calum when he walked back into the room, clearly expecting Michael to have moved and looking stunned when he realised that he hadn’t.

“Mikey?” Calum asked softly, letting the lube and the condoms fall onto the coffee table. He shut the living room door carefully and Michael tipped his head back to look at Calum, throat pale and just _begging_ for Calum to suck kisses there.

The dark-haired man had lost his jeans and t-shirt in the time it took him to get downstairs, and the material of Calum’s boxers felt damp where he was hard and leaking inside as he settled down over Michael again. “What made you moan, sweetheart?”

Michael’s cheeks were burning and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth as his thighs fell apart, making more room for Calum between them.

“Thinking about you,” Michael breathed, letting out a strangled moan when Calum ducked his head to kiss the salt from Michael’s skin, grazing his teeth gently on the older man's collarbone. “You touching me. Need you to. _Please_.”

“ _Mike_ ,” Calum groaned, dropping his head for a moment as he grinded down hard against the older man. Michael let out a choked moan because he was _so_ hard now, tenting obscenely in his boxers just like Calum was as the dark-haired man gripped Michael’s hips tightly, rocking down against him.

Michael was panting by the time Calum pulled their boxers down and a moan tore out of the golden-haired man when Calum pressed back against him again, slick cocks rubbing together as Michael’s toes curled at the pleasure burning through him.

“We have to be quiet,” Calum cautioned gently as he drew away, teeth catching lightly on Michael’s earlobe before he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the soft skin beneath Michael’s ear, making him shudder.

“ _Trying_ ,” Michael promised but another moan escaped him when Calum’s hands slipped round to grip his arse. The dark-haired man’s eyes glittered down at him.

“I know you are,” Calum whispered, so close that his lips brushed Michael’s warmly as his hands moved to spread Michael gently, fingers kneading the warm flesh as Michael’s lips fell open around a silent moan.

“Cal,” Michael whimpered, hands fisting the blanket tightly as his hips juddered. “Cal, _please_. I – I need – _Oh_!”

“Yeah?” Calum asked in a low voice, sliding his finger between Michael’s cheeks and brushing the tip teasingly over his hole. “Yeah? You like that?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Michael breathed, biting his bottom lip hard as he pressed his head back onto the arm of the sofa, exposing his throat. Calum sucked a bruise into it, gently enough that it would _probably_ have faded by the next morning. “Yeah, Cal, _shit_.”

Michael’s hips bucked forwards and he moaned when his cock brushed against Calum’s thigh, leaving a smear of pre-cum behind. His eyes were teary now and he was staring at Calum desperately but he was still clutching the blanket tightly in his hands just like he’d been told to.

“You’re so _good_ ,” Calum whispered lovingly, lips trailing distractedly across Michael’s jaw. “You’re so good, sweetheart. Doing just what I tell you, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed but his cheeks were pink as his lips tugged up at the praise. Calum’s heart felt lighter in his chest as he started to circle his fingertip and the whine that tore out of Michael was undeniably hot.

“Gonna take care of you,” Calum promised, licking at the seal of Michael’s lips and swallowing the older man’s moan as he reached down carefully between them. Calum wrapped his fingers firmly around Michael’s flushed cock and his hips jerked at the friction as Calum started to jerk his fist.

“You were so good while you were waiting for me,” the younger man whispered as Michael arched his back beneath them. Calum was still circling his finger and Michael was fluttering at the faintest hint of pressure, so needy now that a sob tore out of him when Calum moved his hands away slowly, letting them fall to stroke his boyfriend’s thighs. “If you’re good _now_ then I’ll finger you,” Calum whispered and Michael looked dazed as he lay there beneath him, arms stretched out above his head, cock hard and leaking onto his pale stomach.

“ _Really_?” Michael breathed like he was hardly daring to hope, his eyes blown like he was already too far gone to come back now – so Calum would look after him; he could do that.

“Promise,” Calum said. “You just have to be quiet… so you don’t wake anyone up.”

“I can do that,” Michael breathed, pressing his lips firmly together as he looked up at Calum with need burning in his eyes.

“God, you’re so good for me, sweetheart,” Calum murmured and the pride on Michael’s face made him glow as Calum reached to spread his thighs gently. “I love you so much,” Calum whispered and Michael mouthed it back to him which impressed the dark-haired man; Michael literally _never_ stopped being sarcastic and it was truly a beautiful thing.

“Ready for my fingers?” Calum whispered and Michael’s lips parted around a moan but he caught himself just in time, teeth sinking into his bottom lip instead. Calum sucked Michael’s lip into his mouth as he reached for the lube and Michael was shaking beneath him now, hips jerking like he just couldn’t wait. Michael’s lips parted silently and Calum stroked his cheek. “You can talk, Mikey.”

“ _Please_ ,” Michael begged but his breath kept catching in his throat and his chest was heaving now. Calum frowned faintly, reaching to stroke Michael’s pale shoulders gently until the golden-haired man’s breathing sounded a little calmer.

“Deep breaths, Mikey,” Calum reminded him and Michael nodded, sucking on his bottom lip as he seemed to almost melt beneath Calum. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Gonna make you feel so good, okay?”

Michael nodded and Calum’s smile was gentle as it tugged at his lips. He ducked his head, dark curls tumbling across his forehead as he slicked his fingers up with lube. Michael was watching him with dark eyes and he tightened his hold on his fistfuls of blanket when Calum stroked the pad of his finger over Michael’s soft pink hole again.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael whined, so quietly that Calum didn’t bother to call him out on it. “ _Please_.”

Calum didn’t speak again; he just smiled softly as he pressed the first finger in and watched the golden-haired man begin to fall apart.

When Calum eased his second finger in and started to thrust them into the older man’s tight heat, Michael couldn’t keep his moans in anymore. They were pouring out of him – quiet at first but growing rapidly louder when Calum made the mistake of brushing his prostate – and it was so hot but it was inconvenient when they were trying to stay quiet.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael whimpered, golden hair sticking to his sweaty forehead as he rolled his hips desperately back, taking Calum’s fingers in again and again. Michael’s eyes were a bit glazed and he didn’t look like he was totally there anymore, and Calum felt faintly proud as he dropped a kiss onto the older man’s panting lips.

“You’ve gotta be _quiet_ , Mikey,” Calum cautioned but he was easing a third finger inside now, opening Michael up on them as the older man clenched down, moaning louder. Apparently Michael _couldn’t_ be quiet anymore and Calum knew neither of them wanted to stop so… maybe they’d have to come up with a compromise. Calum brushed Michael’s lips with his thumb and the older man opened his mouth, sucking on it and making Calum groan softly as his cock grew harder at the sensation of Michael’s tongue swirling.

Calum looked around for a moment, still stroking his fingers in and out of Michael before his dark gaze settled on the older man’s fingers twisting in the blanket. _The blanket_. Calum smirked faintly as he took the corner of the soft material in his hand, folding it a little as he considered it before Michael saw what he was doing and gave a jerky nod, taking it into his mouth. The moans were muffled through the material but at least neither of them had to worry anymore.

“You’re such a good boy for me,” Calum murmured and the words were out before he could stop them; Calum bit his lip, hoping Michael wouldn’t think it was weird. Fortunately for him, all Michael did was moan louder and press his head back again as his cock shot out a spurt of pre-cum over his stomach.

Huh. Maybe Michael didn’t think it was weird at all.

“You’re so good,” Calum whispered again, kissing Michael’s cheeks, his eyelids, his neck. The dark-haired man’s fingers were still sliding inside and he was so velvety in there, hot and soft and perfect.

Calum craved it.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Calum asked gently and Michael gave a jerky nod, golden hair falling into his eyes so much that Calum had to brush it back gently. “Remember: don’t cum until I say you can… so we don’t make a mess, okay?”

Michael nodded again, eyelashes spiky with tears, cherry-red lips soft around the blanket. Calum smiled at him reassuringly, pressing a gentle kiss to Michael’s forehead before he moved away to roll on a condom and some lube.

“ _Cal_.” It came out garbled around the blanket and Calum started laughing when he saw Michael watching him reproachfully, lust colouring his face, vague scowl doing absolutely nothing to hide the love in his eyes.

“I just need lube, Mikey. I don’t want to hurt you,” Calum said softly, sobering a little when Michael’s expression softened. Calum brushed Michael’s jaw gently with his knuckles before he dropped his hand to slick himself up, groaning low in his throat at the sensation.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Calum said when Michael looked impatient. He raised his eyebrow suggestively when the younger man said that though and Calum rolled his eyes, seriously considering tickling Michael except that was _bound_ to end noisily.

“Stop being like Jack and Luke,” Calum pleaded, kissing Michael on the end of the nose as he settled back down again, carefully positioning himself. “I can’t have sex with you if you do that.”

Michael gave Calum his best wounded look but his hands were trembling slightly with need as they tightened in the blanket and Calum ducked his head to kiss Michael’s neck gently.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered and the older man relaxed down against the blanket. “I’ve got you, I promise.”

Michael moaned when Calum started to push in, clenching down around the head of Calum’s cock, the pressure so goddamn perfect that Calum’s vision whited out for a few seconds. Michael was _so_ hard now – flushed and leaking – but Calum couldn’t help him get off yet, not if he wanted to avoid a mess. Calum would just have to make him feel even better afterwards to make up for it.

Calum rolled his hips slowly, pushing in a little further every time until he was buried in Michael’s tight heat. It felt so good – _amazing_ really – and Michael was rolling his hips back like he couldn’t stand not having Calum inside him.

The dark-haired man pulled out carefully, only to thrust back in just as slowly. He stared down between them in what could almost be described as awe, watching with fascination as his cock disappeared inside Michael again and again.

“You’re so good at taking this, sweetheart,” Calum ground out, voice rough as his head fell down to rest against Michael’s. The older man’s chest was heaving again but his eyes were almost black now and he whined through the blanket when Calum reached to stroke his nipples again, pinching and squeezing as Michael writhed, arching his back into the contact.

“You’re so good, Mikey,” Calum said, groaning when Michael clenched down tightly around him. “So fucking good.”

Michael was moaning even louder through the blankets and his eyes suddenly widened when Calum’s cock hit his prostate dead-on. Calum tried to remember where it was, being careful only to hit it a few times because he didn’t want Michael to cum yet. He’d already had an idea about that. Michael mumbled something through the blanket that sounded like ‘ _more_ ’ and Calum withdrew carefully, lifting Michael’s legs gently so that the older man would fold them.

When Calum sank back inside, it felt even tighter and Michael moaned _so_ loudly into the blanket. Calum laughed at Michael, kissing the corner of his mouth as he rolled his hips again, only Calum’s laugh turned into a loud groan when Michael clenched down tightly around him and... okay, maybe Michael wasn’t the _only_ one who could be loud sometimes.

Calum could feel the heat settling low in his stomach as his fingertips pressed into Michael’s pale thighs and Calum’s hips jerked as he grinded in deeper. His balls were drawn up tight to his body and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer because Michael felt too good wrapped around him – hot and fucking _perfect_ as Calum’s slick cock fucked into him, hips pistoning faster and faster as he neared the end.

“ _Shit_ , Mikey,” Calum gasped out, biting his full bottom lip hard to keep his moans in as his stomach muscles tensed and his trembling hands found purchase on Michael’s shoulders. “I love you. I - _fuck_!”

Calum’s orgasm seemed to come from his toes almost, rising from so deep inside him that he almost couldn’t breathe as his hips rocked against Michael’s. Calum stilled, grinding in deep as his breath escaped him in a broken moan and Michael finally dropped the blanket, pulling it from his mouth and moving to smooth his hands comfortingly down Calum’s back.

“It’s okay. I love you,” Michael whispered, voice gentle and rough. His cherry-red lips were swollen and his eyes were still wet when Calum raised his head jerkily a few moments later, a slightly drunk-looking smile twisting his full lips as he stretched to kiss Michael gently.

“I love you,” Calum mumbled, pressing another soft kiss to Michael’s neck as he eased out carefully. He sorted the condom quickly, wrapping it in a tissue and deciding he could deal with it later because Michael looked _wrecked_ as he lay there, thick cock laying heavy and leaking on his stomach as his chest heaved.

“What’re you gonna do to me?” Michael breathed, pupils blown and eyes desperate. Calum smirked and the butterflies in Michael’s stomach went wild.

“I’m not done kissing everywhere yet,” he murmured and Michael moaned at that, but it was a soft sound and Calum didn’t bother to shush him. He also didn’t bother speaking again because Michael’s flushed cock was kind of making Calum’s mouth water and… and _damn_ , he couldn’t believe they hadn’t _done_ this yet.

Michael’s moan was choked when Calum opened his mouth around Michael’s cock, sucking at the head. Michael’s pale thighs tensed and his hands stroked clumsily at Calum’s hair, and the soft little sounds tearing out of Michael were so lovely. Calum swirled his tongue around the tip, making Michael choke on air.

Calum’s fingers were still a little slick from the lube earlier and he eased his hand down, glancing up and taking in the absolute pleasure saturating Michael’s face as he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. That only made the startled moan that escaped him when Calum teased his hole with his fingertip all the more satisfying.

Michael’s hips jerked and Calum held him down with his free hand as he sucked more of Michael into his mouth, bobbing his head as he pressed two fingers into Michael’s hole. The older man fluttered around him, hips jerking beneath Calum’s palm, body shuddering as pre-cum welled up in the slit.

Calum swallowed Michael down, sliding his fingers deeper inside Michael as the golden-haired man’s breath rasped out of him, indicating that he wasn’t going to last much longer. Calum wanted to smile but he wanted to make Michael cum more so he focused on finding Michael’s prostate with his searching fingers as he bobbed his head, sucking harder at the older man’s cock.

Michael was sobbing now but the sound was weak with need as his fingers twisted in Calum’s dark curls. Michael’s cheeks were flushed red and he was panting, swollen lips falling open around his moans as Calum worked to relax his throat muscles, forcing Michael down.

“ _Cal_ ,” Michael sobbed out and there were tears burning in his eyes now, and Calum’s mouth might have been enough on its own but the younger man’s fingers had finally pressed against Michael’s prostate, making pleasure crash down over him like never before.

Michael gasped out a warning, hips jerking as he tried to hold back, but Calum didn’t _want_ him to hold back. He’d wanted this all along.

Calum sucked harder as he fucked his fingers back into Michael’s hole and the golden-haired man arched his back as he came so, _so_ hard.

Calum removed his fingers carefully when Michael started to flinch through the aftershocks, slowly pulling back until Michael’s softening cock fell to rest gently against his thigh. Calum swallowed, took in the slight widening of Michael’s eyes and the lust still lingering on his exhausted face before he tugged Calum down hopefully, kissing the taste of himself from the taller man’s mouth.

“I love you,” Michael whispered, voice rough and exhausted. His skin was warm and soft against Calum’s, and he was cuddling his boyfriend close like he couldn’t stand the thought of not touching him anymore.

Calum smiled, catching Michael’s lips in a softer kiss as he smoothed the older man’s golden hair back gently.

“I love you too,” Calum reminded him. “To the moon.”

They fell into bed at around eleven o’clock, and Michael went to sleep with a smile on his face and Calum’s legs tangled comfortingly with his.

He hoped this never ended.

(When he opened his eyes the next morning as the sun warmed his skin and Calum snuggled closer with a little snuffling noise, Michael knew it never would.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this!  
> Thank you so much for reading :)  
> Please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos <3


	24. The Sun Began To Set

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I'm starting to get that feeling that everything's coming to an end now and it's making me get a bit emotional. Wow. I am truly lame.  
> Anyway, I hope you all like this!  
> Thank you :)

**_It's okay, life is a tough crowd._ **

 

Mali said yes to the proposal which was no surprise to anyone besides Tom.

Calum’s sister was _glowing_ when she came round to tell them that evening, almost punching Michael in the face when she shoved her hand under his nose to show him the ring sparkling on her finger. Calum barrelled past Michael to pull her into a hug and Mali screeched at him when she realised the pair of them had already known.

“Did Tom cry when he proposed?” Calum asked and Mali jabbed him in the ribs with her fingers, tickling him so violently that Calum had to hide behind Michael, laughing wheezily as he used his boyfriend like a human shield.

“We _both_ ended up sobbing actually, you little -” Mali caught herself before she swore, apparently remembering that Georgie and Lily were in the living room. Michael resisted the urge to give her a thumbs up like Lily. “And then we ordered curries and watched _Cruel Intentions_ , and Tom passed out on the sofa because apparently he's been too nervous to sleep recently.”

“Wow,” Calum said, raising an eyebrow as he buried his smile in Michael’s shoulder. “Usually the night of a wedding proposal is a lot more romantic.”

“That’s just the films,” Mali said, patting him on the cheek sarcastically before her expression softened. “Where are my princesses? I want to show them the ring!”

The engagement party approached quickly and the girls were _beyond_ excited about it.

Lily had picked out a lilac-coloured dress with a little silver cardigan to wear over the top, and Calum plaited a lock of her long blonde hair on the evening of the party, fastening it with purple ribbon. Michael had to wrestle Georgie into her formal blue shorts and little white shirt but she was a lot more amenable when he distracted her by telling her a slightly ridiculous story about a cat who drove race cars (since Georgie loved cats and race cars).

Michael went to fix his golden hair once he was done putting her curls in bunches, struggling with it for a long time before he finally gave up because they had to leave soon. The girls had already disappeared downstairs by this point - Michael could hear the chatter of the television but he wasn’t too bothered since at least it meant they were quiet - and the golden-haired man went off in search of Calum.

He found him standing in their bedroom, dressed in a white shirt and a charcoal-coloured suit as he peered at himself in the mirror hanging inside their wardrobe. He was fiddling with the tie looped around his neck, frowning as he tried to fix it. Michael smiled gently as he appeared behind him, reaching to knot it neatly around Calum’s throat. Michael pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s shoulder through the suit as he smoothed Calum's collar down carefully.

“Darling?" the golden-haired man asked softly because there was something faintly melancholy on Calum’s face as he looked at Michael in the mirror. "Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Calum said but his chocolate brown eyes were shimmering with tears. He gave a concerned Michael a watery smile. “I just can’t believe she’s getting _married_. I can’t believe we’re all so different, Mikey. It’s… it’s _scary_. We’re all changing so _much_ and...”

“Oh, Cal,” Michael breathed, hands settling comfortingly on Calum’s hips as he turned him gently to face him. Calum’s full lips were soft against Michael’s when he leant to press a gentle kiss there. “It’s like you said before, remember? We’re not changing. We’re just growing up. Everyone's still who they should be. Mali’s still Mali and Tom’s still Tom, and we’re still _us_. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Georgie appeared in the doorway, bunches already scruffy from where she’d been running around downstairs. She frowned when she saw the tears in Calum’s eyes, looking at her father warily and wandering hesitantly closer when Michael gave her a reassuring nod.

Georgie wrapped her arms around Calum’s thigh, pressing her little face into his leg.

“Daddy?” she asked Michael, biting her lip as she looked up at him. Calum sniffed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve before he stroked the five year old’s curls gently. “Why’s other daddy sad?” That was what Georgie had started calling Calum and it was unbearably sweet.

“He just really wants to get to Tom and Mali’s party,” Michael lied although Calum slumped back against him in relief. “So we have to be ready to leave for the hall in a few minutes. Can you please tell Lily that you both need to put your shoes on now for me? So we can leave at six o’clock?”

“Uh-huh,” Georgie said, peeling herself off of Calum’s leg and smiling up at them both, freckly nose scrunching up as she grinned. “I can count to six, daddy. One, two, three… uh… five, six.”

“Almost perfect, you clever girl,” Michael smiled, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head before he ushered her gently from the room. Calum’s eyes were soft when she disappeared downstairs - apparently remembering the number four halfway down if her triumphant shout was anything to go by - but Calum's dimples were showing in his cheeks again as he reached out to squeeze his boyfriend’s hand gently.

“Thank you,” Calum murmured. He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, managing a wry smile. “Sorry for… that. I guess I’m just in a weird mood about it. I’ll be fine once we get there probably.”

“You’re going to be okay, Cal,” Michael promised, lacing his fingers gently with his boyfriend’s as he towed Calum towards the stairs. “Now let’s go and make sure Lily’s remembered how to lace her shoes, okay? We should leave if we’re going to get there in time.”

“Is the present already in the car?” Calum checked and Michael nodded, kneeling down to help Georgie with her shoes since she’d conveniently forgotten to put them on.

Michael was quite looking forward to seeing what Mali and Tom thought of the present actually.

They'd found it so hard to choose something nice for the pair that, in the end, they’d decided on something a little bit more unconventional.

Michael went into town with Lily and they picked out a pretty picture frame from a vintage shop; it was painted white with flowers carved into the wood, and the background was a watercolour painting of clouds. Calum bought a game of Scrabble and Georgie helped him sort through the tiles for the correct letters so that they could spell out the words ‘Mali’, ‘Tom’ and ‘Congratulations’.

Back at home, they stuck the tiles onto the picture frame while the girls stuck a ton of little decorative flowers all around the edges. It was a little bit lopsided and distinctly homemade but Calum insisted that it was one of the cutest things he’d ever seen, and Michael had to admit that it was pretty sweet.

“Time to go,” Michael said, letting them out into the cool evening air as the sun began to set.

The hall was decorated beautifully when they arrived. There was a large banner with ‘ **Congratulations, Tom & Mali!**’ printed across it and there was a long table covered with a white cloth for the buffet, its surface interrupted with lots of little metal lanterns with heart-shaped windows in to show the little flickering flames of the tealights inside.

White and gold balloons were scattered across the room, much to Georgie’s absolute delight - she was chasing them and kicking them across the floor with one of Calum’s second-cousins while the pair of them cackled with laughter - and there was a big pile of presents and cards on a table beside the door.

Mali was singing ‘Put A Ring On It’ as she came over to greet them, dressed in a cranberry-coloured tulle party dress that made the golden streaks in her long hair stand out. She flung her tanned arms around Calum’s shoulders the moment she saw him and he clung to her tightly as Michael nudged the girls over towards Tom to say congratulations.

“I’m so happy for you, Mali,” Calum murmured but his voice was almost lost beneath the swell of music and the laughter of the other guests. “So, _so_ happy. You deserve this more than anyone.”

Mali’s dark eyes were glistening with tears but she pulled Calum into an even tighter hug, squeezing him comfortingly when he gave a little sob.

“You soppy thing,” she whispered but her eyes were wet and Calum hoped her makeup was waterproof. “Go and see Tom, yeah? I want to say hiya to Mikey and the girls.”

Mali pecked Calum on the cheek before she turned to glide away, head held high and shoulders back. _God_ , Calum was proud of her.

He had to swallow past the lump in his throat when Tom turned to him with this brilliant smile on his face, so bright that it seemed to light up the dimly lit hall. There were fairy lights strung up on the walls and their soft glow reminded Calum of the girls' bedroom back home as Tom started towards him. The older man's happiness was tangible as he came to a stop in front of Calum but there was the faintest trace of concern colouring his expression as he squeezed Calum’s shoulder gently.

“You okay, buddy?” Tom asked, voice soft and reassuring.

Mali was lingering nearby, arms wrapped around Michael’s shoulders before she turned to coo at Lily and Georgie. Calum’s eyes prickled and he inhaled shakily.

“You keep loving her, Tom, okay?” Calum said but his voice was thick with tears. He felt better once the words started coming out. “You keep loving her. Don’t ever hurt her.”

“I’m never going to hurt her, Cal. I love her to the stars.” Tom rolled his eyes fondly, pulling Calum into a tight hug. “You said this to me before… do you remember?” he asked and the younger man blushed, tongue in cheek as he smiled sheepishly down at his polished shoes. “You were fourteen years old and you maybe came up to my elbow, and you were coming up with all kinds of threats, right? And then I told you I loved her… that I was never going to hurt her... and your whole face changed, remember? You punched me on the shoulder and said something stupid… but I can’t remember what.”

“I said ‘ _Bro, you’re alright with me_ ’,” Calum remembered, hiding his watery laugh in Tom’s neck as the older man pulled him into another tight hug. “I’m sorry,” Calum mumbled, keeping his voice soft so that it wouldn’t have a chance to break. “I just love her so damn much… and you make her so happy. I want you both to be okay. I need you to be.”

“We’re going to be better than okay, Cal,” Tom promised and his voice was so soft as he looked down at Calum then. It reminded the dark-haired man of being a kid again, just a teenager as Tom tried to put into words how much he adored Calum’s sister. “Everything’s going to be great.”

 

**_Thirty two, and still growin' up now._ **

 

Calum and Michael had started to look at houses together once they’d asked the girls what they thought - Lily had squealed and clapped her hands together happily while Georgie had meowed excitedly - but they were in no particular rush and it was almost three months before they found somewhere that looked promising.

“What do you think of this one, sweetheart?” Calum asked from where he was sitting at the breakfast bar, sock-clad feet underneath him even though he would inevitably complain that his back hurt later. Michael smiled wryly as he walked up behind him, pressing a gentle kiss to the bruise he’d sucked into Calum’s neck the night before as his emerald green eyes settled on the laptop screen.

“Oh,” Michael said in surprise, full lips twitching up into an unconscious smile as Calum scrolled slowly through the pictures.

The white stone house was beautiful, the entire front wall covered with honeysuckle creeping up a trellis. It was set back from the road on a long sweeping drive and there was the glimmer of a swimming pool behind it which didn’t worry Michael since both of the girls could already swim. There were three bedrooms, the bathroom looked lovely, and the kitchen was possibly the nicest one Michael had ever seen outside of a cookery programme. It wasn’t too far from where Calum’s current place was either so at least it wouldn’t be an issue with work or school.

“Wow,” Michael breathed and Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were twinkling as he tipped his head back to press a kiss to the underside of his boyfriend’s jaw.

“It’s a nice place, huh?” Calum said teasingly and Michael was in love with it right up until he saw the price.

“Ouch,” he murmured, face falling. Calum frowned faintly, fingertips gentle as he brushed Michael’s jaw comfortingly. “We could never afford that, Cal. Not if we’re paying half each. Not with my salary… and I couldn’t expect you to -”

“Mikey,” Calum interrupted calmly, voice soft and measured. Michael fell silent, biting his bottom lip anxiously as Calum straightened up, turning to face him. The younger man took Michael’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs comfortingly into the pale skin as he raised them to press a kiss to Michael’s knuckles.

“I don’t care what your salary is,” Calum said, covering Michael’s lips with his finger when the older man started to object weakly. “I promise you, Mikey; it doesn’t matter to me. I wouldn’t want any money at all if I couldn’t spend it on making sure you and the girls - _our_ girls - are happy. So why can’t I do this for us? Why can’t I do something that’s going to _keep_ making us happy for years and years?”

Michael stared at Calum with wide eyes, blinking back what might have been tears as he pressed a kiss to Calum’s fingertip where it was still resting lightly against his lips. The younger man smiled.

“Calum Hood, you are possibly the most generous and wonderful person I’ve ever known,” Michael breathed and Calum smiled brighter.

“So what do you say?” he asked, dimples popping out on his cheeks, dark curls falling casually across his forehead. Fuck, he was so goddamn beautiful and Michael was never going to be able to put into words how much he adored him.

“Yes,” Michael murmured, pushing Calum’s hand lightly aside and pulling him closer by the open collar of his plaid shirt as he peppered his boyfriend’s face with kisses, making Calum giggle. “Yes, yes, yes.”

“That’s good,” Calum said and he was kind of beaming as he pulled away. “Want to see what the girls think?”

“Sure,” Michael said happily, pressing one more kiss to Calum’s cheek before he headed over to the open back door, calling them in from where they’d been playing on the patio. “Girls? Want to see a house we’ve found?”

“Yes!” Georgie ran inside with her red race car clutched tightly in her hand, the knees of her dungarees dirty with grass stains and mud, her cheeks flushed from laughing and playing. Lily’s long blonde hair was in disarray but she was smiling happily as she picked a blade of grass from the soft blue denim of her skirt.

“What do you guys think?” Calum asked curiously, angling the laptop screen down so that they could both see it properly from where they were standing by Michael’s feet. (Georgie was actually standing _on_ his feet and she wasn’t as light as she used to be; Michael wasn’t sure his toes were going to survive.)

“It’s flowery!” Georgie said, wrinkling her nose before she saw the swimming pool and decided she didn’t care. Lily was looking at the screen dreamily, emerald eyes soft and sparkling as she jabbed her finger towards one of the pictures. Calum clicked on it to make it bigger and Michael looked at the garden stretching back into trees and flowers. There would definitely be room for a swingset and maybe even a slide.

God, his girls were going to be so happy. No, _their_ girls. Michael and Calum’s.

 **Theirs**.

“I like the garden,” Lily said quietly, tucking her blonde wavy hair behind her ears. “The puppies could play in that.”

“You’re right,” Calum said slowly, face faintly awestruck as he looked over at Michael with love smouldering in his eyes. “They could.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I really hope you guys enjoyed it and I can't wait to hear what you think <3  
> Thank you!


	25. Along The Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, so basically I’ve realised there’s actually going to be a tiny bit more than I originally thought: this chapter, two more chapters, and then I’m going to write an epilogue (which I’m genuinely really, really excited for you all to read). So yes. Just a PSA.  
> Also I literally just sat there and cooed while I wrote this chapter. I'm off work sick today but this cheered me up quite a lot so hopefully you guys will enjoy this too!

**_Who you are is not what you did._ **

 

Calum hurtled through the door after work on Wednesday night with an excited shout.

Michael - who had just been dishing up the girls’ dinner (cheesy pasta bake tonight) - looked up in surprise, taking in the light dancing in his boyfriend’s eyes as he bent down to scoop an easily-excited Georgie up, swinging her round in a circle and making her giggle. Lily knelt up on the kitchen chair where she’d been waiting for her food, watching the dark-haired man curiously.

“Uh… Calum?” Michael asked weakly, faint smile curling his lips as he leant back against the counter. “Uh… what… what are you doing?”

Calum’s expression became comical as he gasped out a shocked sounding: “You mean you don’t _know_?!” Michael must have looked as perplexed as he felt because Calum looked momentarily stunned. “Haven’t you checked your phone, Mike? Ash said he texted everyone…”

“My phone died at work today and Mahir wasn’t in so I couldn’t borrow his charger,” Michael said, wide eyed as he pushed away from the counter. Calum met him halfway across the kitchen, hands settling naturally on Michael's waist. “Oh my god, Calum, what happened?”

“Bryana had the baby!” the dark-haired man exclaimed and then Michael was kind of crying into Calum’s shoulder a bit because **babies** and… and _Ashton and Bryana_ growing up and... God, his heart hurt in his chest.

“Ashton sent the cutest picture ever too,” Calum grinned but his eyes were soft as he reached to brush one of Michael’s tears away gently. “Look, let me find it.”

Calum was right about how sweet it was.

They must have asked a nurse to take the picture because all of them were in it. Bryana was sitting cushioned against the pillows in a hospital bed, tired-looking but still just as pretty as always. Ashton’s arm was looped gently around her shoulders and he was smiling so wide but he looked like he’d been crying. His free hand was resting carefully on the bundle in her lap and, when Calum tapped on the screen to zoom in, Lily let out an adoring squeal. (Georgie was looking longingly toward her pasta bake.)

“ _This_ -” Calum began as Michael took in a flash of dark hair, a round button nose and sleepy blue eyes that made his heart melt. “- is Morgan.”

Michael was very close to clapping his hand over his heart because he actually turned into a pathetic puddle of mush when he saw something cute. He figured it made sense really - Lily had to have inherited it from _someone_.

“Are you flailing, Michael?” Calum asked teasingly and Michael grinned but his eyes were still so soft.

“Only a little bit,” he promised, running a hand through his golden hair ruefully. “My god, isn’t he just the cutest?”

With hindsight, Michael possibly could have chosen some better wording because Lily looked most offended and Georgie tried to glare at him (but it was made wholly ineffective by the fact that she’d somehow managed to get a line of purple felt tip pen on her nose earlier in the day).

“Do you like Morgan more than you like us?” Georgie pouted and Michael rolled his eyes fondly, crouching down beside her and Lily’s chairs.

“Not at all, silly. Morgan might be adorable but you two are _my_ babies,” Michael said, bopping them both on the nose before he jokingly added: “Plus, at least you two both sleep through the night.”

“Don’t babies sleep?” Georgie asked, frowning down at him. “Are they like vampires? _Vampires_ don’t sleep.”

“Yes, they do, Georgie,” Lily said loftily, rolling her eyes. “They sleep in _coffins_. Everyone knows that.”

“I want to be a vampire!” Georgie shouted, lunging towards her sister like she was planning on biting her. Michael pulled a screaming Lily’s chair back out of harm’s way.

“Morgan is definitely not a vampire. He’s just a baby,” Michael said heavily, doing his best to ignore Calum’s sniggering as the dark-haired man carried the girls’ dinners over to the table. “Now eat your pasta bake please, vampire cat. And - yes, meow, Georgie - and you eat too please, Lil. Stop pouting.”

Lily pouted even more at that, just because she could, but she also shovelled some pasta into her mouth so Michael decided he was going to count that one as a win.

“Bryana’s out of hospital on Friday but Ash said we were welcome to go and visit tomorrow,” Calum told Michael quietly as the pair of them went to get their own plates. “Could we go after work? Once we’ve picked the girls up from the childminder?”

“That sounds really lovely,” Michael said quietly and Calum’s dark eyes were so soft in the moments before they fluttered shut as he drew Michael into a gentle kiss.

“We’re moving in together,” Calum remembered suddenly before his full tips tugged up into a smile as he turned away, carrying their food over to the table to join the girls. Michael’s cheeks were flushed when he sat down beside his boyfriend.

“Can we have more fairy lights in the new house?” Lily piped up as Michael ate a forkful of pasta bake. She looked so hopeful that Michael couldn’t even _pretend_ to refuse.

“Of course,” he said. “Princesses need fairy lights. That’s practically a given.”

Lily beamed at him as Georgie lifted her little red race car from where she’d been hiding it in her lap, quietly relaying the news to it.

“No race cars at the table!” Michael said, swiping it from her and leaning back to set the toy on the counter. Georgie glowered but it was for her own good really; last time it had got covered with tomato sauce. “Georgie, stop glowering! You can have it back afterwards.”

“But I want Samson _now_ ,” she whined. Michael and Calum didn’t know why she’d named her toy car Samson but, somewhere along the way, they’d decided not to question it.

“Later,” Michael said. “If you eat up, you can both have some ice cream. I’ll even let you put your own sprinkles on if you promise not to tip them all over the table like last time… okay?”

The five year old considered but Lily was currently miming pleading with her so Georgie accepted with surprising grace. She wasn’t a monster after all.

Michael rolled his eyes at them but the love he felt for his little family was filling him up so much that his heart felt like it was too big for his chest.

“You used to say you didn’t like babies, Mike. Do you remember? Said it wasn’t punk rock,” Calum recalled suddenly, finally starting to eat his dinner as Michael reached to cover the dark-haired man’s free hand gently with his own.

“Yeah, well, I grew up,” Michael said, rolling his eyes again. Calum’s expression grew softer as he turned his hand gently to lace his fingers with Michael’s.

“We both did.”

By Thursday evening, Michael’s heart still felt like it was going to explode in his chest with the sheer amount of _love_ inside him but he figured it was a lot nicer than feeling anxiety there instead.

Calum and their girls had helped him so damn much. Michael would never be able to put his gratitude into words.

Georgie got quiet when they approached the hospital, refusing to walk any closer until Calum picked her up, settling her on his hip. Georgie had always been a bit wary of people who were ill or injured - that time Calum had got hurt was a case in point - and Michael was glad she was being brave now.

Lily was a lot more excited. She was wearing a purple pinafore with little golden stars sewn into the material which usually she only wore at Christmas - Michael figured that said a lot about how amazing she found the idea of Morgan.

Calum texted Ashton once they entered the building and the curly-haired man appeared by the lifts a few minutes later, dashing over to embrace them before he turned to lead the way back to Bryana’s room. Georgie perked up when she saw Ashton, giving him her usual meow of greeting although she refused to let Calum put her down on the floor. Ashton meowed back before he turned to tell Lily that he liked her outfit. She did a special twirl in it to make the skirt fan out, and Ashton’s glittering hazel eyes were almost as soft as Michael’s and Calum’s when the group of them finally left the lift.

The room was at the end of a long white corridor and Georgie squeaked fearfully when she heard wailing.

“It’s just a baby crying, Georgie,” Michael heard Calum murmuring to her softly, tanned hand rubbing her back comfortingly. “The baby’s probably just hungry. It’s nothing to be scared of.”

“There’s no vampires?” she checked quietly and Ashton looked up in surprise. Calum grimaced, stroking Georgie’s curls gently as Lily reached to take Michael’s hand, like she was eavesdropping and worrying too.

“Of course not,” Calum said. “Everyone knows vampires only live on, like, Saturn or something. You don’t have to worry.”

“Oh right. Okay,” Georgie said, giving him a wide smile. “Thanks, other daddy. Meow.”

“Meow, princess Georgie.”

Ashton still looked faintly bemused but his dimples were creasing his cheeks as he motioned to a door nearby. The blinds were pulled down over the observation panel but they all knew Bryana and Morgan were in there judging by the sudden adoration flooding Ashton’s face.

“You have to be a bit quiet so you don’t scare the baby. Can you do that for me?” he asked the girls softly and they both nodded. Ashton looked up, his expression so excited as he smiled back at Michael and Calum.

“C’mon in then,” Ashton said quietly, opening the door.

Bryana was sitting in bed looking much the same as she had done in the picture her husband had sent, long blonde hair in a plait that made Lily stare longingly, eyes tired and loving. She was cradling Morgan to her chest and, although Bryana looked up to greet them, her soft dark eyes quickly returned to the baby boy’s face.

Morgan mewled softly like he could tell they were all watching him, little pink fist gripping the edge of the blanket tightly as he screwed his face up. Georgie wriggled to get down from Calum’s arms, apparently keen to move closer. Her green eyes became wide and surprisingly soft when Morgan mewled again.

“Meow,” she replied quietly and the baby snuffled. Georgie’s face lit up.

“Morgan’s a kitten,” Georgie said knowledgeably and Lily smiled, squeezing her little sister’s hand in her own as she stretched up on her tiptoes to see better. Bryana’s tired face softened as she sank back more comfortably into the pillows, Morgan cradled in her arms carefully.

“I’m just going to go and grab a coffee quickly now you're not alone,” Ashton said softly, cupping Bryana’s face for a moment in both hands and pressing a brief kiss to her forehead before he stroked Morgan’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Do you want anything while I’m down there?”

“I’m good, thank you,” Bryana said softly and Ashton dimpled at her, squeezing her shoulder gently before he left the room. Lily and Georgie were still staring at the baby in awe, and Calum’s expression was so soft as he sat down on an uncomfortable plastic chair, Michael beside him.

“Congratulations, Bry,” Calum said softly and Bryana smiled, fingers carding through Morgan’s dark hair gently.

“He’s got so much hair already,” Michael grinned. “Lily had nothing when she was born. Georgie’s kind of fell out before it grew back properly.”

“They’re strange little things, aren’t they?” Calum laughed quietly but his face was so soft and fond as he looked at the baby, watching as Morgan curled his tiny fingers tightly around Bryana’s thumb. “He’s so sweet.”

The baby made a little snuffling sound as his dark eyes fluttered shut and the love on Bryana’s face brought a lump to Michael's throat. He made a small startled sound when he looked up and saw that there were tears running down her cheeks.

“Do you want me to go and find Ash?” Calum asked her softly and she pressed her lips together hard, managing a watery smile as she nodded. “Okay,” the dark-haired man said softly, eyes widening fractionally when the tearful blonde woman reached for Michael’s hand. “Georgie? Lily? You want to help me find Ashton?”

The two girls went with him quietly and Michael leant closer to the bed, covering Bryana's hand with both of his own.

“I think it’s normal to cry at a time like this,” Michael said softly when Bryana’s cheeks flamed as she tried to wipe her tears away one-handed. Morgan gurgled from where he was lying against her chest and Michael could already see how much she loved him.

“I’m so scared, Mike,” she whispered, squeezing his hand comfortingly before she dropped it to card her fingers gently through the baby’s dark hair instead. “He’s so tiny. He’s _perfect_. I just want to be a good mother.”

“You’ll be an amazing mother, Bry. I know you will,” Michael said softly, keeping his voice little more than a murmur so that it wouldn’t crack. The baby’s eyes flickered behind his lids and his tiny pink ear looked like a sea shell as he mewled again. “Maybe _because_ you’re crying now.”

When Bryana looked up at him in confusion, Michael managed a wry smile.

“Hannah never cried. Not with Lily or Georgie. She didn’t care and that made her a bad mother. She never once cried… but you’re crying so much, right? You’re crying just like _I_ did when the girls were born. You’re crying because you can’t believe you helped create something so goddamn perfect, and it’s terrifying and beautiful and _magic_... and I promise you, that feeling never goes away. Never.”

Michael wiped his eyes with his sleeve but Bryana’s mouth had fallen open and the tears were rolling down her cheeks silently. She gripped his hand tightly, lacing her fingers with his and drawing in a shuddering breath.

“Thank you, Michael,” she whispered and there was something softer on her face now, like those words were all she’d needed to hear.

There was a soft knock at the door before Ashton appeared, expression worried but so loving as he hurried to sit in the chair Calum had just vacated, no coffee in sight. He stroked a strand of blonde hair back that had got stuck to his wife's tear-wet cheek and Michael rose as quietly as he could, planning to leave subtly except he messed up because he got his foot caught on the chair leg and tripped.

Ashton laughed softly but his voice was very fond as he spoke: “Calum said to tell you that he’s taken the girls down to get drinks in the canteen and that if you want a coffee then you need to hurry up.” Ashton had a soft smile on his face but his eyes were flickering over towards Bryana and Michael nodded gratefully, aware that they both needed to be alone together right now.

“Thanks, Ash,” Michael said quietly, squeezing the older man’s hand before he gave Bryana and Morgan a parting smile, turning to leave the room.

Michael found Luke waiting in the corridor outside. He was wearing a long navy-coloured trench coat over his jeans, blond hair swept back artfully as he leant against the wall. He was talking on the phone, a soft smile playing across his lips as he bit at his lip-ring, and Michael felt the smirk colouring his face when Luke looked up at him, went bright red, and hurriedly ended the call.

“You’re looking especially fabulous today, Lukey,” Michael grinned, sinking down into one of the plastic chairs in the hallway. Michael guessed it didn’t really matter if Calum didn’t get him a coffee. He hadn’t seen Luke in a little while and catching up with him was probably a lot more important than Michael’s daily caffeine intake.

The blond man sat down beside him with a smile, like he could tell what the older man was thinking.

“I’ve come to meet Morgan,” Luke said which was… fairly obvious to be honest. Michael nodded, sobering a little.

“Bryana’s a bit tearful. I’d give her a few minutes alone with Ash and the little one first.”

“Right,” Luke said easily, settling back more comfortably into the plastic chair and giving Michael a lopsided smile. “You’re supposed to ask who I was talking to on the phone,” the blond man said suddenly, unbuttoning his coat to reveal a thick grey jumper as he crossed his legs at the ankle. Luke was smiling like the cat who’d got the cream and Michael’s lips twitched as he watched his best friend carefully.

“Lukey, whoever were you speaking to on the phone?” Michael asked, injecting as much sarcasm into his tone as he possibly could. Luke looked like he was _glowing_ though and Michael decided to stop being a dick.

“I’m seeing someone!” Luke chirped excitedly, hands covering his mouth as his eyes crinkled up when he smiled. “He’s called Will. I’ve kind of been seeing him for a good few months now - on and off, y’know? - but I didn’t want to say anything to you guys until I knew it was serious.”

God, Michael couldn’t actually deal with all of the happiness today. His friends and family were making his heart feel like it was about to burst in his chest.

“Aww, Lukey! I’m so happy for you!” Michael pulled him into a hug and Luke hid his smile in Michael’s neck, clinging to him like he used to back when they were just kids. Luke had always loved hugs.

“He’s so amazing, Mikey, honestly,” the blond man said when he drew back, blue eyes sparkling beneath his soft hair. “I met him in this bar actually and it was really hilarious because we started talking, and he was kind of looking at me funny, y’know? Like he recognised me but he didn’t know how? And then my song comes on next and he just spat his drink all over himself and I had to take him home with me to give him a clean shirt. I _had_ to.”

“No other option I suppose,” Michael said airily but his emerald green eyes were glittering as he pulled Luke in for another one-armed hug. “He treats you right though? He’s good to you?”

“He’s so lovely, Mikey,” Luke said quietly, his expression softening as he settled down more comfortably in his seat and let his head fall to rest on Michael's shoulder. “He buys me flowers and aftershave and stuff, and we tried to make danish pastries the other day and we almost burnt his kitchen down so we had to go out for lunch instead, and he asked me to be his boyfriend and told me he loved me.”

Luke’s eyes went all dreamy like Lily’s did sometimes before he suddenly added: “And I’ve met his mum too. And all of her ferrets.” Luke looked mildly offended when Michael laughed, like what he’d just said was totally normal. Luke rolled his eyes good naturedly, carrying on as he began to list things on his fingers. “Will likes All Time Low and watching me play guitar, and he’s really good at football but he’s _totally_ lame at Fifa so I always beat him, and we bake cupcakes and go for walks on the beach and we stayed up ‘til three in the morning watching Star Wars films last week.”

“Huh. Maybe he’s good enough for you after all,” Michael teased and Luke blushed, biting his bottom lip as he smiled down at his fingernails.

“Will’s just fucking adorable, Mike. I’m totally in love with him honestly.”

“I’m really happy for you, Lukey,” Michael grinned, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “Can I see a picture of him?”

“Sure!” Luke said excitedly, unlocking his phone and going into the photo album. He shielded the screen from Michael, blushing bright red - Michael honestly didn’t want to know - but Luke settled on a picture eventually, holding it up to show him.

Luke was smiling hugely in the picture, little pointy nose crinkled as he stretched up to press a kiss to the dark-skinned man’s nose. Will was grinning, white teeth glinting in the dim lighting of the picture as he cuddled Luke close with his muscular arms. They were standing in front of a window, stars glinting in the sky behind them. One of Luke’s pale hands was resting lightly on Will’s cheek and there was so much _love_ in that one picture that Michael couldn’t suppress the smile that spread across his face because, _fuck_ , they were goddamn cute together.

“Okay, that might actually be the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen with the possible exception of my children and Morgan,” Michael said and Luke beamed, cheeks flushed.

“Thank you! Although I thought you would’ve guessed…” Luke said, elaborating when Michael frowned faintly: “Didn’t you wonder why I kept my scarf on the whole time when I came round to your place that time? When Morgan was still just a scan photo?”

Michael nudged him with his elbow reprovingly but he was kind of laughing.

“Oh my god, Luke! You’ve been seeing him for that long?! Like _six months_?”

“Well, yeah I guess… but we weren’t serious then, see? I wanted to be sure. I had to be. I didn’t want things to go south again…”

There was a tiny trace of pain on Luke’s face and Michael frowned, biting his full bottom lip hard as he draped his arm around his best friend’s shoulders hesitantly. He was reminded again of how much time he’d missed and he hated that someone might have hurt Luke; he was glad the blond man had Will now though.

“Well, I’m happy things are different this time,” Michael said softly and Luke smiled gently at that, no trace of sarcasm in his eyes anymore. He looked small but his gaze dropped down to his phone as he looked at the picture still displayed on his phone, and it was a bit like watching a ray of sunlight fall across his face. Luke was _glowing_.

“You deserve to be happy,” Michael said.

“So do you,” Luke said, small hand warm as he reached to pat Michael’s wrist gently where the sleeve of his jumper had slipped back. For once, Michael didn’t pull away or try to hide the faint scars there. He didn’t feel like he needed to anymore. “I’m so glad you have Calum.”

“I’m so glad you have _Will_ ,” Michael countered.

“We had a date last night actually,” Luke said and he was kind of beaming now.

“Oh yeah?” Michael grinned. “What did you guys do?”

“Watched _The Spongebob Squarepants Movie_ , ate takeaway food…” Luke then proceeded to mumble something that sounded a lot like: ‘ _Had excellent blow jobs_ ’ before he raised his voice to say: “And then we made milkshakes and talked about music. It was really great.”

Michael rolled his eyes at Luke blushing but he couldn’t hide how content it made him to see the blond man so happy.

“I’m not surprised in the slightest that that was your idea of a romantic night,” Michael teased but Luke’s blue eyes were sparkling and Michael was so fucking happy for him. “I’m really glad things are working out for you guys.”

“Things are working out for _all_ of us,” Luke said suddenly and there was something faintly awestruck on his face as he reached to squeeze Michael’s hand again. “Things really did get better.” He smiled softly, eyes more serious as he looked back at Michael.

“We just had to give them a chance,” the golden-haired man said softly and Luke swallowed audibly, tightening his grip for a moment.

“I’m really glad you’re still around to see it, Mikey,” he whispered and Michael saw the pill bottle in his hand for a moment but it didn’t hurt anymore. It was just a fading memory, irrelevant now that he had so much beauty in his life to dwell on. “I’m really glad we’re all still here.”

“I’m glad too,” Michael promised, voice soft. It was warm in the corridor and Michael rolled the sleeves of his jumper back, uncaring anymore. “I love you, Lukey.”

Luke grinned, rolling his sparkling blue eyes at Michael.

“Alright, _gay_ ,” Luke muttered, punching the older man lightly on the shoulder. Michael snorted with laughter, elbowing Luke in the ribs.

“You’re such a little shit,” Michael grinned and Luke giggled. He fucking _giggled_.

“Stop pretending it’s a problem,” Luke said, glancing over his shoulder towards the room. Michael figured the blond man could probably go ahead and meet Morgan now, and Luke seemed to realise the same thing.

He rose fluidly, clapping Michael lightly on the shoulder as the older man got to his feet too, thinking vaguely of coffee and how he was probably far too late now.

“You know I love you too, Mikey,” Luke grinned before he knocked softly on the door, edging inside.

Michael was still grinning when he went off in search of his family.

He didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this far! I really hope you liked it - please let me know what you thought <3  
> We're so close to finishing now! I can't actually believe it!  
> I really loved writing this too because writing Muke existing together is one of my very favourite things to do.


	26. A Million Years Ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE I MADE MYSELF CRY WITH FLUFF  
> OH MY GOD FEELS  
> (also i wrote the last smut of this fic so i hope you guys will like it!!!) 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this far<3

**_You're still an innocent._ **

 

Michael slept a lot better in the new house.

They’d moved in almost half a year ago now and Michael still loved it as much as he had the very first time he’d seen it. It felt safe and comfortable there; it felt _right_.

The dogs were curled up on their big quilted blanket downstairs and the girls were sleeping in their separate bedrooms just down the hallway – although Georgie often found her way into Lily’s room in the night – and Michael felt so content living there.

The large windows in their bedroom let in a lot of light but the grey curtains they had hung up muted it, making it softer somehow, and Calum’s arms were warm wrapped around him, his full lips pressed lightly to his boyfriend’s shoulder as he cuddled Michael close, hands comforting on the older man’s ribs. Michael loved to be touched.

The golden-haired man woke up slowly on the morning of November the twentieth.

Michael was thirty three today. He realised it slowly, the knowledge gradually rising to the surface as the gentle light woke him and his emerald green eyes fluttered open.

He could hear the soft sound of the breeze causing ripples on the swimming pool and it was a familiar noise now, just like the gentle rhythm of the honeysuckle blooms being blown against the glass was.

Michael didn’t realise Calum was awake too until he felt the warm drag of the younger man’s lips as Calum trailed kisses across his shoulders.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” the dark-haired man murmured, breath hot against Michael’s pale skin. The smaller man shivered but his hands were soft as he rolled over in Calum’s arms, cupping the dark-haired man’s cheeks gently.

“I love you, darling,” Michael whispered, tilting his head slightly so that he could catch his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss. One of Calum’s hands slipped down beneath the duvet, stroking the older man's pale stomach and drifting right over where Michael wanted him most before Calum’s palm came to settle lightly on his hip instead. Michael whined, cock twitching at the look in his boyfriend’s dark eyes.

“Wanna make you feel good,” Calum whispered, full lips pressing lightly to the sensitive skin of Michael’s neck. Calum’s teeth were the faintest hint of pressure there and Michael groaned quietly, cock hardening now as he felt himself start to get a little too hot.

“Please, Cal. Please,” Michael murmured and Calum’s full lips tugged up into a smile as he ducked down to kiss Michael again, harder this time and with the faintest hint of teeth.

“Fine,” Calum teased, like he hadn’t just offered it. He drew away to kiss Michael’s neck again instead. “But only because you asked so nicely… and because it’s your birthday.” Calum’s eyes softened as his other hand rose to cup Michael’s warm cheek and the dark-haired man smiled gently. “Birthday boy,” he murmured and Michael’s cheeks flushed as he stretched to kiss him again, desperate now.

“ _Please_ ,” Michael begged and Calum didn’t have to shush him anymore. Their room was just far enough away that they couldn’t be easily heard and the girls slept with their bedroom doors shut now so Michael was free to let go.

Calum’s lips moved against his throat again, teeth grazing and tongue dragging hot over the sensitive skin as he moved down the bed. Michael whimpered when Calum’s mouth found his nipple instead and the younger man’s hands smoothed comfortingly down Michael’s ribs when Calum’s gentle licks made Michael’s hips jerk, his cock lying hard and flushed on his stomach now.

“I need –” Michael broke off with a groan when Calum’s fingers brushed lightly over his hard cock but the dark-haired man didn’t stop. His hand carried on drifting down and Michael jerked when Calum’s fingertips came to rest on his hole, breath punched out of him in a needy whimper as Calum bit his smile into Michael’s neck.

“Want me to eat you out, sweetheart?” Calum suggested innocently and Michael whined, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as he pressed his head back into the pillows. Michael nodded jerkily and Calum suppressed his smile.

“You have to say it,” he whispered, lips brushing Michael’s shoulder lightly. “Tell me what you want.”

Michael groaned, cheeks flaming as he opened his eyes to look down at the dark-haired man. Michael shivered when Calum looked into his eyes.

“Want you to rim me, Cal,” Michael begged, breath catching when Calum’s lips brushed his nipple again. “Want your tongue.”

“ _God_ , Mikey,” Calum groaned, eyes darkening as his hand moved to curl gently around his boyfriend’s cock. Michael hissed at the contact, hips bucking up into Calum’s loose grip before the dark-haired man let go of him in favour of kissing down his stomach instead.

Michael’s muscles tensed and he tried so hard to keep his hips still, even if Calum’s hot breath washing over his cock _was_ driving Michael to distraction, and the dark-haired man just seemed to appreciate it a lot.

“You’re such a good boy for me,” Calum murmured and the praise made Michael’s cheeks heat with blood as his cock started to leak pre-cum.

“ _Fuck_ , Cal,” Michael moaned, tear-wet eyes squeezing shut when Calum mouthed hotly at his shaft. Michael’s toes curled at the pleasure burning through him. “So hot when you say that. _Fuck_.”

Calum sucked one of Michael’s balls into his mouth as he settled down comfortably between the older man’s legs but his fingers were searching again, teasing Michael’s hole gently and making him flutter as Calum’s lips trailed lower.

A whine escaped Michael when the dark-haired man licked flat over him, tongue dragging hotly from balls to rim. Michael tried to say Calum’s name but it came out as a moan when Calum’s tongue swirled hotly over his hole again.

The dark-haired man held onto Michael's thighs securely, his grip gentle enough that he wasn't in danger of bruising the older man's pale skin. Calum circled the rim with the tip of his tongue, just teasing as Michael's hips jerked in Calum's grip and a tear slipped down his face. Michael opened his mouth but no sound came out and Calum pressed closer, finally dipping his tongue into Michael's soft pink hole.

The older man's cherry-red lips dropped open around a moan and Calum fought not to smile as he pressed closer, working his tongue in deeper as Michael's hands settled in Calum's dark curls. Michael was whining and squirming, trying hard not to pull Calum’s hair as a flush spread down his chest and his cock leaked pre-cum onto his soft stomach.

"Cal, _please_ ," Michael panted and the dark-haired man pressed closer, tongue darting to fuck into Michael properly as the younger man moved one of his hands to grip Michael's cock, fingers curling around it as he started to jerk his fist.

The moans pouring out of Michael were so hot and Calum _adored_ him like this; weak and needy, and flushed with lust and love.

Calum kept licking in and out of Michael, and it was almost too much for the older man now as the heat burnt in his stomach and Calum’s grip tightened around him as he jerked his fist. Michael’s moans were so desperate-sounding in the muted light and Calum’s heart softened as he drew back, pressing a gentle kiss to the scarred skin of Michael’s pale thigh as Calum struggled to get his breath back.

“You’re so good, sweetheart,” Calum said softly but Michael’s eyes looked glassy as he gazed down at Calum, like he wasn’t totally there anymore – too far gone with lust. “Mikey? You okay?” Calum asked gently as he reached for the lube on the bedside table.

“Yes,” Michael breathed, the emerald green of his eyes hidden now as his chest rose and fell unsteadily. And then: “Please, Cal. _Please_. I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Calum promised, pressing a soft kiss to Michael’s hipbone as he slicked two of his fingers with lube. Michael whimpered when he saw what Calum was doing, legs falling open as a moan clawed its way out of his throat when Calum gently nudged his fingertip in, making the older man clench down with a groan.

Michael’s cock was flushed an angry red now and his breath escaped him in a sob when Calum’s finger sank in all the way but Michael’s fingers were twisting in the sheets now, and he was whispering the word please over and over again as his cheeks heated, like a mantra almost… like Calum pleasuring him was all he could think of anymore.

Calum slid his second finger in when Michael begged for it and the older man’s muscles tensed when Calum found his prostate. Pre-cum welled on the head of Michael’s cock and Calum kissed it away before he ducked his head again, licking at Michael’s rim as he fucked his fingers into him. Michael’s hips jerked and he whined, letting out a desperate sob as Calum licked in the gaps between his fingers, making the golden-haired man writhe against him.

“ _Close_ ,” Michael managed to choke out and Calum was so pleased with him that he took Michael’s cock into his free hand again, spreading the pre-cum around with the pad of his thumb as Michael’s movements became erratic and his muscles started to flutter. Calum’s fingers kept stroking deep inside Michael as he tightened his grip around the older man’s cock, coaxing his orgasm from him. Michael arched his back, eyes falling shut and jaw hanging slack as a broken moan spilt out of him, tears trickling down his cheeks.

It seemed to take an age for his body to stop jerking through the aftershocks. Calum withdrew his fingers carefully, wiping his hands on the sheets before he crawled up to lay beside Michael, achingly hard but doing his best to ignore it. The golden-haired man still didn’t look totally with it – in fact, he looked kind of dazed – but his breathing was calmer now. He shuddered when Calum stroked his cheek gently.

“How was that?” Calum asked softly, voice hesitant as he looked at Michael’s flushed face. The golden-haired man still vaguely resembled someone who had recently been hit over the head with something but there was a lazy smile tugging at his cherry-red lips now.

“Pretty spectacular,” Michael mumbled, hand searching through the sheets for his boyfriend’s. Calum laced their fingers together carefully, pressing a soft kiss to the pale skin of Michael’s shoulder. “Want me to blow you in the shower?”

Calum moaned before he could stop himself, tucking his face away and pressing a soft kiss to Michael’s neck.

“Only if you’re sure,” Calum breathed and Michael grinned at him. God, he was so beautiful. The sun had nothing compared to the bright smile on Michael’s face.

“C’mon, darling,” Michael murmured, tugging Calum out of bed and leading him towards the ensuite attached to their bedroom. “Pretty sure you deserve this.”

Calum told Michael he loved him four times while he was making them all breakfast. Michael sat at the breakfast bar with Georgie and Lily, nursing a mug of coffee as Georgie made pointed comments about Michael not having opened his presents yet and Lily tried to flatten Michael’s hair for him. (The dark-haired man had kind of messed it up when he’d tangled his fingers in it earlier as his hips had started to jerk but Calum was pointedly not thinking about that now.)

He made Michael pancakes with raspberries and chocolate sauce for breakfast because it was his boyfriend’s favourite. (Then Calum made three more lots because the girls both wanted them and, to be honest, Calum was fairly certain he’d earnt them too… as well as the excellent blow job… but Calum was trying not to think about the blow job.)

Michael opened his presents and cards after breakfast, and the girls insisted that he opened their presents first. Georgie had given Michael a toy racing car called Winston along with a note – written suspiciously in Tom’s handwriting – that said: ‘ _If you ever need anyone to look after him, I’m here. I promise_ ’. She’d drawn Michael his very own space-themed birthday card complete with planets, stars, moons, and a collection of rocket ships (which really didn’t look like rockets at all but Calum was trying his absolute hardest not to laugh which probably counted for something, right?)

Lily had put a little basket together with Mali’s help – she’d filled it with sweets, little bath bombs and a supermarket value pack of glacé cherries for seemingly no reason at all which made Michael snort with laughter, even as he pulled both of his daughters into a big hug.

“Thank you,” he said, kissing them both on the nose. “My presents are lovely.”

Calum waited until the girls had gone upstairs to get ready before he gave Michael his present and card, going to fetch them from the cupboard under the stairs in the wooden-panelled hallway. Liquorice and Coco were running around in the garden – Calum could hear their barking through the open doors that led out onto the patio – but Sugar was still lying on the quilt near the cupboard, raising her head to woof softly when Calum passed her. He paused to pat her on the head but Michael was waiting for him in the kitchen and Calum hurried back to him with his arms full, a big smile spreading across his face when he saw Michael’s jaw drop open.

Maybe the shape of the box was too obvious under the shiny blue wrapping paper.

“Cal?” Michael asked softly, green eyes wide as Calum set the box down carefully on the table, moving their plates away. “Can I –?”

“Open up, Mikey,” Calum grinned but his smile softened into something a lot more hesitant when he sat down again, watching as Michael carefully tore the paper away.

Michael’s smile started off tiny but, as more and more paper was ripped away, it spread until his whole face was shining. Michael’s breath escaped him in a little gasp when he saw the Gibson Melody Maker lying in front of him and his eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw Joan Jett’s signature.

“I never thought I’d see one like it again, let alone…” Michael’s breathless voice trailed away as his eyes shone with tears. His smile took Calum’s breath away. “ _God_ , Cal… Thank you so _much_. **Thank you**.”

Michael drew Calum in for a kiss but his cheeks were wet with tears and he was smiling so wide now that his cherry-red lips were stretched tight. Calum pulled Michael into a tight hug and the older man clung to him, sniffling into Calum’s neck as his pale hand wound securely into Calum’s dark curls.

“I can’t believe you did this for me,” Michael whispered and Calum rolled his eyes fondly at his boyfriend.

“I _love_ you, sweetheart. I’d do things like this every day for you if you’d let me.”

“But then they wouldn’t be special,” Michael pointed out and Calum’s lips twitched as he fought down a smile.

“ _You_ ’d always be special though,” Calum promised and Michael cradled Calum’s face lovingly in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I love you so much,” Michael whispered. “To the moon.”

The rest of the day passed quickly.

They went to see Michael’s parents at lunchtime, staying there for potato salad and cheese toasties which were apparently Karen’s specialities with regards to birthday lunches. Michael was beaming when she gave him a horrible knitted jumper and two passes to go Go-Kart racing, and Daryl looked content as he clapped a fond-looking Calum on the shoulder.

“I’m glad Mike has you,” Daryl said quietly as they watched Michael sitting cross-legged on the floor with his mother and the girls. Calum ducked his head, smiling softly as his cheeks heated.

“Thank you,” Calum murmured, catching Daryl’s gaze as his smile grew. “I’m glad Michael has you back too.”

They spent the afternoon just wandering around the shops in town. Georgie persuaded Michael to buy her a new racing car and Lily wanted to look at the stationery in WHSmith, and they stopped for coffee and cakes in a nice little café in town before they headed home to get changed since they were all going out for dinner that night with their friends.

Lily wore her purple starry pinafore again and Georgie wore her rugby shirt (which fit her a lot better now) with a denim skirt that Mali had persuaded her to wear. Michael stuck to jeans and a dark blue flannel over Calum’s Cobain t-shirt and the dark-haired man’s chocolate brown eyes were soft as he took in Michael’s appearance.

“You’re wearing what you used to,” Calum whispered, hand settling gently on Michael’s jaw as the fingers of his free hand tangled in his boyfriend’s golden hair. “God, you’re so fucking perfect, Mikey, I swear to god. I love you so, so much. I can never tell you enough.”

Michael’s eyes were wide but the love shining in them took Calum’s breath away as his hands settled lightly on his boyfriend’s waist, head tilted as they kissed. The lights in their bedroom were on now but the sky was getting dark outside and Michael knew they’d have to leave soon.

“C’mon,” he whispered, pressing one more kiss to Calum’s lips before he drew away. “Let’s go and be sociable.”

“It’s your birthday! You’re supposed to be loving the attention!” Calum teased but he didn’t mean it really. If Mali hadn’t arranged this, they probably would have just spent the evening inside eating pizza but Calum knew Michael was looking forward to going out really. As long as they were together, Calum figured it probably didn’t matter.

Once Georgie and Lily had been strapped safely into the back of the car – Georgie wanted to go back inside the house for Samson but no one would let her – they drove into town, heading for the Italian restaurant Calum had taken Michael to on a day that felt more than a million years ago now.

They’d listened to ‘ _Cinderblock Garden_ ’ and Michael had held Calum’s hand across the table.

There were twinkling lights strung up outside the restaurant when they showed up and a huge smile spread across Michael’s face from the passenger seat as he saw their friends lingering outside, waiting for them to show up.

Ashton and Bryana were first over when they climbed out of the car, pulling Michael in for this huge hug that left him beaming. Morgan was six months old now and he squawked happily when he saw the golden-haired man, reaching for him and gurgling excitedly when Bryana lifted him so that he could press a big kiss to Michael’s cheek.

It was very cute to watch and Michael’s eyes were very soft as he took Morgan carefully, settling the little boy on his hip and bopping him lightly on his button nose as Ashton and Bryana went to say hello to Calum and the girls.

Luke appeared next, hand in hand with Will as he tugged the shy man forwards. Luke threw his arms around Michael’s neck, making the golden-haired man smile. Georgie appeared beside him, hugging Will’s leg tightly as the tall man smiled down at her. Georgie had fallen in love with Will within about twenty minutes of meeting him (probably partly due to the fact that he had a sports car that she adored).

“Happy birthday, Mikey!” Luke exclaimed. “You’re so old now! Why don’t you have a walking stick yet?” Michael laughed, elbowing Luke lightly in the ribs as Will pretended to be mortified at Luke’s behaviour.

“Why’s he so damn mean to you?” Will asked but he was laughing as Luke slipped his arm lovingly around the dark-skinned man’s waist, head cushioned on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Michael doesn’t mind. I’m _always_ mean to him. He’s like my annoying brother,” the blond man said cheerfully and Michael rolled his eyes, reaching to shake Will’s extended hand as Luke’s boyfriend grinned at him. Will always shook Michael’s hand; he was very formal sometimes.

Mali and Tom came to tell Michael happy birthday next although Calum’s sister soon became distracted by Morgan, taking him from Michael’s arms and spinning him around so that he squealed excitedly. Bryana’s face was soft when she came over to see what was going on and Tom grinned as he watched them, slinging his arm casually around Michael’s shoulder as, beside them, Luke drew Will into a gentle kiss.

“Mali’s very broody at the moment,” Tom said conspiratorially, keeping his voice just loud enough that Calum looked up with wide eyes and Mali scowled at her husband. “Every time she sees a baby, she goes all wide-eyed and lovey-dovey, and she never shuts up about Morgan. _Never_.”

“Well, Morgan _is_ fairly magnificent,” Ashton said as he came to stand beside them, reaching out to wipe some dribble from his son’s chin with a fond look on his face.

“Yeah, he kind of is,” Tom said, and Michael smiled when he saw how soft the older man's expression was as he watched Ashton and Bryana with their son.

‘ _He wants that_ ,’ Michael realised and, taking in the longing look on Mali’s face as Tom moved forwards to tickle Morgan, Michael didn’t think the pair would have to wait very long.

Mahir was standing close to the restaurant with his wife Aaliyah and their seven year old son Hassan. The little boy had dark curly hair and big brown sparkling eyes, and Lily looked smitten when she materialised beside Michael to say hello to them.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Michael said and Mahir didn’t even say anything sarcastic for once. He just smiled wryly, patting Michael on the shoulder as Lily took Michael’s hand and Calum appeared with Georgie on his shoulders.

“We wouldn’t miss this for the world, Mike,” Mahir said cheerfully but there was a sincerity in his tone that made Michael think he meant it.

“Thank you, Mahir. You’re a good friend,” he said. Mahir grinned, dark eyes twinkling.

“I’m fantastic, I know,” he said, rolling his eyes when Aaliyah elbowed him lightly in the ribs. “But everyone’s watching you expectantly now, Mike. I think it’s time to eat.”

Michael smiled, reaching back to take Calum’s hand once Georgie had been set carefully on the floor. She grabbed Lily’s sleeve, leading her over to where Mali was standing beckoning to them hopefully with Tom, and Michael let himself relax fully as Calum gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

He’d seen all of the people he loved today, one way or another, and he could honestly say that this had probably been the best birthday he’d ever had. The meal was lovely and many hugs were exchanged in the car park later that evening before everyone finally went home.

Michael had asked them all not to buy him presents but Ashton and Luke had ignored Michael’s requests, just like they always used to do when he was younger.

Ashton had bought Michael a remote control helicopter because, apparently, you were never too old. (Privately, Michael agreed with him.)

Luke’s present was a little different though. There were no jokey things or rude toys this year; instead he’d given Michael a handwritten draft of one of the songs from his new album. It was simply titled ‘ **Time Will Heal** ’ but – beneath the annotations and the little doodle of a younger Michael that Luke had drawn in the margin – Michael knew the song was about him.

It made the golden-haired man’s eyes fill with tears as he lay curled up in bed that night with Calum cuddled close behind him but Michael fell asleep with a smile on his face.

There was so much love in his chest that he felt like he was about to burst.

Michael had the best friends in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked this omg.  
> im just gonna go cry quietly in a corner now because im not ready to stop writing this fic yet. oh my god.  
> please let me know what you thought!! thank you :D <3


	27. In The Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ACTUALLY SOBBED WRITING THIS.  
> This chapter felt like such a long time coming!!!  
> Also I'm sorry it took so long. I had to rewrite it like three times because I wasn't happy with it but fingers crossed you guys will like this one <3

**_You're still an innocent._ **

****

Lily’s seventh birthday fell on the day of the award show that Jack had managed to secure them tickets at.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, and Michael and Calum were woken early by an excitable Lily hurling herself onto their bed. Michael’s breath huffed out of him when Lily accidentally kneed him in the ribs but she was smiling so wide that he couldn’t resist pulling her into a warm hug.

Michael and Calum had gone to sleep wearing pyjamas luckily - the golden-haired man had foreseen this wake-up call happening - and Lily looked like she was _glowing_ as she flung her arms around her father’s shoulders, letting out a muffled: “It’s my birthday!”

“I know it is, princess Lil!” Michael grinned, kissing her little upturned nose and making her giggle.

“That’s why you have presents downstairs!” Calum added, fondness saturating his face as his dimples creased his cheeks. Georgie appeared in the doorway, grimacing slightly because she was trying not to be jealous that _she_ didn’t have presents too.

Her mousy brown curls were tangled in a messy snarl around her shoulders - _that_ would be fun trying to brush later - but her green eyes were sparkling when Calum held his arms out to her. The five year old clambered up onto the bed, climbing into the younger man’s lap and clinging to him as she watched Michael tickle Lily.

“Presents!” the seven year old begged and Michael was laughing when he gestured for her to lead the way. Lily ran from the bedroom, wavy blonde hair fanning out behind her in loose curls. Michael leant over to kiss Georgie on the nose before he got up too, ruffling his youngest daughter’s hair and grinning when she pouted.

“You and Lily can go out shopping with auntie Mali and uncle Tom later, Georgie, okay? And then I’m sure you can have some nice things too,” he said and Georgie considered this for a long moment before she finally stopped sulking, nodding solemnly as Michael exchanged a relieved look with his boyfriend before he followed Lily out of the room.

“C’mon, kiddo,” Calum grinned, getting to his feet and sweeping Georgie up onto his back as they went after the others. “Let’s go and see what presents Lily has.”

The seven year old did very well for herself that year.

She got several new dolls and a big art set with crayons, pencils, and watercolours inside from Michael, and Calum had bought her an obnoxiously-bright pink scooter with sparkly streamers hanging from the handlebars. Georgie had picked out a friendship bracelet making set that she’d chosen herself – Michael had given her five dollars the week before and released her into one of the cheap shops in town, and she’d eventually settled on this gift (after Michael quietly persuaded her that Lily wouldn’t want six cans of baked beans, even if they _were_ in the bargain bin).

Lily had got a cute cream-coloured dressing gown with little bear ears attached from Michael’s parents, and Ashton and Bryana had got her a ‘Name A Star’ gift box which was surprisingly thoughtful. They’d got her a present from Morgan too; it was a soft, cuddly grey rabbit toy with a purple ribbon around its neck that their son had apparently helped choose for her.

Mali and Tom had bought her some flower seeds to grow and a little gardening kit, as well as a bouquet after they'd heard how much Lily loved flowers. The seven year old’s whole face lit up when she saw the pink tulips and she had to inspect them for at least five minutes before she moved onto the rest of her presents.

Luke (and Will by extension) had bought Lily a glitter tattoo kit which kind of made Michael want to cry as he pictured the mess. Either Luke had no idea of the chaos he had just caused or he thought it was amusing. Privately, Michael had a feeling it was the latter.

All he _could_ be grateful for was that nobody had bought her anything that played music or made sounds. Michael had learnt the hard way that those kind of toys were the worst because their batteries seemed to last _forever_ and they were basically just horrendous.

“I want a glitter tattoo!” Georgie yelled when she saw it, emerald eyes wide with excitement. “Please, Lily! Please! _Meow_! I want a glittery cat!”

“You may have a glittery cat,” Lily said solemnly, rolling her pyjama sleeves back with great dignity. “I shall do it now.”

“You shall not,” Michael said, copying the pompous little voice she'd adopted as he kissed her on the nose, moving the box onto the coffee table. “Maybe we’ll ask Mali for help later instead, okay? Now open the rest of your presents, Lil. There’s still a couple left.”

The next present was a ‘Make Your Own Watch’ set from Calum’s parents which was a pleasant surprise to Michael. Up until then, he hadn’t been totally sure that Joy and David supported his relationship with Calum so it meant a lot to him that they'd done this.

“Will you help me make a watch later?” Lily asked excitedly, eyes shining as she held the box up. Michael’s expression was so soft as he looked at her and Calum’s heart felt like it was melting in his chest as he put his arm gently around Georgie’s waist, cuddling her to his side.

"Of course," Michael promised, stroking her hair gently as she smiled up at him.

Lily had even got a birthday card from Mahir and his family. There was a Toys R Us gift card inside which Georgie squealed excitedly at the sight of but Lily seemed more interested in the folded-up piece of paper that fell out of the envelope. It was a picture of what looked like a princess surrounded by flowers and Hassan had written her a note too: ‘ **It’s your birthday! I drew you like a princess because you look like one. Hassan. (I mean you look like a princess, Lily. Not me.) :D** ’. There were quite a lot of spelling mistakes in the note but it was really cute and Lily went bright red when she saw it.

Michael smirked when he caught Calum’s gaze but it was so sweet. Michael wondered if Mahir had seen the drawing and made a mental note to ask him about it on Monday morning.

“What’s _that_ present?” Georgie asked suddenly, pointing to one her older sister had accidentally overlooked. Michael suppressed his smile.

“That one’s actually for _both_ of you,” he said, smiling mysteriously when Georgie and Lily immediately looked jubilant. “It’s an extra one from me. Are you going to open it together?”

They did their best, trying not to fight too much over who got to pull at the sticky tape until finally Calum stepped in to help. A sparkly tiara and a pair of velvety cat ears fell out onto the carpet, and Michael grinned when the girls both started squealing excitedly.

“I was going to get you _both_ tiaras because you’re princesses… but then I figured Georgie would probably prefer the cat ears. Y’know, since she’s a cat and all.”

“Meow!” Georgie yelled for only the second time that weekend and Michael kind of cursed himself because she’d sort of started to forget about it now and he’d just brought it all back.

“Thank you, daddy!” Lily beamed, crinkling her nose up when Michael set the tiara on her head before she flung her arms tightly around his neck. She pressed a wet kiss to his cheek and Michael grinned, batting her away. Lily stuck her tongue out at him before she darted over to Calum, throwing herself into his lap and hugging him tightly too. “Thank you, dad!”

Michael barely had time to watch them fondly when the dogs suddenly bounded in because Georgie had just made the mistake of opening the living room door. Michael and Calum hurriedly gathered the presents up but Coco, Sugar and Liquorice seemed more interested in spreading the ripped up pieces of wrapping paper all over the room which, yeah, was probably going to take quite a long time to tidy up.

“I’ve got this, Mikey,” Calum said, smiling apologetically as he pressed a brief kiss to Michael’s cheek. “Why don’t you start on breakfast while I hoover all this up? Then the girls can get ready to see Mali and Tom.”

Michael’s smile was sweet as he pressed a brief kiss to Calum’s lips.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said before he headed off into the kitchen to start frying the bacon and eggs.

Mali and Tom showed up at nine o’clock, just in time to miss having to witness Michael attempting to detangle Georgie’s hair while Calum helped Lily choose an outfit. Mali and Tom were taking the girls into town to pick out new clothes for the award show that evening which, fortunately, would give Michael and Calum time to set up the house for Lily's party while they were out.

Some of Lily’s friends from school were coming over for the afternoon so Michael wanted to get the buffet ready. Calum was in charge of organising the games - so far he’d come up with musical chairs, pass the parcel, sleeping lions, musical statues, and musical bumps which Michael kind of thought might end in tears. (Lily had innocently suggested kiss chase when Hassan had told her he was allowed to come but Calum said he didn’t think it was a good idea - she didn’t want to scare him off after all.)

Michael started fixing the food after lunch and Calum came to help him once he’d finished setting up in the living room. They set all of the food out on the table afterwards and Michael was quite proud of himself - there were cheese and tomato pizza slices, sausage rolls, scotch eggs, crisps, crackers with cheddar cubes, cocktail sausages, cherry tomatoes and cucumber slices, chocolate fingers, party rings, red grapes, and lots of little sandwiches that Calum had been tasked with making - but then Michael realised he’d forgotten the fizzy drinks and fruit juices so Calum offered to go out and get those.

Michael was kind of stressing by the time the dark-haired man came back because he just wanted to make sure this was _fun_ for them. Calum’s expression softened when he saw the slight frown marring Michael’s expression and Calum’s hands were warm as he cradled his boyfriend's pale face gently.

“Why are you anxious, sweetheart?” Calum murmured, lips brushing Michael’s shoulder as he dropped his hands to wrap his arms warmly around his boyfriend’s waist. “Can I help?”

“It’s nothing, honestly,” Michael promised, giving Calum a tight hug before he drew back, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I just want to make sure they have a good time. I don’t want this to be lame. I haven’t really done a proper party for them before this year so… y’know… I want it to be special.”

“Oh, Mikey,” Calum said softly but his chocolate brown eyes were warm as he cupped the older man’s cheek gently. “They’re going to love it. It’s going to be _fun_. She has one of those chocolate caterpillar birthday cakes, Mike! How could it not be?” Calum asked teasingly and Michael grinned, rolling his eyes fondly.

“Maybe you’re right,” he conceded as he went to get the cake out of the fridge. Michael hesitated before adding: “I guess I’m kind of nervous about tonight too.”

Calum’s face softened but he didn’t exactly look surprised.

“At least we’ve got each other this time,” the dark-haired man said quietly and Michael smiled before he could stop himself. “No one can ever take that away again.”

The girls got home at around two and they just had time to get changed for the party before Lily's friends arrived. Mali and Tom stayed to help, and Michael just appreciated it a lot. He grinned when he saw an excited Calum sitting beside the CD player, pausing the music and smiling so wide his eyes crinkled while the kids tried to beat each other at musical statues.

Georgie won a bag of sweets when she won at musical chairs - partly because she was slightly violent with her elbows in her attempts to sit down first - and Lily’s face was glowing when Hassan gave her a hug goodbye when his mum came to collect him.

Lily beamed for the rest of the day.

Mali and Tom had stayed to help tidy up after the party, keeping the girls busy with glitter tattoos while Michael and Calum went upstairs to change into their suits. Mali and Calum did the girls’ hair afterwards, and Michael grabbed Tom to ask his advice about something important that had been playing on his mind, and then it was time to go to the award show.

Jack had sent a car to pick them up and, once the organisers of the show had found out that Michael and Calum were coming, they’d arranged for them to walk down the red carpet with the rest of the celebrities who were going. It felt strange to be viewed like that again after so long but Lily was excited about it and even Georgie – who had been persuaded to wear the little silver dress Mali had helped her pick out – was smiling hesitantly.

Jack texted them to let them know that he was waiting inside to see them backstage with the rest of All Time Low and that was _almost_ enough to replace the nervousness bubbling in Michael’s stomach with excitement. Almost.

It was just… everything was starting to feel a bit _real_ now and Michael probably would have been freaking out if he hadn’t been trying to keep the girls calm.

“Hell of a way to make a comeback,” Michael muttered, slightly wide-eyed as he saw the camera flashes through the tinted windows of the car. He swallowed past his anxiety, reaching out to squeeze Georgie’s hand where she was listening to the dull roar of the crowd with wide eyes.

“It’s not a comeback, silly. We’re just here to see our friends,” Calum teased but there was a tiny bit of wariness in his gaze all the same. “I haven’t been to one of these things in ages. Do you think it’s still as loud?”

Calum cringed when the dull sound of cheering reached their ears the longer they were parked.

“Yes, it is,” he answered himself before he shook his head a little, like he was brushing his worries away. “This is going to be _fun_ tonight,” Calum said reassuringly. “We’re going to see Jack, and the girls get to meet Alex, Rian and Zack. This is going to be an _amazing_ night, Mikey. Forget everything else.”

“Good plan,” Michael grinned, cherry-red lips tugging up into a slightly-worried smile as he stretched to kiss Calum’s lips. “Now c’mon, guys. Let’s go find Jack and the others.”

The car door opened and everything after that was a blur of shouting, too many people, and cameras flashing everywhere they looked. The red carpet wasn’t actually red – a fact Lily seemed crestfallen about – but Georgie seemed bewildered by the wall of sound that hit them.

“They’re all shouting…” Georgie said warily, shying closer to Michael as she gripped his hand tightly. “Are they angry with us?”

“No,” Michael promised, hoping it was true. “Just excited to see my two princesses.”

Lily was clinging to Calum’s hand as the dark-haired man laced his fingers with Michael’s, and the press were shouting things but Calum leant over to bestow a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek, and Michael didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought of him anymore.

The three most important people in his life were right here where they belonged, beside him –

And then Georgie ran off into the crowd and Michael gave a panicked squawk that died in his throat when he saw Calum rolling his eyes fondly at someone.

“Luke’s over there,” he told Michael reassuringly and the golden-haired man slumped with relief as Calum shot the blond man an exasperated look. “She’s gone to show him her glitter tattoo.”

“I want to show him too!” Lily shouted before she ran off after her sister into the blond man’s waiting arms. Michael sighed heavily, letting his head fall to rest on his boyfriend’s shoulder as Calum’s muscled arm slipped around his waist.

Let the press have their field day because, quite frankly, Michael couldn’t care less.

“Why do my children continue to run off in public places and give me heart palpitations?” he asked weakly, adopting his best wounded voice.

“We need to train them,” Calum said knowledgeably and Michael snorted, running a hand through his golden hair as his lips twitched into a smile again.

“Like the puppies?” he teased and Calum grinned, shrugging as he started to lead Michael over to Luke. The girls were currently attempting to use the tall man as some sort of human climbing wall and he looked like he was in dire need of help. Then again, he’d bought Lily glitter and sacrificed Michael’s carpet – he could wait for thirty more seconds at least.

“Maybe,” Calum admitted, smiling crookedly. “They probably wouldn’t react well to dog biscuits though.”

“I don’t know about that. Georgie might,” Michael said darkly before he bit his lip, suppressing a smile as Calum’s dimples creased his cheeks. “Although I think she’s meant to be a cat, not a dog. I’m not – _Calum, if you say ‘meow’ at a red carpet event then I’m breaking up with you_.”

Michael snorted with laughter at the mock-offended expression on Calum’s face before quietly amending: “Well, that was a lie but… y’know, you should still probably not do it. What if one of the cameras picks it up? You’ll look like the weirdest guy ever.”

“But that’s why you love me, right?” Calum joked, chocolate brown eyes sparkling in the lights. His lips were soft as he pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Michael’s mouth, hand resting comfortingly on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Maybe,” Michael conceded but he didn’t have time to say anymore because they’d come to a stop in front of Luke. “I didn’t know you were here tonight,” Michael said - somewhat accusingly - and the blond man grinned as he finally succeeded in setting Lily down on the floor. (Georgie was more persistent, clinging to his side like a little monkey, arms and legs wrapped around him so tightly that Calum had to peel her off.)

“Oh _please_ ,” Luke teased, making the second word at least three syllables as he waved his hand carelessly through the air, trying to pretend that he wasn’t _really_ excited right now. “I’ve been nominated for three awards. Of _course_ I’m here.”

“Look at my tattoo, Lukey!” Georgie called from Calum’s arms, thrusting her little glittery arm out to show him the cat Mali had applied there. He clapped his hands when he saw it, looking every bit the excited five year old as Georgie reached out for a high five.

“Meow, Lukey!” Georgie beamed and the blond man laughed at how cute she looked.

“Meow, Georgie,” Luke replied with a grin, the black metal of his lip-ring catching the light.

“Jack’s sending me sulky text messages,” Calum said suddenly, eyes glued to his phone as he smirked. “He says he’s been waiting for half an hour now but that we’re taking too long because Jack and Barakat have short legs.”

“I _don’t_ have short legs!” Georgie yelled, deeply offended. Michael cringed.

“I can’t believe they’re answering to that now,” he said in a pained voice but Lily was dancing around excitedly again, tugging Michael towards the venue by the hand, and he figured they’d lingered outside long enough.

Luke led the way towards the venue's entrance and Michael watched him weave his way through the crowd on the red carpet with ease, finding it kind of strange that this was still the younger man’s world – Luke had never left.

The awards ceremony was taking place in the Star Event Centre in Sydney and it looked just how Michael remembered it from all those years ago when 5 Seconds Of Summer had last played at the ARIAs a decade before. Michael didn’t have much time to reminisce though because a doorway opened into a plain-looking hallway nearby and Jack Barakat stuck his head out.

“Took you long enough,” he grinned, dark eyes gleaming as Lily and Georgie rushed over to see him with excited squeals. “Oh, hey, Luke! It’s been way too long!”

“Jack!” Luke slung one arm around the older man’s shoulders in a tight hug but Jack pulled away quickly after giving the blond man a brief squeeze, clearly on edge and grinning with nervous excitement, just like he always used to be before a show.

“Come on!" Jack said eagerly. "The guys are waiting in the dressing room. They’re all so excited!”

“So are we,” Michael promised but there was a tiny bit of apprehension in his words and Calum seemed to sense it, giving his boyfriend’s hand a comforting squeeze as the five of them followed Jack down the corridor.

Weirdly, it was the _smell_ that Michael remembered most about being backstage there – a weird mixture of hairspray, wood, and that slightly unpleasant odour that always seemed to linger around changing rooms no matter _how_ well they were cleaned.

It got better once Jack led them into his dressing room though because someone was burning a Yankee candle on a table nearby and it saturated the air with the smell of vanilla. It made Lily sniff the air appreciatively and Georgie copied her, looking so much like a little kitten that Michael's heart melted.

Inside the room, Rian was sitting on a low sofa as he scrolled on his phone, Zack was fucking around with what must have been Jack’s guitar if the offended sound that escaped the slightly younger man was anything to go by, and Alex was just rising from where he’d been getting his hair done in front of a mirror.

The frontman's eyes widened when he saw Michael and Calum standing there with the girls – Luke grumbled something about feeling ignored and Michael accidentally-on-purpose elbowed him lightly in the stomach – and then Alex’s face crinkled as he smiled at them.

“Hey, guys,” he said, making Zack and Rian look up too. Jack smiled smugly, possibly because he'd seen them first. “It’s so great to see you again!”

Alex’s arms were warm when they wrapped around Michael and Calum’s shoulders, and the golden-haired man gave Alex a one-armed hug back, still holding Calum’s hand tightly between them.

Alex looked happy as he stepped away to give Rian and Zack room to come and say hi too. Luke was lingering behind them, a content smile on his face now as Lily and Georgie held his hands.

No one mentioned the last time they’d seen Michael all those years ago and the golden-haired man was deeply grateful for that. There was no pity in their gazes either – just a quiet sort of surprise that said: ‘ _You proved us all wrong but fuck, we’re glad you did_ ’ and it meant a lot to Michael as he squeezed Calum's hand comfortingly.

Rian looked at their hands entwined and he grinned as he drifted over to Zack, nudging him in the shoulder and pointing in the least subtle way _ever_. Michael’s cheeks flushed but he held Calum’s hand tighter and the dark-haired man grinned as he gave his boyfriend’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I called this one about twelve years ago, dude. You owe me twenty dollars.”

“ _Damnit_!” Zack said but he was smiling widely, his expression unapologetic as he grinned at them. “Happy for you guys though, honestly. Just never thought you’d get round to it.”

“It was painful to watch,” Luke teased and Michael actually felt bad because he’d kind of forgotten the blond man was still standing there. Luke scoffed when he saw Michael jump, giving him a light shove in the shoulder.

“I wish Will was here,” Luke mumbled sulkily, voice only just loud enough for Calum and Michael to hear. “ _He_ wouldn’t ignore me like this. He’d probably tell me how pretty I was or something.”

“You’re very _something_ , Luke,” Michael said and Luke scowled at him, trying hard not to smile. Calum was grinning so wide that his dimples looked like they were never going to fade.

“Oh please, Luke. You _know_ you’re pretty,” the dark-haired man said and Luke blushed, beaming at him. He didn't get a chance to say something else stupid though because Alex spoke up suddenly.

“Where are Jack and Barakat?” the older man asked, tone purposefully innocent, and Jack laughed like a super villain.

“Goddamnit, Jack!” Michael groaned and Calum giggled into his boyfriend’s neck as Alex watched them fondly, tugging Michael lightly aside so that Georgie and Lily were visible where they were clinging to Luke's hands.

“I’m Lily,” the seven year old offered, smiling shyly at the three strangers as they all sent various greetings back her way. “It’s my birthday today.”

“Happy birthday, Lily. Are you a teenager yet?” Rian asked, smiling wide like he thought he was hilarious. Lily rolled her eyes in a way that just _screamed_ Michael.

“Actually I’m _seven_ ,” she corrected him and Rian smirked but his eyes were still soft.

“She’s sassier than you were, Mike!” he said, clearly delighted. Michael grinned, smile softening when Zack patted his arm as he crossed the room, sitting down in the chair that Alex had just vacated to get his hair fixed. Lily went to watch him curiously.

“I’m Georgie,” the five year old said, tugging on Alex’s sleeve to get his attention. “They made me wear a dress, band man. I don’t like dresses.”

“How awful of them,” he said sympathetically, crouching down so that he could see her dress properly. It was made of a shimmery silver material and there were flowers with grey pearly petals clustered on the ribbon sash around her waist. “It is quite a _nice_ dress though. You look a bit like a princess.”

“A _cat_ princess?” Georgie checked and Alex hesitated for just a second, glancing up to see Michael, Calum and Luke nodding furiously. Lily gave him an exaggerated thumbs up and Alex's lips twitched.

“Definitely,” he said. “Like the prettiest cat princess _ever_.”

“Meow,” Georgie said gratefully and Alex grinned at her, looking just as bemused as Ashton had that first time.

“Meow back,” he said, poking her lightly on the nose. Georgie beamed at him.

“I like this one,” she said loudly, patting Alex on the shoulder and making them all laugh. “He can stay.”

There was a low knock on the door and a guy stuck his head into the room. He was probably no older than late twenties and he was clearly trying hard to suppress the urge to freak out when Alex looked up at him with a friendly smile on his face.

“Just to let you guys know that you’re on in fifteen minutes so you might want to head over towards the stage,” the guy said breathlessly, determinedly not sweating in the presence of a band he really seemed to love if the heart-eye emoji he was currently resembling was anything to go by. “And – and the rest of you might want to find your seats. The show’s starting really soon. I can show you guys the way if you need me to?”

“Thank you, buddy,” Alex said and the guy beamed at him, backing out into the hallway to wait for Michael, Calum, Luke and the girls.

“We’ll see you guys later,” Jack told them, punching Michael lightly on the shoulder as he passed them. Georgie meowed softly and Jack smiled as her fingers curled gently around his wrist for a few moments. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?" He suddenly clapped a hand to his forehead. " _Oh_! I forgot to tell you – Patrick’s round here somewhere too. Pete as well, I think, although they’re not playing tonight. You guys will have to catch up with them too.”

“We’ll try to,” Michael smiled and Calum grinned fondly at what his boyfriend said next. “Although there’s always next year, right?”

“You’re such a dork,” Jack said fondly but his smile was warm as he picked his guitar up. Behind him, the other three followed suit. “Now c’mon, let’s go play a fuc- a _super-duper_ show, okay?”

“Did he just say ‘ _super-duper_ ’?” Rian murmured, eyes wide. Alex snorted as Jack glowered at them all, starting off down the hallway alone.

“There _are_ children present,” Zack pointed out fairly.

"This moment will go down in history," Rian whispered, hand on heart.

The guy waiting for them in the hallway was smiling at the exchange but his eyes went a bit wide when they settled on Michael and the golden-haired man braced himself for some sort of comment that was probably going to make him feel like shit.

“It’s an honour to meet you – you’ve been such a huge inspiration to me,” the guy said and Michael’s eyes widened as Calum gave his hand a gentle squeeze, dropping it to walk ahead with Luke and the girls. The guy went even paler but Michael felt a tiny bit of some long-forgotten confidence trickling through him and his back straightened a little as he shot the younger man a smile which would hopefully put him at ease.

“That’s really nice to hear,” Michael said carefully but he found it kind of hard to believe and it must have shown on his face because the guy grimaced.

“You never went on Twitter after… _you know_ b-but… but if you had done, I think you would’ve been shocked. Everyone was there for you. We all just wanted you to be okay again.” Michael’s green eyes were wider than ever but there was a faint smile touching his lips all the same and the guy relaxed as his eyes flickered over to where Calum had turned to smile at Michael over his shoulder. “I don’t want to assume anything or whatever but… you kind of look okay again,” the guy said and Michael smiled before he could stop himself.

“I am,” he said, patting the guy hesitantly on the shoulder and pretending not to notice when he went bright red. “Thank you.”

“I learnt to play the guitar because of you!” the guy blurted out suddenly and Michael grinned properly, heart racing in his chest as he smiled so wide that he couldn’t even _try_ to hold it in anymore.

God, this meant so much to him.

“That means the world,” Michael said and he meant it. “Can I sign something for you or…?”

“Please!” The guy’s cheeks were flaming now but he was smiling like Michael had just made his whole year. “Thank you so, _so_ much!”

“It’s the least I can do for such an awesome dude,” Michael said and he was shocked at how easy it was to make strangers feel comfortable again. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Joe,” the guy said shakily and Michael’s smile was soft as he added that to the autograph - it looked like the back of the timetable the guy had been working from and Michael hoped he wouldn't get in trouble for it. Joe’s hands were shaking when the golden-haired man handed it back to him. “Thank you, Michael.”

“It’s the least I could do,” the golden-haired man said softly, smiling as he glanced towards where the others were waiting for him. “Thank _you_ , Joe. Seriously.”

When Michael walked on ahead of him to lace his fingers gently with Calum’s, he felt something heal inside of him.

 

**_Lost your balance on a tightrope._ **

 

The weeks following the award show were bright and hot enough that Michael changed into shorts whenever he left work. Calum had the same lazy air about him, dark curls sticking to his sweat-damp forehead as he hid his eyes behind sunglasses.

They took the girls and the puppies out for walks in the evenings after dinner sometimes, walking into town to buy ice cream that they ate in the park as they watched the dogs running laps.

Sometimes at the weekends they went to Ashton and Bryana’s house which was nice too. Will and Luke went round there a lot, and it was where Michael got to see John Feldman again after so long. If it was a warm enough day, Ashton even filled the paddling pool up and the girls got to play in it with Morgan if they promised to be careful not to splash him too much.

Ashton seemed deeply content these days, as did Bryana, and Luke was being unbearably smug because he’d won every single award he’d been nominated for at the show. Will had promised to take Luke on holiday to celebrate and the pair of them were so in love that Michael was surprised there weren't little birds singing in the air around them when they walked by.

Even Mali and Tom seemed happier than ever. They’d confided in Calum and Michael that they were seriously going to try for a baby now and - once Calum had stopped pretending to feel sick at the thought - he’d told them how happy he was and Michael had tried really hard not to get over-emotional and… and everything just felt **right**.

He saw his parents every other weekend or so, and Calum’s parents came round to visit sometimes too – David was making pointed comments about how many tomato plants they could grow in their garden but, so far, Calum wasn’t weakening – and it was just really, _really_  lovely.

Michael liked the weekends where the four of them were alone the most though, when they simply played in the swimming pool or lay in the deck chairs covered in sun cream as they played music on the radio and the puppies chased each other in the garden.

In the evenings when the girls were in bed, Michael brought his new guitar outside and played soft chords as the dusk approached, fingers stumbling over the steel strings as the dark-haired man retaught his boyfriend everything he’d forgotten. Sometimes Calum even _sang_ and those were the nights that Michael loved the most.

Those were the nights – like right now – where his mind helpfully reminded Michael of the advice he’d asked Tom on the day of the award show… the advice that he’d been trying to ignore because the thought of it set him on fire with anxiety and fear and **hope** … the advice that Michael had never once been able to forget ever since he’d spoken to the older man.

It had gone something like this:

_“How did you propose to Mali, Tom?”_

_“Are we about to become brothers-in-law, Michael?”_

_“I’m serious!”_

_“So am I,” Tom said but his eyes were twinkling as his expression softened. “Mikey,” he said slowly and his voice was gentle. “This is going to sound lame as hell but you want the truth? I’ll give it to you. Just follow your heart, okay? Just go with your instincts and tell him how you feel. If he loves you – and he_ does _, Mike; everyone knows it – then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Just go for it, yeah? Have faith.”_

Michael blinked. He was still sitting beside the swimming pool, watching Calum lying on the deck chair beside his, eyelashes fanned out on his cheeks as he smiled, humming contentedly as the soft chirping of cicadas reached their ears. A car drove past loudly on the road outside and the leaves of the eucalyptus trees in their garden rustled in the warm breeze. The surface of the swimming pool rippled softly in the quiet.

Michael’s throat felt like it had closed up but Tom’s words were rushing around his head – ‘ _Follow your heart. Go with your instincts. Tell him how you feel. **Have faith**_.’ – and everything in Michael was telling him that now was the right time.

 **Now**.

The golden-haired man pushed himself up into a sitting position and, with trembling hands, he reached out to touch Calum’s bare shoulder gently, making sure he wasn’t asleep. Calum’s dark eyes fluttered open and he smiled at Michael, slow and warm like honey almost, and Michael’s heart skipped in his chest because… god, he was actually _doing_ this.

“Cal, there… there’s something I need to do,” Michael said softly and Calum pushed himself so he was sitting up too, smiling reassuringly even as a tiny trace of confusion coloured his tanned face.

“What is it, sweetheart?” Calum asked gently and that gave Michael the courage to get shakily to his feet, sinking down onto one knee in front of the dark-haired man.

“ _Calum_ ,” Michael said softly and the younger man’s eyes widened as he gazed down at Michael wordlessly, bottom lip held between his teeth. The paving stone was sun-warmed beneath Michael’s knee as he looked up at him, emerald eyes sparkling as the first stars began to twinkle in the violet sky.

“You know… I’ve thought about this for such a long time, Cal.” Michael’s voice was soft and scared but there was so much love saturating his words that his heart felt too big for his chest. “Ever since we moved in together really. For months and months, this was all I could think of… but I was too scared, y’know?” Michael swallowed, frowning down at the ground for just a moment before he forced his eyes back up to Calum’s beautiful face again. “I remembered how my last marriage… how it went so badly wrong… how it messed up so much… but then I realised that… you’re _not_ Hannah… and I’m not the same person I was then.”

Calum nodded like he agreed but his mouth fell open and no sound came out. Michael could tell Calum was close to tears by the way his hand trembled as he reached to card his fingers gently through his boyfriend’s golden hair.

“I love you, Cal. I’m **in love** with you. I’m more in love with you than I’ve ever been in love with _anyone_ and… and I want to make sure you know that,” Michael whispered, hands falling to rub comforting patterns into Calum’s thighs as the dark-haired man’s eyes sparkled with tears.

“The way I feel about you now… it’s never going to get any better than this, darling. I _know_ that. I knew it ever since that evening when you came round for the first time and met the girls because you made me feel _whole_ again and… and I wouldn’t ever want _anything_ else.”

Calum was crying silently now, hand covering his mouth as tears welled up in his dark eyes. His shoulders were shaking but the hand that had been tangled in Michael’s hair had fallen to cover Michael's where it was resting gently on his boyfriend's thigh.

God, even when he was trying not to sob, Calum was still beautiful.

Heartened, Michael carried on and… and it was actually a whole lot easier than he’d been imagining. Tom’s advice had been surprisingly good after all.

“You’re _it_ for me, Cal. You’re always going to be the most important man in my life,” Michael promised. “I swear to god, you and the girls… you’re my whole _world_ and… and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Cal.”

“ _Michael_ ,” Calum croaked but there were tears rolling down his cheeks now as his limp hand tightened around Michael’s. The golden-haired man was smiling like his heart was about to burst in his chest at the pure love saturating Calum’s expression.

“Calum Hood,” Michael said softly and his hands were trembling but _damnit_ , he’d never been more sure of anything. “Would you do me the absolute _honour_ of marrying me?”

"Yes," Calum whispered.

There was a moment of silence beneath the purple sky as the words sank in before, suddenly, Michael found himself with a lapful of Calum. The dark-haired man was sobbing into his shoulder but he was clinging to Michael like he never wanted to let him go and… and fuck, now they never _had_ to.

“God, Mikey, _yes_!” Calum cried, wiping his eyes clumsily with the back of his hand as he pressed a wet kiss to Michael’s cheek, making him laugh with relief. “Yes, yes, **yes**. A million times yes. No, a _trillion_!”

Michael didn’t realise he was crying too until he tried to laugh at Calum and the sound caught somewhere in his chest. He inhaled unevenly, trying to calm his breathing as Calum struggled to do the same thing beside him.

“I didn’t get a ring yet,” Michael breathed shakily into Calum’s neck, tears boiling down his cheeks as he held him close. “I didn’t want to pressure you.”

Calum could have done any number of things then – he could have teased Michael or laughed at him or told him he was being silly – but he didn’t do any of them because it was **Calum** and he’d always known Michael better than the golden-haired man knew himself.

“We can pick them out together,” Calum whispered, leaning back a little to thumb Michael’s tears away gently. His full lips were so soft as he kissed Michael.

“God, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever known,” Calum breathed but he still sounded choked up even now and his chocolate brown eyes were swimming with tears. “I love you so, so much, Mikey. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“I don’t know what I did right to deserve somebody like you,” Michael murmured and Calum’s dimples creased his tear-wet cheeks as he finally managed to draw in a breath that didn’t sound like a sob.

“Did you just quote Jamie Lawson to me?” Calum teased but his eyes were still gleaming with tears as he helped Michael up.

“Not intentionally, you little shit,” the golden-haired man huffed but his heart felt too large for his chest and he couldn’t keep the smile from his face, even _despite_ his boyfriend – no, his _fiancé_ – teasing him. “I love you to the moon and back, darling.”

Calum’s sparkling, chocolate brown eyes were glitter-soft as he pressed a gentle kiss to the golden-haired man’s lips in the starlight.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Calum promised. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this was okay! Please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos <3  
> Only the epilogue left now and I'm actually going to cry I swear!! I hope you guys will like it <3  
> Thank you thank you thank you!


	28. Still Shining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be crying but you can't prove it.  
> God, I really hope you guys will enjoy this though.  
> I can't believe we're finally at the end!  
> Fingers crossed I did this justice <3  
> Here goes...

**_It's never too late to get it back._ **

 

The sunlight was streaming through the glass in a cascade, illuminating the kitchen and warming the tiles on the window sill. The waxy leaves of the succulents glistened in the sunlight, the drops of water caught on the leaves glittering like diamonds as they swayed gently in the light breeze that entered through the open patio doors.

The burnished gold of Michael’s hair was fading these days, streaked liberally at the temples with silver that stretched like veins of precious metal through the soft waves. The blue plaid shirt he wore was open at the collar with the sleeves rolled back to his elbows, and his tattoos were more grey than black now, his faint scars just pearly white streaks on his skin beneath them, barely visible anymore.

Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were soft as he cupped Michael’s cheek gently, his wedding ring glinting in the sunlight as they sat together at the kitchen table. His eyes crinkled when he smiled, his dimples creasing his cheeks, and Michael’s laugh was soft when he reached to poke Calum gently on the nose.

“What?” the dark-haired man asked, pressing a kiss to Michael’s fingertip as his full lips tugged up into a smile. Michael rolled his eyes fondly, trying to pretend that Calum didn’t make his heart pound in his chest even now, thirteen years after they’d finally admitted their love for each other.

“It’s not fair that you’re still so cute now,” Michael muttered, fighting to suppress his smile as he gave a little shrug like he wasn’t blushing. “Also you’re almost forty five and you’re barely even grey!”

“You say that like you’ve gone _white_ , Mikey,” Calum pointed out but his eyes were twinkling and Michael gave his husband’s shoulder a weak shove, hiding his smile behind the rim of his coffee cup as he took a sip. “You’d be pretty even if you had… I don’t know... waist-length platinum _Rapunzel_ hair - I _promise_ you.”

“You think Rapunzel only had _waist_ -length hair? _Really_ , Cal?” Michael laughed before pretending to consider it. “Well... I guess I could probably pull that off. It might suit you better though, darling. I mean -” The older man faltered, eyes twinkling brighter as he heard a key in the door.

“Uh oh,” Calum said, echoing Michael’s thoughts. “Here comes trouble.”

“You guys still say that every single _time_!” Georgie complained as she kicked her sandals off in the hall, padding across the wooden panelled floor and leaning casually against the doorframe. Sugar and Liquorice had passed away a few years ago now but Coco still perked her head up from her quilted blanket, woofing sleepily and making a soft contented sound when the eighteen year old girl crouched momentarily to pet the old dog.

“It’s because you’re always causing trouble,” Michael pointed out as his youngest daughter straightened up. Her mousy brown hair was styled into a pixie-cut now and it had long-since been dyed a vibrant purple, and Georgie looked faintly _smug_ as she put her hands on her hips, dressed in a black halterneck crop top and high-waisted shorts. There was a piece of clingfilm sellotaped to her ankle and Calum’s eyes spotted it immediately.

“What’s that?” he asked, pointing it out. Michael’s eyes widened when Georgie’s expression became chagrined. She sauntered into the kitchen like she didn’t have a care in the world, tanned from spending too many hours out in the sunshine.

“So I got a tattoo,” she began casually and Michael jerked upright in his chair so quickly that he slopped coffee onto the worktop. Calum let out a bark of laughter as he reached to snag a piece of kitchen roll and Michael kind of wanted to put his head into his hands but he was more concerned about seeing what Georgie had had tattooed.

“Did your sister know about this?” Michael asked suddenly and Georgie beamed at him, freckly nose crinkling just like it had done when she was a little kid as she jutted her chin belligerently.

“Yep,” she grinned, dropping down into a seat at the breakfast bar and swiping a crisp green apple from the bowl. She leant back in her chair, tossing the fruit up into the air and catching it again. Calum swiped it from her, taking a bite as he gave her a slightly challenging look. Georgie snorted.

“Lily drove me to the tattoo parlour actually,” the eighteen year old explained, running a hand through her lavender-coloured hair and leaving it sticking up even more messily. “She said that if I was going to be stupid enough to get a tattoo done when you’re as indecisive as _I_ am then she was going to make sure I got it done in a place where they actually changed their needles.” Georgie rolled her eyes fondly but her love for her older sister was unmistakeable. “The tattooist was a friend of Hassan’s apparently. I got it done pretty cheaply. God, it was really irritating though, see? Like this guy kept going on about how Hassan and Lil are his idea of a _perfect_ couple and it was totally sickening after the first… I don’t know… maybe _ten_ seconds? The guy was good though. Really neat and stuff. I love it.”

Calum snorted with laughter at Georgie’s disgruntled expression - apparently still dwelling on her older sister’s relationship - but Michael was watching her silently.

“That raises an interesting point actually,” the older man said at last and his eyes were glittering faintly as Georgie smiled at him, baring her teeth. “What tattoo _did_ you get?”

Georgie gave this delighted little laugh at that and it sent alarm bells ringing but Michael couldn’t for the life of him guess what it might be. Georgie had always been wilful and spontaneous. It could be just about _anything_.

“It’s a cat!” Georgie said excitedly, lifting her ankle up awkwardly to show them the black cat curling around her ankle. “Look, dad! Meow!”

Michael’s forehead made a dull thudding sound when it hit the table.

Calum cackled.

“It was your fault, dad!” Georgie accused teasingly and Michael was trying _so_ hard not to - what? Laugh? Cry? Headbutt the wall? - that he simply gazed at her helplessly until she took pity on him, elaborating. “You showed me those old pictures of me the other week! Back when I was like four or something! If you hadn’t told me the story about me _actually_ thinking I was a cat for a good year and a half of my life then this wouldn’t have happened! I just knew I wanted a tattoo up until that point but the cat idea just seemed perfect. I couldn’t miss the opportunity.”

Michael was chuckling quite a lot now but he made his expression as wounded as possible anyway, and Calum was laughing wheezily beside him, head falling to rest on his husband’s neck as he giggled helplessly.

“Georgie the mad cat returns,” Calum gasped out, actually wiping tears away as Michael started to laugh harder, dropping his head into his hands as he remembered how many times his youngest daughter had said ‘ _meow_ ’ when she was growing up.

The front door opened again as Lily let herself in, blonde hair swept up into a ponytail, sensible denim skirt hanging down to her knees as she fiddled with the hem of what looked like one of Hassan’s old Star Wars t-shirts.

“Why are our dads crying?” the twenty year old asked teasingly as she came up behind her little sister, draping her pale arms around Georgie and settling her chin on one of the younger girl’s narrow shoulders.

“I broke them with my tattoo,” Georgie explained, tilting her head back to give Lily a big grin. “Where’d you leave lover boy? I thought he was coming round with Morgan once they’ve set his new games console up?”

“They’ll be round later,” Lily said, cheeks flushing pink as she thought about her boyfriend. They’d been dating for almost five years now - Mahir and Michael still hadn’t got over their (slightly sarcastic in Mahir’s case) excitement - and Lily still blushed whenever she thought about him. Michael thought it was unbearably sweet.

“Mali’s coming round later too,” Calum said once he’d recovered somewhat. “Tom texted to let me know.”

“Kara will be happy if Morgan turns up for this barbecue then,” Lily said, eyes twinkling. She found it adorable that Mali and Tom’s daughter had fallen for Ashton and Bryana’s son. Michael supposed he had to admit that it _was_ pretty cute.

“Are Ash and Bry coming later?” Lily asked. “And Luke and Will?” Michael nodded and Georgie grinned, apparently thinking about Will’s latest car if the dreamy smile on her face was anything to go by. (Michael and Calum still had Samson the race car sitting on their mantlepiece now, and Georgie found it hilarious that they kept it on display.)

“Apparently Mali’s dug out Kara’s baby albums from the loft too so we’re going to be shown those,” Calum added suddenly and the two girls laughed. “Although surely that’s going to totally mortify her if Morgan’s there… God, why’s my sister so evil?”

“Poor Kara,” Georgie said sympathetically but she was kind of giggling. “Mali dressed her in such weird outfits when she was a baby. I’m so glad _you_ didn’t do that, dad.”

Michael laughed, rolling his eyes fondly as he reached out to ruffle Georgie’s hair. She made a big show of ducking away but she still let him card his fingers through it and Michael was glad of that. Georgie and Lily would never be too old to be his little girls.

“Maybe I’m saving all those outfits for my grandchildren instead,” Michael teased, just because he knew Lily would go scarlet and Georgie would pretend to be sick. He wasn’t disappointed and Calum seemed to find it highly amusing as he drank his coffee, watching his little family with sparkling eyes as they joked together.

“You can forget about that one for possibly the next fifteen years, dad,” Georgie said airily. “I don’t think Daniel and I are committed enough for that.”

“Who’s Daniel?” Calum asked and Georgie’s eyes glittered. Lily was smiling like she already knew.

“He’s the guy I’m seeing,” Georgie explained, making Michael and Calum’s eyebrows rise.

“But I thought you were seeing someone called Freddie?” Michael asked. Georgie shrugged, taking another apple from the bowl and rolling it around in her hands before she finally took a bite, grinning up at her parents.

“Not anymore. But Dan does drama at college too, yeah? And apparently he’s liked me for ages and he wants to go see that new zombie film that’s out at the moment, y’know? The one with the camping trip and the school bus and the flamethrower? And I told him yes if he buys the popcorn… and he said he’d get maltesers too.” Georgie smiled cheerfully up at everyone, glancing towards the garden outside as the sunshine glinted on her numerous ear piercings. She hid the soft smile in her shoulder. “So it looks like I have a date tomorrow night.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Lily said instantly and Georgie snickered, taking another bite of apple.

“Then I wouldn’t even _talk_ to him,” the eighteen year old said pointedly and Lily scoffed, elbowing her sister lightly in the ribs. Her cheeks were flushed with laughter though and her eyes were fond. Michael had a feeling she was still thinking about Hassan.

“Oh please! I have a boyfriend! I’ve been dating him for -”

“It doesn’t count!” Georgie yelled immediately. “You knew him when you were like _three_!” Lily gave a dignified roll of her eyes. “Or… or seven or whatever it was,” Georgie amended sulkily and Lily gave one of her trademark, sarcastic thumbs up. Georgie’s eyes glittered like she could keep teasing her sister all day.

“They’re going to be fighting for a while, darling,” Michael muttered in a stage whisper, grinning when his daughters pointedly ignored him, their lips twitching with smiles. “You want to finish your coffee outside instead?”

“Good call, sweetheart,” Calum said. “I’m not sure I can stand the conflict.”

The sun was even hotter in the garden but Calum’s chocolate brown eyes were sparkling as he looked at Michael and it made his husband’s breath catch in his throat.

“I’m so glad I married you,” Michael murmured as they sat down on the same deck chair, thighs pressed warmly together as Michael let his head fall to rest gently on Calum’s shoulder. The dark-haired man set their mugs carefully on the floor before he wrapped his arms around his husband, holding him close and rubbing the skin of Michael’s pale arm beneath his palm as the sun warmed them.

“So am I,” Calum whispered, dropping a kiss onto the top of Michael’s head. “I’m so glad I met you again.”

“You were right,” Michael breathed suddenly and Calum looked up at him with confusion blossoming in his lovely eyes. Michael smiled gently. “You told me once that everything was going to get better, remember? That it would all be alright in the end… and you were right, darling. It is.”

Calum’s cheeks were flushed with blood but his eyes were still shining as he smiled down at their entwined hands, dimples showing in his cheeks, full lips tugging up into a wider grin.

“Thank you, Cal,” Michael whispered, turning his head to press a gentle kiss to Calum’s soft cheek. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for sticking around and making our lives so much better. Thank you for being **you** , you beautiful darling. _Thank you_.”

“It was the least I could do, Mikey,” Calum said and his eyes looked wet with tears but the love blazing on his face was undeniable. “You and your daughters… you’re the best things that have ever happened to me. Loving you was the best choice I ever made.”

Michael’s hand tightened around Calum’s and his heart beat calmly in his chest, free from worry and anxiety and sadness. The sun was warm on his skin and Calum’s lips were gentle as he pressed a tiny kiss to the corner of his husband’s mouth.

“I love you,” Michael promised and Calum squeezed his hand tighter.

“I love you too,” the younger man said and his smile was so beautiful. “To the moon and back.”

Briefly, Michael remembered the lingering melancholy in his veins and the numbness that had once clung to him like a fog but those days were long gone now, and Michael was surrounded by his girls and Calum, and all of their friends and family.

He felt whole and safe and **happy**.

With Calum and his girls beside him, Michael was finally home.

 

**_FIN_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!  
> I really really hope you liked it and that you enjoyed where I took the story because I know I loved the journey it took to get here!  
> Please, please let me know what you thought and what your favourite bits were - one last time, yeah? It means the whole world <3  
> Thank you :) x

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please let me know what you thought as this is a bit different to my usual stuff and I'm worried you might not like it!  
> Thank you for reading <3


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